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I've always been able to count on my family... but none of them approves of suicide. They never told me what to do if I just want to go away from this terrible life. It isn't RM's fault. She's just the straw that broke the camel's back. Here are my real reasons of wanting to leave:

1) I'm afraid I'll never find someone and live alone
2) I just can't seem to get anything done, there's some sort of block, some barrier I can't get past
3) I can't control my anger anymore
4) I got hit in the head a few years back and it messed up my memory, it got better but it's getting worse again
5) I live in these dorms and it doesn't offer any privacy whatsoever, I need to be alone when I'm doing bathroomy things, it's eating at me more and more
6) I can't do anything for myself anymore it seems, and I can't get anyone to help me
7) It seems as everything works against me, the world is a one edged blade, it doesn't go the other way
8 ) My grandmother has cancer

You did not answer me. How old are you?

1. If you have to live alone, so be it. If not, actively seek companionship, don't let it come to you.

2. My brain feels diffuse (the only word I can use), and yet I am trying to get things done.

7. Then MAKE them work for you. The world does not shape itself around you, as much as we'd all like it to, so you must shape the world yourself.

Committing suicide would be a really stupid thing to do. You're stressed out by the dormitories, but it will pass when you leave. Ultimately, the great loss would be on you. By committing suicide the stresses win.

I don't know if I could help you; I feel the same way right now. But if you do it, then you lose. Yeah, I got that from Lilja 4-Ever. But I believe it's true.

ahayes, I'm sorry for being so mean to you... If I had known about this earlier, I would have never been so nasty towards you. Anubis showed me this topic, and when I read it, I started to feel remorse for you, which usually wouldn't happen.

Is there a health center on your campus? Have you been in to talk to someone?

You're on your own, in an irritating and discordant environment, with a grandparent seriously ill, and obviously depressed. Of course you feel awful.

And I so hate to say this, but time can help if you just hang in there. There's people who can help, so go ahead and take advantage. Those people are there for that very purpose, and you deserve help.

Much metta and karuna, Rjaye.

Please don't commit suicide. You are one of the people around here who I actually like.

We actually have many of the same problems.

I know how you feel. I was suicidal from the age of 5 until just a year ago, for a total of over 40 years. I had a love affair with death. It was a like a warm blanket that comforted me. When I was stressed out I would think about death and how wonderful it would be to be dead. Even though I was a Christian, married and successful I just wanted to die.

I never did anything about it since I did not want to leave a mess or hurt anyone else. What a stupid reason to keep living. I went to a doctor and started taking welbutrin. It made me really tired, but I wasn't so depressed anymore. After a few months I was so tired I stopped taking it. I was praying that I could hang on to the feeling of not being so depressed.

I am doing pretty good now. Life is almost worth living now. My business is doing well. I found a lot in a really nice area of Denver CO where there is a view of Pikes Peak and mountains and trees going on forever that can never be blocked 20 minutes from the office ( my wife is going to be a MAJOR roadblock on that one! ). They can build a house on that lot that is light, and airy and open with a ton of windows. Sigh.

Anyway, I found that a lot of my depression was caused by my not fitting in with the humans. I am now comfortable in NOT being a human. I am as God made me. F the humans, I need to pay attention to how my nervous system works. I like things soft, quiet, dim, soft lights. Pay attention to yourself. Really think about how you are reacting to stuff.

For example, in restaurants I like to sit in the back with my back to the wall so people do not walk up behind me. Because I know this now I can 'treat' myself to that. I like comfy socks, so I got a bunch of SmartWool socks. The humans have created a loud, bright, hard world for themselves. God in heaven, how I hate fluorescent lights! I am learning to be sensitive to what I need, not what the humans think I should like.

And, in doing so, I give myself these little treats. These treats give me something to live for. Instead of using Death as a warm, comforting blanket I can think about how good my feet feel. Or better yet take off my shoes!

...

sorry, not meant like that. I edited it out. ^ You could too.

I can say I've had the thought myself. However as the years have gone by. I've realized a one thing

My true goal is happiness, not girlfriends, not friends not family.

Just happiness.

Family, friends and girlfriends do not equal happiness. They may help you get there but they are not necessary. They don't always make you happy either.

You'll have to search to find what makes you happy but when you chase one thing you may not realize there are other things that also make you happy.

Sunrise in the middle of the forest, running, bicycling, driving along a country road, golf, target shooting, etc.