Miserable Mothers Day :'(

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Instead of showing how much I love and appreciate her today, which I normally do on Mother's Day and every other day of the year, I spent most of the day feeling depressed, tired, weak, unmotivated and just miserable about my life and everything around me in general. Even today my mother enjoys getting up early and spending her time cleaning up and playing a game on the computer while I have to struggle just to get out of bed before noon. I have not been feeling very good for weeks now, I don't if it's because the weather is nearly always awful, I feel like I'm turning into a a grey, brainless zombie from lack of sun, I can't sleep at night, I feel tired and disgusting all day, and I'm I still haven't really recovered from being trapped in my apartment for almost a week from a huge, long snowstorm while my parents went on a trip down south. My mother and I discussed my possibly moving to a new apartment because my knees are in bad shape and I won't be able go up and down big flights of stairs from my apartment and might need a wheelchair before I'm 45 my body is just going to fall apart and that's all I have to look forward to. But the chances that I'll find a new apartment that's just as good as the one I have that now that is on the ground floor and allows pets like my two cats and is in a good location and doesn't cost a ton of money and doesn't have idiot neighbors who don't make noise constantly is probably almost nil. Everything I used to like doing seems like a huge effort and about the only thing I still like doing is playing casual games on my computer or my tablet I don't have the desire to play the console games for my Wii, GC, DS and SNES. it makes me feel very guilty and frustrated and there are other things I should be doing more of like going outside but like I said the weather's awful most of the time and it's very boring and I don't have the imagination or creativity to make crafts or draw and when I try they turn out stupid-looking and what's the point I'm never going to make money doing them anyway.
I feel like an obese, lazy blob of a human like the people in That Wall-E movie because they have robots doing everything for them. And today instead of enjoying the day with my mother I started crying and when we tried talking she said I looked "grumpy" and started laughing and then this made me very angry and I grabbed my stuff and left my parents how without wishing her a Happy Mother's Day. I hate my life I'm a loser and I fail at everything and I probably have cancer and will die.

I haven't even called my mother all day, and as a result I actually feel really guilty. I just really don't feel like talking to her right now. If it were Father's Day, I wouldn't even feel like talking to my father either, because truthfully, I've actually been feeling a lot of animosity towards my parents lately, despite, yet partially because of, the fact that they no longer play a significant role in my life.

Sorry to hear that.

I can't say today was a good day for me either. I've been depressed to the point of suicide. In fact, I've been looking up methods on the internet. I pace back and forth in my apartment saying "Death, where is thy sting?" Loneliness and the possibility of homelessness has be down. I just feel like I'm going around in circles. Boy, did I pick a fine time to be sober!

*HUGS*, guys.

sorry you're having such a rough time. when i was unemployed and relying on my elderly parents for housing, i thought i might suicide to prevent homelessness if they died. a therapist told me to take suicide off the table and i'd feel better. she was right.

i don't know your situation well enough to know what your prospects are. i know from your book that you are bright and talented. all i can say is that i thought my life was over, then i got disability benefits and a part-time job. at 52, i married for the first time. my life is a happy one. celebrating five years of marriage next weekend. i hope something positive happens for you soon.

Be glad you got yours. Really.

Sound like depression, you should consult quickly.

I agree that you sound pretty depressed & should try to speak to a professional about it.

I went to visit my Mom @ her senior's home. She wouldn't wake up. She has "Sundowner Syndrome" which means that she is awake all night & sleeps very little, but very deeply in the day time. This is why she is in a nursing home. No one could cope with her being up all night long, falling out of her wheel chair all night, ( numerous times) during the night, & getting into trouble & quite possibly hurting herself if some one wasn't there & awake to keep her safe. I spent many nights trying to sleep in the living room in a chair so I'd hear if she got moving around.
I get very upset when I visit her. About 80% of the time she is abusive. My daughter will no longer visit her & since she has outlived everyone else - family & friends, I am her only visitor now.
I came in with flowers, & presents. She wouldn't talk to me @ first. Then she started slapping & kicking at me when I tried to wake her up to see her Mom's day stuff. " I'M SLEEPING!"
I tried to write her a couple of notes on her white board (she is completely deaf & beyond help from a hearing aid)
At the 2nd, try she asked me if I'd, "Like a boot up the arse!"
I left, in tears as is usual for these visits.
I'm going to have to go back some time to see if the presents we bought her fit her.
This is the 1st long weekend of the year. I'm already sad cuz everyone else is going out somewhere & I'm here on my own -as usual.
I used to get these 'pep talks' from the support workers about, "She has dementia. She doesn't mean the things she says & does."
O.K.! Fine! But after years of this, it doesn't mean much to say that she is crazy. It doesn't mean anything to put a label on Abuse, & dress it up. It doesn't matter WHY she treats people the way she does, it just matters that she does. And it hurts people!
My daughter will no longer go to see her at all. Mom pulled too many sh***y stunts on her when Mom lived with us. (wrecking her things, ripping up her artwork etc.) Making things up about her, & blaming her for things that she didn't so. How Crazy is it to walk into a room & see your mother in the act of destroying something, & then have her deny that she is doing it (while she still continues to wreck it) & then have her claim that her Grand daughter did it!??! !

All these public service announcements about "Elder Abuse" ... maybe they should do some about elders abusing their kids & grandkids-?