They all hate me now

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her b***h older daughter came over today and told me they all hate me and I might as well have put the gun in her mouth. All I did was get her vodka when she was in DT's. That's it. I gave them the name of the boy whose fault it was but nobody cares.I cant go to the funeral, I can't send flowers, I can't do s**t.

People say all kinds of things when they are grieving.

You are probably an easy target for them whilst they are looking for someone to blame.

You know yourself that if she was going to do herself in, she would have done it anyway.

It's not your fault.

Well, after all, even though I wasn't born yet I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll and I did steal the Lindburgh baby. Of course, right?

People sometimes say the most horrible of things when they've lost a loved one - blaming anyone and everyone for the death. It seems to be human nature to blame others for such things. They are hurting and feel the need to lash out. I've been on the receiving end of it too and it isn't nice. When my father's elderly, unwell "girlfriend" died it was within a few days of me offering him the chance to live with us in France if anything happened to her. He claimed she must have overheard me make the offer (she was virtually deaf) and somehow as a consequence she fell over a few days later resulting in her hospitalisation and subsequent death. Sorry but that is just bollocks. My father has a tendency to blame anyone and everyone for everything. Anyway... you can't have been the second gunman... that was me; I took a day off school to fly to America to do it!

TallyMan is right,it's easier for them to blame you at this time.When my adopted mother died my bio mom told me it was my fault,that I worried her to death.She died of congestive heart failure,she was 79.I was thirteen at the time and really didn't need that kind of guilt laid on me.

This is a time where you can't listen to anything they say. They are not in their right minds. They have little control over anything that comes out of their mouths. It is hard, but don't take anything they say to heart, because they are going through trauma right now, and may suffer PTSD. It is going to take them quite a lot of time to get a grip on reality. Right now the floor beneath their feet has crumbled and they are grasping at straws. Your friend was incredibly unhappy, period, and despite her unhappiness you were her best friend who loved her and you couldn't have stopped her from killing herself anymore than they could, and whether they want to accept that or not, it is the truth.

I'm going to dress for it, and Old boy is going since none of my family can go. I'll wait in the Durango and he will go in and tell her goodbye for me.

I know people on these forums aren't huge ones for hugs, but I don't know what else to offer (the others seem to have already said the important stuff and I'm not tuned into the details), so (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) . I hate seeing you in pain, and am sorry for all you have to deal with.

I wanted to slap that little b*****s face off when she said that to me, but I did the kind hing and hugged her. Yes, I can be kind when I choose to be.

I know that people can die of DTs. Doctors treat it with benzos, which I'm not sure how much better that is than liquor except that it is a controlled substance, but I'm no expert. You did the best you could to help your friend. It sounds like her alcoholism was too much for any friend to fix. So sorry for your loss.

Wow, what did she do when you hugged her? I mean she was really mad at you.

They're right though, she might get over it as her pain eases.

Tallyman, I know what your dad said to you isn't funny, but in a way it's so absurd it is funny.

Jesus Christ.

Since we're sharing horror stories here, after my grandfather passed away (I think I was 7 or 8 yo at the time), my mother in the midst of an argument told me that I was the reason her father died. We lived on Long Island, and he died from a heart attack while he was in Manhattan riding a subway on his way either to or from work. I knew that I had nothing to do with his death, but it was infuriating that she would blame me for something so ridiculous just to try to hurt me. I think her point was to insinuate that I made him (or her) so unhappy that he dropped dead. People say all sorts of noxious things when they feel the need to spread around some pain.

He really meant it too! I knew nothing about her death until several weeks later - in fact didn't even know she'd had a fall or been admitted to hospital. He purposely didn't tell me she'd died nor was I invited to the funeral. I've never been particularly close to my father but things have been worse since then. I phone him two or three times a year from France to see how he is, more out of a sense of obligation than actually wanting to speak to him, and that is all we have to do with each other. He never phones me. He has become a bitter old man, always complaining about something and driving people away who care/cared or help him. He can be really vicious with his tongue sometimes.

I think your kinder than that and I know that's the truth.

They don't hate you.

It's called grief.

My BIL killed himself with a rifle 10 years ago, on Father's Day. The screaming I heard, pulling up into the driveway will be burned into my memory forever.

My BIL's mother blamed everyone. My SIL, the psychiatrists, us, work, the neighbors, the mother was beside herself in grief. She had lost her husband to cancer the year before.


You will be angry at your friend, then sad, repeat and rinse. I've been through 6 suicides of either family or friends. You get this insane rage, then dissolve into a pile of tears.

Be gentle with yourself, and cut a huge amount of slack with the family. Suicide still has a terrible stigma. I had such a hard time talking about my BIL's death to anyone. It would get brought up, I'd say suicide, and the conversation just stopped. Like that was so gross it should never be brought up.

Go to the funeral. You can sit in the back, and I doubt anyone will notice. If you feel like the family is still angry with you/it will cause problems, just stay away from them.

If your friend was having DTs, her life was out of control. I wish for hersake, she could have called someone before she made her choice. Depression+fire arms+substance abuse/alcohol are a terrible mix.

My heart breaks for you OOM and your friend, and her family.

I'm so so sorry.....