Don't know what I want.

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I am on SSI now so that helps with some income...but just gotta figure out something to do with my life. Some recent crap I heard of a student getting penalized for recording proof of being harrassed really pisses me off. That was a moment I wished I was a good hacker so I could have f*****d up that schools website but not that good at computers unfortunately. I did post I hope their school burns down so if the authorites confront me I'll just telll them I was angry...hope they don't freak out about that though.

Get out. Buy a small camper so that you don't have to pay rent, live it up with the rest of your money.

the only thing that works for me, is to let go and let god. but if one is an atheist then I pray one finds some succor somewhere.

It's good to hear you got SSI at least, I remember you mentioning that you were declined before. That's the thing tho, what do you do next? It kind of scares me thinking about what I'll do after I finally get my life together, how can I ever actually be happy with my life? I envy religious people who can get comfort from it and feel as if it gives them a purpose in life, I've never felt the faith. I have more than enough on my plate right now to worry about just trying to find a way to become independent but it all seems like sisyphean task in the end, I just hope somewhere along the line that I meet some people that make my time worthwhile. I don't want to be stuck around my family forever.

The story you mention is ridiculous by the way, the government can spy on everyone and not one person goes to jail but a disabled kid records his bullies and he gets a wiretapping charge? So many infuriating things in the news nowadays.

Finding a focus to your life can be pretty difficult. Even though most of the things i have done in life have revolved around photography or writing, even with that focus, i still have a hard time narrowing my interests down to a specific area that i can really excel at. I guess my problem is i don't like to cut off any options so i keep my interests sufficently varied that i can changed direction at a moments notice. Or maybe i just don't commit to any one thiing.

So i guess the way i deal with my dislike for long term commitments to any single career is that i create small projects for myself. These are things that i can get enthusiastic for a short amount of time; sometimes as little as a day, or maybe a week or a month if i'm really excited.

Social justice seems to be important to you. Would it be interesting to do some poking around and getting information on this school that unjustly peanlized the student? Would you be able to get enough information to expose a culture of repressive tactics used by the administration?

Perhaps simply studying social justice issues without necessarily acting on them might be an appealing enough project.

It needn't be anything you spend a huge amount of time on (unless you really get into it) but the idea is to try things that interest you but can be accomplished quickly or picked up and dropped at your convenience. That way you don't get overwhelmed by the enormity of a particular project and it holds your interest enough that you can start to explore what really appeals to you.

Perhaps if you make a list of the things you could get excited by doing, this might help clarify the range of things that might make for interesting projects. Write down any crazy idea. You don't have to do any of these. But it could give you a starting point for where your interests really lie. As you consider these ideas, you may find a few that stand out as realistic ideas for things you could really get into doing.

I guess the reason why i am rambing on about personal projects is that i feel this might be a good way to find direction in your life. I have had a bad habit of resisting experiences that i was not already familiar with. I know i would have benefitted from trying more things. Sometimes i take classes to force me into trying things i normally avoid. I am currently taking a photography class that has forced me to submit my fine art photography to a magazine. I was really avoiding this, but after doing the assignment, i find it wasn't as difficult as i had feared.

I really understand the difficulty in finding focus in life. (I'm having a hard enough time finding a focus to this response ) It can be quite daunting to try to come up with one or two things that you think you could commit to for the long term. But nothing has to be forever. Give yourself the freedom to try something for a while and then, if it isn't working for you, drop it and move on to something better.

Does your town have organizations like Habitat for Humanity? Would the idea of guerrilla gardening appeal to you? Or getting yourself arrested in some civil disobedience situation? Are the things that really interest you social or are they personal?

Anyway hopefully some of this might be useful food for thought.

Sweetleaf! still waiting to go out to lunch with you [my treat] I am also a social actiivist and your passion and sensitivity,combines with others who feel the same way, are needed to make great and positive changes.

We'll have to wait until at least weekend after next as I am still uncomfortable leaving my husband alone.

You are an incredible young woman. and I am a wee bit envious that you will have many years to be able to effect great changes in your lifetime.

Now that you have some breathing space because you have some income from SSI you can actually think (as opposed to worry) about your next move.

Was thinking along the lines of what Vicky said. Maybe you can channel that anger into something constructive. Get involved somehow in autism advocacy maybe.