If i no longer existed would anyone care?

Post Reply New Topic

I have been wondering i know my mother would care but afterwards after her passing comes would anyone else care? I have done a lot of bad things like trolling pranking joking online out of hyperactivity and mischief that if I never existed the world would be a better place? I sometimes contemplate suicide time and time again and fight those thoughts and since my mom is dying of cancer I am holding off on those thoughts because I dont want her to live the last of her days unhappy but might contemplate suicide after she passes. It is probably the best thing for me to do or not I am not sure anymore!

Yes. I think people would care.
I don't know you very well, but I would care, and I'm sure there are others on WP and in 'real life' who would miss you if you were not around.

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. If you want to talk or anything, feel free to PM or something?
Please take care of yourself.

AspeiOtaku, let me tell you something for free. If I were to die tomorrow, there would be two people on this whole wide world who would miss me and who would cry sincere tears: my mother and my father. Nobody else. Yes, my other relatives would also be saddened, but they never knew me to the extent that either my mum or my dad. I have no friends, my old classmates or co-workers probably don't think about me all that much anymore, and if my online contacts would find out I had passed away, they'd probably talk about it for a couple posts, and then drop it and move on.

But yes, my mother and father would feel very hurt if they were to survive me. I would be very hurt if either of them passed away. But I also know that, come the day that either of them is on their dying bed, they would wish that I would go on and live and be happy. Because it would destroy them to see that I'm being miserable all the time and not feel like going on and making the most of life. I think that's also an important thing to remember while you are going through these difficult times of coping with your mother's illness. She would be sad if you were dying instead. She would be sad if she would find you dead tomorrow. Come the dreadful but inevitable day of her passing, she needs to know that you can go on without her, and be happy. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I hope you'll get through it. In this world, at the end of the day, everyone is alone. You shouldn't need a whole lot of others to justify you're being in this world.

There's a big difference between "people sometimes find that certain things you do are annoying" and "people hate you and want you dead".

I am very sorry that your mom will be leaving your side soon. But the truth is that she gave birth to you. After her passing, you must live on for her because cancer is not a natural death. She is being taken from this earth sooner than she should be taken - this is why you must be strong and live on for her. Cultivate your interests, adopt a faith and possibly a pet. Celebrate the life that she lived and do this for her long after she is gone from here. Live on for the person who gave you life. She did a great deal of work in the delivery room to get you here. Childbirth is not easy. Do you want all that work to be for nothing?? I had at one time considered suicide myself and I honestly don't know whether my uncle read my mind or was thinking this as well. He said,"You know something - suicide is a completely selfish act. People should try being selfless and ease another person's pain to help lighten their own personal burden. It's an amazing thing to do good deeds without any recognition or expectation. That is the ideal human being". His words moved me to tears. I felt ashamed of what I was thinking. I didn't belong to myself or anybody else. At that moment, I felt I belonged to God. I have no set religion but I never considered suicide again. I wouldn't dare. He also reminded me that even a bug no matter how wretched its life is, will cling to life and try to escape or fight something that is trying to eat it. Bugs like being alive yet they are so very much hated.
Also, learn if you can be a part in the fight against cancer for humankind in general - no matter what that thing can be. You can go on a walk, write a paper, secure employment in an industry that is involved in preventing various cancers. You can donate some volunteer time to the cancer research industry on your mom's behalf. Let her live on but in YOU. Be her legacy. As a small kid growing up in the dregs of inner city Philadelphia, I read something in the children's library that stuck in my head for a long time. It was a Japanese tale about ancient times and a man call Banakai whose job it was to protect the emperor. When the enemy came to the castle, one of them shot an arrow into Banakai's eye but it didn't kill him. He fought off an entire enemy hoard to protect his beloved emperor BUT WITH AN ARROW THROUGH HIS EYE!! That how I learned what "conviction" was. Read about "bushido" and the samurai. Please come back and tell us all on WP your thoughts on all that you have read. Teach us things about the noble samurai. Be our own Banakai. Would you agree to do this for us all? Pretty please

I believe you have a role to play in this world. I wouldn't squander your potential worth by taking the easy way out.

She wouldn't want you to do that.She would want you to live and be happy.

maybe you see yourself as gaijin but to us you are gaijinsan - a big difference.

This.

Just learn not to hit "submit" sometimes, that's all.

Ill try my best Im just not in my right state of mind right now Ive just been really down its just harsh and hurts bad. I should just get over it but I cant just get over it over night this pain is lingering its dragging me down and im not sure what to do. I suppose I shouldnt kill myself my sister did text me a few weeks ago for me to save the date of May 2nd 2015 because my sister is getting remarried next year, which is some good news for me to hear for once and I got me a new car again and I have my own place and my life back after 8 years that my ex took away from me. Its just really harsh first my grandma dies and soon my mom will follow its not fair but there's nothing I can do life isn't fair and I have to deal with it. I wish there was and I have been doing all I could I care very much its just a painful thing to deal with. I will probably get over this its just alot to take on right now.

*sigh* Ill try I know I come off immature and annoying and I am sorry for it, I am sorry about everything I have done but just because I come off immature sometimes crude etc doesn't mean I don't care about how others feel, I still have a heart. I know not everyone likes the class clown which I pretty much am at times but you are right i will have to be careful what im about to type and rethink whether its appropriate or not to submit. When I feel I have done wrong I self attack my guilt grows and grows and I get overly harsh on myself nobody provides a harsher punishment on myself than myself in a way I am my own bully. The news of my mom having cancer was just the wrong time I suppose and I took that in the wrong way.

I am telling the truth that I would miss your posts.

Matter of fact, there was a period you were not posting and wondered what happened.

Im sorry everyone im so sorry for being down Ill get through this I must I must rise above and be strong, instead of beating myself up im going to get outside and get some fresh air and gaze upon the sky try and cherish life while I can and the things I have still, the people I love before they are gone forever! As a token for being there and caring about me I dedicate this song to you all! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF7NpKfiZuI[/youtube]As I wipe my tears I give everyone a great big hug I care about others very much and its time I care about myself and love myself.

I wonder this a lot too.


hugs

almost lost my grandma and that was tough so I kinda feel what you are going through.

Hope you chose to stay alive

You don't have to be sorry for everything you've done.
Most of the time you're a nice person.

You seem all right--just a jokester, like I am sometimes.

Who am I: how is the weather where you are? We're getting rather heavy thunderstorms here in New York City.