I think I know the answer to why I'm so confused

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You know I'm angry I was looking for a response for kingdom of rats comment on my other thread which is very helpful thank you which reminded me to go back and look and I went to my evaluations and I finally understand what's been going on for years.

When I was seven months old I was taking in to the er for gastroenteritis The doctors noticed symptoms of poor development which was attributed to what they thought was neglect.

( this was before my grandmother took me in)

Talking about my mom and dad when my mom was really sick

I was true I might have been neglected at least slightly I think my grandmothers ignorance and arrogance is caused is even worse.

Also my Autistic ness could been seen as neglect it wasn't to that extent or caused by it maybe both.

she said that nobody recommend anything for her but they did.


They recommended respite care further evaluation and social skills training for years which she regected.

The reason I am really angry is because I just realized that the kind of stuff that the evaluators told her was do Develpmental delays and poor skills was seen as bad behavior The only reason I was ever evaluated in the first place was because of my teachers probably because she didn't want anything as a bad parent. And I think she is just very in denial and does not understand what she does has hurt me.


Agian and again despite what was told she would push off my disability as bad behaivor and punish me for things that were not my fault or that I was trying to do.

Now I understand why I have such a hard time explaining things I had an unrecognized in denial speech delay like many autistic people using came echolalia I could say bigger complex things but not actually understand what I'm saying

Couldn't focus on more than one step task often times for misinterpreted as lack of attention.


It kept saying over and over and I was already moderately delayed so far and cognitive which place probably an understatement but if this didn't get in leave it all the survey whatever that would affect my academics.

Basically either she didn't read it she read it but was to in denial didn't want to make her look bad I don't even know don't mean to blame her I'm just really upset.

I keep trying to tell her that her complaining all the time and when I even said makes me feel upset and she says I'm being rude and inconsiderate but if I've been telling her that I've been feeling sick for weeks and she'll yell at me and she has every right to because I keep forgetting to zip up my jacket.

It's my fault I'm late because I had a difficult time and doing more than one step tasks.

If I knock over something I'm deliberately throwing it down. Because I'm disorganized I'm deliberately messing up the house. Because I don't know how to explain why she made me upset or she won't listen I'm overreacting.

The problem is she's in mixing up people my entire life for my evaluations so their never very consistent and it's undermined. It's unfair because I'm not able to express myself well enough to convince them that she's in denial.

She for years was recommended social skills therapy and other programming she refused to get it and I still have problems recognizing mine and other's emotions and other problems interacting with people then it's too bad.

She can yell at me and get upset for what I say but when I get upset for what she says I'm being mean.

Look I know that Her denial was mainly the kind of thing where you think nothing is wrong with my kid but even when I was two years old and they were first doing the evaluation she still mentioned that I was defiant.


I don't mean being mean, rude or not understand what she went through and I do acknowledge how much she does go through but it makes me angry because this is denial is the one of the the one things is that causes my confusion and of upsetness and being sick and tired all the time.

She doesn't understand I'm Autistic she doesn't understand my trouble expressing in recognizing other people's feelings she doesn't understand I have problems express myself and they often times get upset by constant bickering and noise and yelling and intruding.

And I am developmentally delayed.

and it's just that if I was diagnosed earlier or maybe during the time that I went with my grandmother maybe I would have such a hard time now maybe the kids picked on me because of my autism symptoms That were neglected. Maybe I wouldn't have such a hard time getting services and maybe I would have so much difficulty cognitively and with my memories and repetitive speaking.

The evaluators themselves mentioned in my speech was at times hard to understand I did Eco I need to know if it's completely gone instead of repeating other people are getting myself or similar things other people said.

I'm sorry just had to get that off my chest.

I can dig it, I believe I was stunted as a child also by lack of enrichment/dx/treatment of my various mental thingies.

Sounds like a very stressful and unhelpful situation for you. I truly feel bad for you. I had far more support from my parents but problems as well. Schools say I was gifted and perhaps that was true for some things. When it came to social interaction and other things I was delayed. But I had a huge vocabulary and mastery of language early on. I was reading by age 3 and in school by age 4. But I had difficulties throughout school and some subjects I just had a very hard time with. I understand back when I was a child, no one knew what this was. Had my communication skills been delayed, perhaps the outcome would have been different. Regardless it was the past and I won't dwell on it.

I just hope you have someone you can lean on for support. Going it alone is no picnic and instead of criticizing you she should be helping you. It does sound like she is in denial however.

This seems like my situation, too. My mom was very critical and my dad is very distant.
They didn't understand how to deal with me, but they thought that was normal for children.

Though really, this could go in the haven section...

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to The Haven on OP's request]

I don't understand the thread reference, looked but couldn't find it. Hope posting helped.

As I read the details were confusing, but I do and always have had trouble with looking outside my head at the world to try to make sense of myself and others and how to get along. And when you're trying to figure people out using logic, it puts you at such a disadvantage, because usually, they aren't, people often just don't make sense!

I often get very desperate as I see things like you're describing where people are hurting me and not making sense. When I think about about what people should do that would work better and be more logical, more sensible, always feel worse. Because I don't and can't understand why they won't!! And I think because how they are thinking is maybe so different, it separates me even more from others at a time I need connection and support to get through being overwhelmed.

People think how they think and what they think. Mostly, facts and logic aren't enough to change their minds.

I find you beautiful Jeni, I love reading your posts, and at Wrong Planet, sometimes reason and logic and facts work. You're extremely articulate here, and you argue your position well. But a lot of people here think similarly to how you do, and have been through similar, and relate to you, it's different from the real world where most people think differently than you.

They're still people, though. Sometimes, you can reach others by knowing that. Finding something to sympathize with and appreciate. It hurts to say this because to me, you're still a kid and logically I think people should take care of you. All the more so because you're an autistic kid. It's crazy illogical for me to think or even suggest to you that you could try to sympathize with your grandmothers not understanding you and feeling she goes through a lot, you go thigh much more and you are the one with the label of autism. You are the child who cannot vote or drive. But it's a reality of learning to survive for me that when people are actin angry, illogical, and abandoning me, it's completely ineffective to look for logic. Paradoxically we are the labeled ones, we are the ones who see what's really happening, and I hope Jeni that you can find a way through this.

I am sure you know this, but I have to write it anyway, please forgive if it sounds condescending, I just often need to hear this so need to say to you: someone else's meltdown is never your fault unless you're a predatory troll. You aren't that Jeni. Anyone reading your posts knows that.

Adult meltdowns toward you are their fault, their responsibility.

There are things you should try to learn to do to minimize or prevent the psychological damage from other people's meltdowns, that's all.

An adult going on at you with no effort to solve the problem and the way you describe just sounds like your grandmother is having meltdowns at you. I know I could be wrong. And doesn't mean she has autism too. But having written all that, and since autism is genetic, I guess maybe it doesn't hurt anything if you are able to, you could try thinking what you would do if you learned (not saying she is) your grandmother was autistic. Just as an exercise in getting away from the frustration of why does she act so badly, so inappropriately. And how do YOU choose to respond to her.

And I don't know what it is to be identified early, I do know it would have been good for me, for you, for any and all of us to have a parent who did the fighting for us so we did not have to. And who thought and told us we are awesome.

I'm not sure if anyone does that for you, but Jeni, you are truly an awesome person!! !!

Thread referenced

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt254626.html

[quote="jenisautistic"]



It always a mix of how you were wired when you were born, and how you were parented.

Thank you for your kind words the thing is i don't know when my family does stuff like this. They will make me upset and confused like i don't know who's right and then later they will act like nothing happened untill it happens agian.