Well, I did it.

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I buried my mother. I also carried her up that steep ass hill, over old headstones to her grave. Which, of course, was at the top of the hill, a long way from the road. The undertaker obviously didn't have much confidence in me to do it, but I showed him. yes, I was sweating and out of breath when we put her down, but so was everybody else. I sucked it up and went deep and took every bit of resource I had and did it. Then, I had the ritual at the cemetary, which I had to wait around for cause the priest didn't seem to want to leave and I couldn't do it with him there. And I think it scared the black guy who drove the backhoe who was standing there. Cause as soon as I started it got cloudy and thundered and a little rain fell. It was sort of supposed to do that. Last I saw of him, he was hightailing it the other way. I think the knife may have frightened him, but I only cut myself, on the hand, and it's actually healing some now. I needed to put the blood on her casket and in the grave. My son wouldn't help me with it. He just couldn't. He was a basket case. Too broke up.

We all put flowers on her casket, when the priest was there. Squirted her with the holy water and all too. Which made everybody cry.

My younger daughter isn't talking to me now. The toe thing upset her. I can sorta understand that, but I thought she knew. I honestly did think she knew. How is she going to do that for me if she's such a titty baby about doing this for my mother? I don't kow. It's all on me. But though, it turned out nice.

Except for where the car broke down on the way to the cemetary. We had to leave it and ride with my other daughter and her bf. It's being towed right now. Then, after the funeral, this total stranger, this guy who drove up here from NOLA and said he knew my mother just handed me a check for 200 bucks. Out of the blue. Holy s**t! I think i actually said "holy s**t".

My neighbor was there. The Dr's wife. She came. That meant a lot to me. My best friend couldn't be there but she came by right as we were leaving. She brought me boxes to box up my mother's stuff. It's truck day at the grocery store so she couldn't go anywhere.

There we were too, out in Fairfield, which is a VERY bad part of town. Everybody was locking their doors and s**t but I was all like "OMG I took ballet there!" and "OMG that place is still open! I miss living here!" My oldest son, who rode with us, said "Well this explains everything now".

I just don't know what to do now. I went a little crazy right there at the end of it all at the cemetary, before I did my thing there. It was over and I looked at my husband and said "We need a truck or something so we can take her back home. She can't die, for God's sakes!" It was a little bit emotional and s**t but he slapped me good and i was ok after that. Then he had to go down to the car and get the sack with the rock salt, the knife and the corn meal and rum for my thing. That's when the grave digger got scared off. I don't know why he got scared, he works in a cemetary, for the love of God. But I thought that priest was NEVER going to leave. I had to stand there at the top of that hill, alone, by her casket for a good ten minutes or so while he just stood by his car, waiting. He knew something was up, I think. I just don't care anymore. I have no more f***s left to give (as in "I don't give a f**k").

My hand though, is almost completely healed. And I know that's my Mama doing that for me, cause it was a pretty deep cut.

you know, before, I said my life had gotten so Southern Gothic that it was like a Flannery O'Connor story, but it's just crossed the line into Eudora Welty.

Sounds like quite a ceremony, hopefully it brought you and all there some closure.

I'm so sorry about your mom. Say, what is the blood and cornmeal all about?

Those two sentences together are kind of funny! Imagine saying that to someone at a funeral you presided over.

And you forgot the toe! What's the toe about?

I have this image of OOM on her deathbed sawing her own toe off, wailing, My daughter is a titty baby, I have to do it myself!

Sorry OOM, you just tell very vivid stories! Are you doing ok?

Is this reality?

The toe. I hope that's a typo. A lot of your narrative doesn't make sense to me.

I love you. And yes it's ok. As for the other poster, I have my mothers little toe from her left foot in my purse. No, we took all the flesh off it at the funeral parlor. It's just bone. It's for a doll. For the other one, yes, this is, sadly to say, the truth.

And it's supposed to be a finger, but they would have noticed that.

I guess it's a mementoe.

I'm so gonna call it that now!

haha

Momentfinger just doesn't have the same ring to it.

I can hardly move my right arm now. I guess muscle exertion can do that. It didn't make the boys like that though.

Now my friend is bitching at me for carrying my mother. She was all like why at first and I told her, cause I can. Then she was like no you didn't! OMG thats so bad, etc. She said people will think horrible of me now. I told me my reputation's been ruined qa while ago. She was just so f*****g wierd about it.

I always heard the old saying,"blessed are the dead it rains on."Sorry for your loss.

OOM should have it shot into space on a rocket.

That it way it will be a "missle toe"!

That's toetally awesome.

Its just toe much.