How does a person manage to raise their self-esteem...

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...when they are so utterly behind the great majority of others that it's unreal? And they know this?

You can remind yourself of the many things others are behind you in comparison. The fact that you know about being behind also distinguishes you from those who don't (though it doesn't bring happiness).

know that all people are equal.

a book that helped me is "the self-esteem companion" by McKay, fanning et al.

My recommendation is to ditch self-esteem. Relying on others to feel good is a pointless endeavor. It may happen. It may not.

Instead just survive and find a hobby/obsession and get better at it than you were the day before.

I'm don't think I could define precisely what makes a person good but I can say what doesn't and reaching milestones in development, becoming independent or having a relationship ect. does not make a person morally good or worthwhile. Conversely, being behind your peers in development does not make you less of a good person or less worthwhile.

*I'm very behind my peers so perhaps it benefits me to believe this but I really do believe it.

Martial arts, bodybuilding, kickboxing...

Vain answers I'm giving, but they work.

Uprising has it right. I don't know what you are referring to specifically but essentially you have already done the first the step.

Step 1: Realize you are somewhere you don't want to be.

Step 2: Picture where you want to be and be realistic.

Step 3: Make a list of the obstacles between where you are now and where you want to be. This is actually the hardest part. You really have to think about what will make you happy as a person and what steps will get you there.

Step 4: Conquer the first obstacle and don't look back.

I learned that beating myself up doesn't work it just makes things worse.

When you find out, tell me.

That is a good question.

Learn to do one thing very, very well. Something that a lot of other people can't do or do well. Possibly develop some part of yourself like get into bodybuilding, or some type of sport that you can do if you are like me and clumsy that doesn't involve hitting a ball, catching one or kicking one. Maybe develop your humor so you are entertaining. If you have a good speaking voice, why not try out for some small local theater and learn to act and be in plays and get very good at it. Maybe find a craft or a skill and work on it, like drawing if you have that talent, or even something cool like building ships in bottles or something. Learn something that you can show off and people will go "Awesome!"

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Agreed with the above, I think actual real self esteem comes with real worth. This comes with work; employ your talents and with work you will become someone. But this requires a lot of patience and long-term planning, but I can promise you that if you keep with this you will be rewarded.

Get away from the trap of comparing self against others. Don't allow other people to convince you that you have low self esteem.

Get head straight wrt to "behind others".

You don't have to compete with others past finding a way to stay housed and fed and cared for when ill. That's really all. If you're lucky, you've got people helping you with this.

Beyond that you're allowed simply to exist. You can also enjoy yourself, if that's something that happens for you.

You're not obliged to make a lot of money.
Or to own a house or a car.
Or to have children.
Or to have a spouse.
Or to be celebrated in your profession.
Or to have a profession.
Or to have various degrees or licenses.

Depending on where you go and who you are, people will pop up and demand to know why you haven't done X, as if it's some sin against God and man if you don't. I think it's pretty much safe to ignore all of them unless they're (a) wanting to know when you're going to stop abandoning your children; or (b) teenagers wanting you to come talk to JOSHUA and turn off the impending global thermonuclear war.

A lot of NT people go chasing off after these things, too, and get some or all of them, and are perfectly miserable, because it turns out this isn't what they wanted, also the job, house, car, kids and wife turn out to require a godawful lot of maintenance.

In other words, if you're not stabbing people and you have a bed and food, and likelihood of more of that next week, you're okay.