adjustment

Post Reply New Topic

I am not adjusting well, my boy and I connect now but I feel like I am going mad...Before finding out about aspergers and other asd's I was striving for a place where I would'nt experience stress and anxiety over every thing...I had accepted that I was a 'bit weird' and had built a pretty convincing mask to hide my constant anxiety, incidently my relationships up until now ( right now ) have been from the mask, naturally my family and wife have always known I was a bit strange but were unaware that the personality traits exhibited by the mask where not correct...now all that is gone and I can't process this... ..!?!
my avatar is misleading..

I don't know if this will help you, but after I was diagnosed I was feeling the same way. Then I started to realise that if nothing else, the 'label' actually freed me to be more true to myself, as opposed to trying to change to fit into an NT world. Instead of stressing over whether I've communicated properly or trying to be interested in something I'm not, I've been able to tell people that my brain is wired differently than theirs and to be patient and clear. Also, now I can be stressed if I want to, mad if I want to, happy and singy if I want to, instead of constantly repressing myself to comply with the comfort of others.
Own it, brutha.
Peace.

Masks.

My dad told me a long time ago, very seriously. I should be an actor. I didn't have a clue why he would say such a thing. I do now. I only understand it as recently as a matter of days ago. I took the Aspie quiz and he made that statement about 30 years ago. I changed my character so much to fit the current need. I was good at it.

Relationships.

I find it so much easier now to let my wife know whats going on inside me. Just because of some of the new terms I can use. Brain overload, meltdown, overwhelmed and more. It isn't that I didn't let my mask drop around her, it is because I couldn't let her know easier what was going on, why I did what I did, said what I said, withdrew as much as I did. It is changing and changing fairly darn fast. She walked around on eggshells because she just didn't know how I would react. She internalized so much of my behavior and thought it her fault. I see our relationship getting stronger for just being able to understand the why of it all. It will still take a while for it all to sink in and our previos ways of dealing with things to evolve.

Aspie.

I look at it as both a curse and a blessing.

I don't want to do some of the things I need to, thats the simple way to put that part. But I need to and I've let myself off the hook on that or try to.

I can do things others can't just because I have learned ways of dealing with the normal world. I couldn't do it before I had gathered a bit more of how to channel my strangness to a goal. Better put let the Aspie guide me through my compulsions. That got better with age. I still have to retreat and gather my coping skills, it still isn't easy, but I have found life and accomplishments easier to see and do. It's because I think things differently that I can "think out of the box" way better then others. I guess the hard part for me is to build up the self confidance. I try to work on it a little every day, when focus allows. Just knowing what it is, to be able to put a name on it, helps me an awful lot.

I see you write music. Dude, if you get that mojo working with being able to think out of the box. Heh, I'd be interested. That's the kind of stuff that leads music in a different direction. Even if it's just for your own self, find the reward in it. It's that kind of thing where we can excell. It isn't just in music, the list is endless.

I think your avatar is very good.

thankyou for your thoughts, I am having a bad day, I am seeing things in a new light and its hard, my family(parents, siblings) are upset and I can' t make anybody feel better....luckily my wife is very supportive and my children are good ( my boy has the same condition, my girl doesn't seem to exhibit any traits and my youngest girl, its too early to tell )...once again thankyou.

I know what you are going through. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago at 45. Miserable, suicidal. Since then I have learned to embrace my AS. After all, it is how God made me, right? I also figured out that the humans designed the world not for us, but for them. Knowing this I have started my 'F the humans' campaign. It sounds harsh, but it is all about paying attention to what my nervous system is telling me about my environment. For example, I love comfy socks, soft clothing, soft lights, the booth at the back of the resturant. When I think about it I think I like cats better than dogs even though that is considered less manly.

Pay attention to yourself. If you find yourself getting uncomfortable, look around for bright lights, loud noises and stuff like that and try to do something about it. Be gentle with yourself. We are a sensitive breed, and the humans just do not understand.