I can't vocalize properly when I'm being hurt.

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All my life I struggle with trying to hold back meltdowns the best I can, but it feels like I'm failing miserably. My mom always blames it all on me and tells me I need to let things go. How can I tell them that her and my brother constantly hurt me and usually when I'm already vulnerable from a stressful event such as grocery shopping or having lost control of something that's mine. They tell me I'm winy and that I'm the bad child even though my brother has caused me so much pain and he gets away with it.

No one really seems to care what I'm experiencing just to try and get by in life. Plus They really don't seem to know much about autism except what they happen to see popularized by the media, they don't even try to understand my sensory issues which I believe are the core of Autism. I'm constantly overwhelmed to the point I almost live with headphones on and stay locked up inside.

Is there any way to escape from all this? Lately I keep contemplating suicide because I don't want to live like this anymore and I can't work so I can't move out the house.

hey man, i have the exact same problem an i want u to know that ur not alone, research about autism an pull up some sites on the internet an ask ur mom nicely if she has a minute to talk that u really need someone, tell her all u want to do is to be understood, an tell her u feel ur meltdowns are very hard to hold back an usually are initated by some statements, an that if your mom talked to you differently then the meltdowns maybe will subside, tell her you hate them just as much as she does an you just want help an want to be accepted, hang in there man, life is like a mountain, your just at your 30th mountain peak all you gotta do is climb down an reach the next one, cheers an i hope u feel better!

I can relate to the situation with your brother, my two younger brothers are still at home and are considerable source of stress for me. I try my best to get a long with them and I don't think they're intentionally trying to hurt me but it has gotten to the point where I'm trying to look for a room or something somewhere else. I lock my bedroom door and put my headphones on a lot too.