Breaking Point

Post Reply New Topic

I'm just sick of everything right now and it's not getting better. Everything for me just doesn't turn out. I'm just so lonely right now and no one, not even my family understands me. I could go forever without someone contacting me...I have to or else I don't hear from anyone. Girls...yeah that's a foreign language to me.

But on top of all of that at least I have my family...right? No. I can't stand my mother anymore. Yes I realize I should be moving out but because of bad luck with my old car, I need to save up for a new car and I can't afford both a new car and an apartment at this time. I go to work, come home, do things around the house, and I still constantly get crapped on.

I changed a lightbulb last night and we have a weird light in how the cover screws on. I'm in the middle of doing it and she starts yelling at me on how to do it...she takes it upon herself to get a chair to stand on and impede my progress and only make it worse. I get one chance to do something and if it's wrong within seconds I'm getting chastised on how I don't know how to do anything. I try to explain why she shouldn't do this but she yells and so I yell and then I'm the animal. I walk away and go downstairs to get away from her and I start hearing mumbling of how I'm not going to amount to anything. After a few minutes, she asks if I can grab a stool that she left in the cellar, I don't say anything but get up to go and get it and then hear "Moron."

I violently flip a chair over and now I have mental issues...she continues to blab on and on and on while I'm far away in the boiler room hysterically crying on how my misfortune will never end. I then think about rejection from girls and my failure with them for 22 years, how my friends jokingly laugh every time something small goes against me, like how my family thinks I'm wacko, and I just want everything to stop.

I keep getting told it gets better but it only gets worse. You know last Friday I was playing basketball with a bunch of friends and after we were done playing and we were thinking of what to do next, I was checking my phone while someone threw a ball up that ended up coming right at me...looking down, I jump when someone says lookout only to get nailed in the head. I fall to the ground and everyone starts cracking up, but I am just about knocked out. I say it's not funny it hurt really bad and I see a couple rolling on the ground so I get up and go off on everyone, kick a basketball and walk down the street.

You see the running joke with my friends is how bad my luck is...so people were laughing because "they couldn't believe I got hit like that...because the odds are so slim." But you know what I had a horrible week, and I hate being embarrassed. It all started in 6th grade when I was made fun of by teachers in front of the whole class at the "end of the year awards." It has never stopped since that day and everything always seems to go wrong.

Last Monday, I hit a huge nail on my way home and now have to get a new tire and it isn't even my car, because my car's electrical system went haywire, so I need a new car. Then I get turned down yet again on Wednesday but this time it wasn't done nicely and I was embarrassed in front of people and then the basketball incident happened on Friday.

Now this episode with my mom happened yesterday and I don't know what to do anymore...it just seems like everything and everyone in the world is against me and I'm sick of it. I just want, no I need just something to go right in my life. It can just be a small thing, something to make me believe I'm not in for a lifetime of misfortune.

I think I need anger management as well...when I flipped out on Friday, a guy that played with us, who is a little older had his wife and little kid there as the came to pick him up, and I swore in front of them...and I immediately felt bad after the fact but I was just so far past my boiling point. I don't know...I feel like all of my friends who witnessed that will keep their distance for a while so now it's going to even be worse than before.

Someone please give me some words to help me out. Thanks

First of all, what your mom is doing is abuse. She has no right behaving that way, and most importantly, it is NOT your fault. No matter what she says.

I know it's really hard to keep your temper when someone is treating you badly, but it's always a good idea to try to keep it cool in those kinds of situation. Try to be the adult, where she can't. If you yell back at her you'll only pour more fuel on the fire. I know it's hard, but as long as you are trying you're doing more than she is, and that is something to take pride in.

As for the bad luck, maybe you're having a hard time paying attention to your surroundings, because of all the stress built up inside you? If a lot of your attention goes on dealing with negative emotions (looking inward), this could make it harder to be aware of your surroundings.

I think your luck will turn as soon as your living situation starts to change, because there will be less to worry about. In the meantime you could also look into some breathing exercises to help you relax (no, really, they do work!). It's also good to do something creative, like painting, playing music, building something. It doesn't even have to be good. As long as you create something with your own hands, it will help with the anxiety. If it doesn't, you can always rip it up/smash it to pieces, which can also be healthy in moderation. Everything that helps you become more relaxed will also help reduce anger issues.

Most importantly, it will not always be this way. I know it's not much comfort now, but there will be better days. You will move out, and you will get a new car (or learn to live without it), and life will get easier. And even if it doesn't, you will find coping strategies to make it easier.

You have friends?! !!
Plural?! !

You're way ahead in lifes fu*king game right now, aspie, NT or dolphin!

The rest of it is vile bullsh*t that would drive anyone insane.
Just make sure you're not pattern seeking a confirmational bias about your luck. More things go wrong than right on this planet.
But I know how you feel... =(

Whose that in your avatar?

It's obvious that you should get your own place as soon as possible.

You sound like an alright person--get away from the rathole that is your parents' place.

Me.

Wow! You are a very handsome young man. I thought it was a picture of Jean Claude Van Dam [or whatever his name is]

I agree with that. Some people are so stuck in their ways that there is no reasoning with them. My mom is not quite like this but she is painful. I once found some stuff she wrote about me on her facebook that I didn't appreciate at all. I tried to tell her calmly that it was not cool and she got very upset starting throwing a fit. I decided right then and there that she will just do whatever she wants.

I'm currently planning moving to a city that is bicycle friendly like Denver or at least a city the has as many sidewalks as streets. I was renting a duplex before and I had a car and there was something wrong with it every other week. A car is a paycheck annihilating machine. I have a really nice bike though I just need to find a way out of my parents house and try it again. Bicycles don't need hundreds of dollars in repairs and Greyhound busses go everywhere. Good luck.