Wow... I'm all piss and vinegar today...

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Work is going really rough.

I was really hoping that this new contract job would be me turning over a new leaf. Sadly not the case at all. Working with three other people who've never done this kind of work before, we're not going to get the job done on time, they've made a scary amount of errors mostly on lack of experience (training was 'fly by the seat of your pants' - I was just lucky I had the experience to make it work). The best part is the place we're working at is heading to the state for fraud allegations - ie. it's a governmental institution we're working for and the fraud is in the exact area we're working on.

So I've been trying to be a big boy, trying to keep a positive disposition, ignore the negative as much as possible for the last few weeks, if I feel like the world is caving in I'll pop in a good cd on the way home and try to forget it happened. Today - proofing and redoing my coworkers work just got to me TOO much. Couldn't help but fantasize all day about going to jail, having a prosecutor tell me that he'd make absolutely certain that I'd never in my life hold a professional job again, and of course burning bridges with the company who contracted me to them all to show that I'm completely and utterly professionally incompetant (ie. pretty much the same as throwing my degree in the shredder) because once again I feel like I'm working a job where the new hires are just the poison purge - ie. hire some people, let all the isht roll down hill at once, blame it on the new hires, fire them, next!

So yeah, lol, ever since I've gotten home I've been in a more bitter state of mind that I can recall myself being in....geez...close to a year or two....

The thing I'm learning at least - for all the people who'd claim that you 'create your own reality with your own thoughts', the caveat is good luck holding it in and trying to sink every cloud in a heavy silver casing - eventually you blow up and.....wow.... it's almost like the inner sailor or local incoherent mullet-man at the local tavern just jumps out! Can't tell if it's me today or if it's Jackie Chan dressed up as me.

Aw! You are always a really positive person.

I hope this s**t time comes to an end soon for you.

I really love your taste in music. It always cheers me up.

Keep up the good work Techstep.

On another note a couple vodka and pepsis (just what I had around here) and a long chat with another WP'er on facebook over unrelated and much more interesting topics helped wash out my focus on this and put me in a much better mood. Three day weekend so I'm definitely looking forward to enjoying that!

Oy vey. I had a situation at work this past week where I was asked to handle the requests of auditors who were reviewing the files of a former coworker who quit two weeks ago. I was supposed to locate contract documents in randomly-selected clients' files and provide them to the auditors, on the behalf my boss, who was in the hospital with his sick wife.

As it turns out, this former coworker really had let things slide before leaving and one of the contracts was nowhere to be found, so I was instructed my my boss to 'recreate' the document, including having another coworker drive out to the clients' home to have her POA sign another copy, then fudge the dates on it. Although I was instructed by management to do this, like you, I was still having visions of being fired and ending up in jail, etc. (The contract was for a state-funded project). As in your situation, there is no email trail for these instructions, they were given to me by phone, although I do have coworker witnesses, at least.

This week, I have an audit coming up on my files for my own program, but at least that is something I am feeling pretty prepared for and is not something being dumped on me that is totally outside of my locus of control. I think it's the whole fear of being held responsible for things you have limited-to-no control over part that is probably the worst factor for both of us. But, yeah, anyhow, if it makes you feel better, it's not any more fun for the people you are auditing and there is plenty of stress and frustration to go around.

Sweet Pea hugs