Jealous of my Aspie friend having a boyfriend before me

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I know I've mentioned this before but they always say it is best for people like me to hang out with like-minded people who also struggle socially and aren't very lucky with meeting people. But even my friend, who is just as Aspie as me and is 8 months younger than me, has already found herself a loving partner, and she didn't use no dating sites this time. He just came along at the place where she volunteers, and he keeps taking her out to places I would love to be going to, like the seaside for example, and the cinema, and she sleeps over his every week-end and they spend a lot of time together. I've never had that in my life. I know it sounds really mean, but part of me wants to see their relationship finish, but each time I look on her Facebook profile it looks like they're even further into the relationship each time, and it's getting on my nerves how she's managed to find the right person before I have. She doesn't like bars, and neither does he by the sound of it, and they both seem extremely happy together.

Yes I know she's my friend, and I do not let her know how jealous and left out I feel and I don't intend to because I'm not that nasty. I just make nice comments on her photos sometimes. But since she has met this stupid boyfriend, she doesn't want to see me any more, even though I have asked her a few times to come and meet me for lunch or something, she has made excuses and has stated that everything's ''boring''. I didn't argue, I just sort of left it at that, and we still make small talk on Facebook but I can tell she is only preoccupied with her boyfriend and doesn't care for friends any more. It does make me feel quite sad, and I wonder if I should tell her about my feelings but I don't know how to without sounding jealous or shirty.

I suppose the good side of this is at least it provides hope for people with these disorders that hold us back (like ASDs), and that there is chance for us to find true love and be in a real relationship. After all, why shouldn't she be able to find somebody just because she has an ASD? But even so, it still doesn't stop me from feeling quite isolated and left out. I haven't got many other friends, and I've found I am no good at making friends because of being too shy. This girl is worse than me at making friends, but now that she's found this boyfriend it will probably provide confidence for her and will start opening doors for her, and happiness will follow. I suppose it's all about being in the right place at the right time. I do volunteering too, and I also have a paid job, but at the paid job all the men there are married, and at the volunteer job they are all women, and don't ask me to join dating sites, I've tried that and didn't really get on with it.

It's good that you recognise that jealousy is a really ugly thing, but you might be able to use it to better yourself if you can move forward without resenting your friend or yourself. Jealousy is the base basis of ambition.

Instead try to be happy for your friend. At the very least you should realise that her ASD wasn't a insurmountable barrier in terms of finding romance, and this should encourage you. Be encouraged

I didn't 'find' a satisfactory relationship until I was 26. For much of my teens and early twenties I thought I was condemned to die a miserable lonely death with no more romantic experience than a few clumsy one night stands. Now, with the benefit of hindsight I know that I wasn't some kind of freak, and it was a stupid time-wasting mistake to judge my self-worth on the lack of cuddles I received from the opposite sex. Somehow I got over my self-loathing, stopped subscribing to what I thought was the ideal state of being (ie being with someone) and became comfortable in my skin. Only then did I begin to experience love, after getting my head out of my arse.

Forgive me if I'm reading too much into this and some of your previous post, but you do come across as very needy and very young. (I don't mean this as an insult) You'll get over this in your own time, but be aware that appearing needy might scare off the kind of guys you might like to date, and attract the predatory ones instead.

Also, being young, you have most of your life to experiment with romance and find 'someone'. Be patient, it isn't a race!

Just keep meeting new people and don't forget to pre-emptively forgive yourself for making any mistakes or bad judgement calls. We all do it, we all have to learn.

Does your Aspie pal's lovely new BF have any single friends? Birds of a feather and that, if you like this guy then chances are you might get along with his like-minded friends.

Yes, that was what I meant when I said about this situation provides hope for people like us. I try to tell myself that if it can happen to her, it can happen to me.



My friend was actually more needy than me. She kept trusting any boy that came along, and went on internet dating sites and every few weeks met a boy somewhere far away from home and the relationship lasted for about a week, and it just happened again and again. She kept getting heartbroken and was becoming lonely and even was posting ''somebody date me'' posts on Facebook. But now she seems to have landed on her feet in a rather promising relationship. I agree with the ''it isn't a race'' bit though.



I haven't met him yet, and I don't think I ever will. I don't want to intrude or invite myself to go out with them, and she seems to want to turn her back on her friends (well I was basically her only true friend) and just be involved with him now. I know she isn't doing anything on purpose, I don't think she realises that she's making me feel hurt because she's gotten too wrapped up in her happiness, which is quite understandable, but it still makes me feel a bit low at times.

If she doesn't want to hang out with you now that she has a bf, then I don't think she is that good of a friend. But, there is something you can learn from her, she sounds more ambitious, and probably got what she wanted after putting a bit of effort in. Granted that a great guy randomly came along to her, but she must have known what to do and acted appropriately not to miss the chance.