Scared of Failure

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So I start a new job tomorrow at a dog groomer's. It is part-time, only a couple of hours every three days. But she has told me that if I want to watch her doing specific cuts on my own time that would be fine. She teaches grooming at the local community college and students sometimes come to watch her do cuts. It really is a great opportunity. Moreso for the experience than the money - what I make will barely cover the cost of getting there.
I am just so worried that I won't fit in. It's fairly close quarters and my role is as yet undetermined. My plan is to first ask about the booking system and computer as that seems to be my primary responsibility. But I have to help with the dogs too. I just hope I don't suck. I would so like this to work out.

Just show up and do the best that you can do! They can't ask any more of you than that, and if they see that you are enthusiastic about the job I am sure they will be happy to have you. A good work ethic goes a long ways!

Don't worry about fitting in. Making friends shouldn't be your primary objective.

You'd be off to a good start though, assuming everyone has a common interest in canines

If you do your best at your job and have a mostly positive attitude, you should do good enough job of fitting in that it shouldn't be an issue

Yes, a good attitude and a willingness to try are usually appreciated.



My primary objective, I think, is productivity and usefulness. And to try to help without getting in the way.



I hope so. They were very inviting during my interview. I will take it slow and try to find my place.

Taking on jobs no one else wants and doing them well usually works for me when I need to make a good impression on a new boss. They tend to be fairly easy jobs, but gross or boring to folks without the ability to hyperfocus.

I spent today mostly entering client info, so that was good as it gave me something to focus on.


But still, I am overwhelmed. I know what I was scared of - not that I can't do the job, but the effects of my autism. I was disoriented and I know I appeared stupid. It's like my brain is stuck in a low gear and I'm trying to work the gear shift so I can function and I just can't. I'm just hating my autism right now. I hate this feeling of distance from others and my environment. And I hate the stupid mistakes I make.

I'm trying to go one moment at a time and distract myself. I don't want to lose it and become self destructive. I'm hearing the voices of self hated in my mind, but they are just whispers so far.

I know that feeling. Try to notice when people appreciate your work, and remind me of the same thing when it's my turn.

Smiling helps too, if you can manage it. It not only makes you more appealing to other people, it also releases endorphin and actually makes you feel better.

Endorphins are only released if the smile is real. It's funny you say that and it brings back memories; my mother used to tell me the exact same thing. I tried for about the first 18 years of my life with no success. I can't even try to fake a smile these days without if turning into a grimace. I strive for a serene expression, but I know I easily slip into a perplexed frown.

I will make note when they respond appreciatively, although not being scolded will be good enough.

Last Fall, in my Social Psychology class, I read about a study where they had people hold a pencil between their teeth while answering questions about their mood. It isn't even smiling, per se, but it uses the same muscles. They had significantly better moods than the control group.

Interesting ... I can only go my own experience though.


I'm the same way with eye contact. I refuse to force myself to do it. I won't make myself uncomfortable and behave unnaturally. When I have interacted with other autistics who also make little eye contact or smile, it is all the more meaningful when such things do occur, spontaneously.