Be Myself or Don't? I'm tired of these paradoxes

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ZeroCore
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12 Jun 2014, 8:34 am

In short; I got chewed out by my mom last night because apparently the things I talk about with others are "too weird" for conversation.

To elaborate a bit, what I will do is that, at work (with my coworkers and those who ask) I will openly discuss things that I think about to coworkers whom I've known for a long time and consider trustworthy (apparently they're not as trustworthy as I thought). As goes what I think about, I'm a computer science major at college who plans on using computer science to go about building prosthetic devices or to be part of some team that does.

I talk about that. I talk about cybernetics and robotics.

Also, recently I did wish to go see a doctor about something (which I won't get into here) and didn't have the contact info for a doctor. A person I know at work does, and the person I asked about that (since they had a doctor that might have been able to help) was one of my coworkers whom I've worked with for a long time now so I figured it was no big deal; I asked for their doctor's info, they asked why I wanted it, so I told them about it.

Also, I don't talk about this for much time every night, maybe only a minute or two (after all, this is work, I need to stay on task for this).

Apparently now that's all wrong, as now my family is chewing me out for it.

It makes no sense to me, since before I was told "be myself, whomever that is".

Repeatedly.

Now apparently that's wrong and it "violates social etiquette" and whatnot.

Honestly I'm starting not to care anymore. They say to be myself at first, well then, I'll do that.

If my coworkers are immature and judgmental enough to go gossiping about me for it behind my back at the place I work at, then that's their fault not mine. Personally, if someone tells me something I don't go gossiping about them.

Also, it seems like the only way to break/alter a social norm is through the act of openly defying it, although admittedly that's a discussion for another time.

I'm starting to wonder if this isn't so much a question of "be myself" versus "be secluded", and is more a matter of "my parents don't like the person I am and wish I was someone else". In all, I'm tired of the contradictions, tired of getting chewed out over it, and I am mad anyone at work who is spreading gossip like what goes on in a grade school hallway after class.

If I may add something; this has been going on for what feels like most of my life, not this issue exactly, but something similar to it; I get told to do one thing, then suddenly after doing that one thing they say that the first thing is wrong and to do the opposite. It's getting me even more stressed out than normal and quite honestly I don't know what to do about it.

And yes, I do know that I have a binary vision on things; I see the world, like computers, as a set of ones and zeroes. I don't do "in between".



kraftiekortie
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12 Jun 2014, 9:04 am

You will be very useful once you finish college. There will be many people needing prosthetic devices.

As long as your BOSS doesn't chew you out about discussing esoteric subjects, I wouldn't worry about it. Let people talk (it's their nature, alas!)

Are you interested in sports at all? Are your co-workers into the Lottery? If people are into the Lottery where you are, I would say that I've dreamt about such-and-such a number, and offer that number. You'll make friends fast--trust me! Sports is the great icebreaker. You don't have to delve deep, usually--just say some good crap about your favorite team.

I'm 53 years old, and I still get chewed out by my mother for being Aspie.



ZeroCore
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12 Jun 2014, 9:37 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You will be very useful once you finish college. There will be many people needing prosthetic devices.

As long as your BOSS doesn't chew you out about discussing esoteric subjects, I wouldn't worry about it. Let people talk (it's their nature, alas!)

Are you interested in sports at all? Are your co-workers into the Lottery? If people are into the Lottery where you are, I would say that I've dreamt about such-and-such a number, and offer that number. You'll make friends fast--trust me! Sports is the great icebreaker. You don't have to delve deep, usually--just say some good crap about your favorite team.

I'm 53 years old, and I still get chewed out by my mother for being Aspie.


I'm not really into sports, no. I don't watch them, I don't know about any teams, and the lottery isn't something I'm into either.



kraftiekortie
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12 Jun 2014, 9:41 am

What are you interested in, besides prosthetics and robotics?



ZeroCore
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12 Jun 2014, 10:35 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
What are you interested in, besides prosthetics and robotics?


Well, mostly computer-related things (video games and the sort). The thing is that my coworkers, for the most part, are very much older than me (so there's a generation gap) and they're not interested in the same things that I am. Also, it's not just my mom apparently who doesn't like that I talk about things that most others wouldn't talk about (my dad and my aunt both work at the same place I do, and they know about it too and don't like it. They don't yell at me for it though).



kraftiekortie
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12 Jun 2014, 10:38 am

Are you into retro video games like PacMan or DonkeyKong?



ZeroCore
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12 Jun 2014, 11:40 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Are you into retro video games like PacMan or DonkeyKong?


Not really, no.

Like I said before though; they're not really interested in much that I am, if they're interested in much of anything at all that I am interested in (my coworkers that is).

The thing is that when I said my coworkers are older than me, I meant that they're closer to your age than mine. I'm in my 20's, and like I said, they're closer to your age.



kraftiekortie
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12 Jun 2014, 6:32 pm

I understand.

I work with many people in their 20's and 30's. I don't feel a "generation gap." We get along just fine, even though I have no knowledge of today's video games.

I know what you mean, though. It's frustrating not feeling commonality with your co-workers. My feeling of commonality with my co-workers only arrived recently.

I'm only in my 50's because I was born in the 1960's. Otherwise, I really don't look or act like somebody of that age (except for the gray hair). If I would color my hair, and grow it a little bit, I would look like a college student.