Something to lighten up this crap I've been living in

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Now as you know I got thrown out of the funeral. I was very upset, naturally. Now, I had dressed to the nines for it. Black coat dress with leopard collar, pearls, my diamond earrings, my good watch and bracelet, had my hair up, makeup, even eyeliner so I wouldn't cry, gold gloves and bag, black hose and THE BEST SHOES EVER! I've had these shoes for years. I love them. Black silk, 4 inch open toe stilettos with a black rose on the toe. Pumps. Great shoes. Never before had a problem with them.

We came back home, and A my first best friend (S was my second best friend) came in the bedroom with me to talk to me while I changed. now I have hardwood in the rest of my house but for some reason my oldest decided to put white (WHITE!! !! !) thick loop carpet in my room. I hate it but I let him because it was a sweet gesture. As I was walking past the dresser my heel caught in a loop and I tripped, falling toward the dresser. I tried to catch myself. I missed completely and hit my nose on the edge of it. It was a bloodbath.

Luckily I'm Italian and once the swelling is down you won't be able to tell it has been broken. It's been broken before (clumsy on my part and also abusive ex) The worst part is, the two shiners I now have. A suggested that when people ask me I say "You should see the other guy!" but however, the dresser is just fine. It's not chipped or even dusty, so I'm not saying that. I thought about telling people I got show in the face with a paintball gun, cause that happened to my son and he got the exact same injuries but that's too close to what happened to S. I guess I could tell them I was sparring with Ole Boy's son, cause that's what he does for fun. I don't want to admit this level of clumsy.

Mr J, my other neighbor the doctor looked at it. I'm friends with his wife. I can breath ok so he just said ice it, which I did, and I also put potatotes on my eyes. I wish the black eyes would go away though. His wife, R is my new second best friend. She said "I'm laughing so hard I'm crying but only because you're laughing" which I was cause honestly it was funny even though it hurt like a b***h. He actually offered tabs but Excedrin works well enough and after what happened to S after getting all those scripts I'm not taking any chances. I'm already a half bubble off plumb to begin with and I don't want to push my luck.

I might say "Well, I went to a movie with Mike Tyson" as an explination. Whatever story I tell will obviously be fake. Everybody knows how clumsy I am. I need to add humor to it so they don't feel too sorry for me.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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