How To Deal: Suicide, Sadness, Alone

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I am 20 years old. My full diagnosis as of yesterday is Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder or Asperger Syndrome.

From the day I was born my parents, my family, knew that something was wrong. I cried constantly for the first 18 months of my life. As a toddler I would laugh and cry to things that no one could see. When I was old enough to talk, I'd talk to hings that were not there. No one could see them but me. I realized that I was different from the other children when I was exactly 6 (Kindergarten). I learned to to read and add and subtract in the 5th grade and learned how to divide and multiply in the 8th. I never had many friends in school. I was always mad fun of. As a child I got violent towards those people. I would physically hurt them. When I was a teenager I attempted suicide twice. In my life thus far I have been hospitalized 3x. I started cutting myself (all over my body) when I was 10. This lasted for 9 years. I saw things, heard things, and felt things, that know one else could or ever can. No one new what was going on, not even me. People were scared for me. But I was scared for them. I didn't want to harm them.
I understand that you are probably upset with what you have, with what you are suffering with. No one knows that kind of suffering better than you. I realize that you would want to give up, stop fighting the urges, end it all. But you cant. whatever the voices are telling you, whatever people are telling you. Don't listen. Since you made it this far, why give up. Something good will happen. Every night before you go to sleep, pick one thing out, during your day, that you are thankful for having. Live for it. If you can't do that, live for the people you love, the things you love. LIVE for YOU. If you can't feel anything, you're numb (like me). FAKE IT until you MAKE IT. You may hate the things that have happened to you, that you may have done. But, eventually you will become so strong that those memories don't hurt you. You have a purpose because you are alive, living this long means that you are a fighter. If something or someone tells you that you can't, and they knock you down. STAND UP and say "WATCH ME". I don't know you. I've never seen you. I've never seen you face to face. But I LOVE YOU. You are IMPORTANT to me. That will never change. Not ever. If people can't love you for you then shouldn't need them. You ARE who you ARE, that should be ENOUGH
I accidentally posted this again, its he one right below this one. Sorry it was accidental.

Thanks for the encouraging words.

welcome to the club AG

Actually, the reason you were bullied was because you got offended at tgem kidding around at how you were "stupid". Humans don't really judge. Then you retaliated and that's what bullying is. Why do you think there's something WRONG with you. There is nothing wrong witg you:-, you're exactly how you should be. You'll be somewhat depressed while reading this but please try to understand. You can't see if you don't want to. Didn't affect you much, did it? And neitther did "guessing" I believe. Anyway, you can't be sure those things you saw weren't there. Infact, they have no right to tell you that they're not real since they don't have full evidence. There are people who can appear like that though. Slightly surprised but still depressed? Somewhat happy now even? After that I mean. You could be what is considered special by celestials. Contact if feels right.

Last edited by Erwin on 02 Mar 2014, 1:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, true, but at the end of the day I'm still mentally handicapped with next to no friends.

Encouraging words, I'll drink to that~! Love the haven.

you are among friends, it is just that some of us express friendliness in a curiously cold-prickly way, please don't let that discourage you here. I for one want to hear more from you

Welcome to WP!

One of my best friends developed Schizophrenia in her early twenties, and now she's very happy and in a relationship that she loves. Stay strong.

Haha, thank you. Sorry I never had the courage to attend a Seattle meet-up.

how 'bout the Olympia one then? it's way lower key for sure.

Welcome to the Whanau animegirl93

Your not alone here AG!