I'm an idiot guys?

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I often find I can't say no to people. I often let people talk me into things at I don't want. I'm 18 and I should no better. Anyway my parents left me home alone and some Mormons visited me and asked me if they could book an appointment at my house to teach me about it. They suggested Saturday and. I said that Saturday was inconvenient to try and get them to drop it and then they ended up booking a Wednesday appointment.

My family is Athiest and my parents are going to murder me when they find out. I don't even know if this is a symptom of aspergers or not.

Help!

I think it can be. I have a hard time saying no too. Even when I know I am being taken advantage of. For instance, not too long ago a man came to the door saying that he was selling magazines. I asked what they were to benefit and he said the Ronald McDonald House. But he had no official information or documentation about what he was doing other than something he had written up himself. I told him I didn't have any cash but he said I could write a check. I asked who to make the check out to and it was something completely different than the Ronald McDonald House. So I told him to wait and went to my room and stood there for a few minutes and didn't know what to do. Eventually I lied and told him I couldn't find my checkbook. It was obviously a scam but I couldn't just say no. I had to think of a lie to get out of it.

I don't know if it's part of Asperger's but I know that I have an enormous problem with this too, I have all my life, and although I've managed to improve upon my skills with this, I have to be honest and admit that it continues to be a challenge over and over again for me with each new situation in which I'm tested regarding this.

I think of it as part of my problems with what I call my processing speed, almost like when a computer is lagging and not bringing up files or pages fast enough due to an issue. In any social interactions I find I can't think fast enough to give my true response if I get flustered or presented with something I wasn't expecting.

The only help I can suggest is to try and figure out a "script" you can learn, and say for different situations that come up. A friend suggested this for me today regarding a problem I'm having. It's like preparing a set of stock answers. It's still a challenge to "bring up that file" when you're caught by surprise though.

I relate strongly; don't be too harsh on yourself. You're not an idiot, it's just one of those difficulties during social interaction and I have it too.

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One thing that you should do is come up with an outline of your beliefs that you can share with the Mormons. I knew someone who did it that way and it got rid of them pretty quick.

I know what you mean, I don't like being confrontational so it's hard for me to disengage from these types of folks. I had the same situation with Mormons who are very nice and I try to be too but at the end that harked on hard trying to get an appointment at my house or at least get my email, I just repeated that they can give me some literature and that I might visit them at the temple some time. They gave me the actual Book of Mormon too so I guess that's nice.

Panhandlers are the worst tho, bums use to hit me up for money a lot but I've gotten a lot better at just ignoring them or telling them a firm NO.

Mention of panhandlers has just reminded me.....when I was around age 12 and 13, the other kids in my year discovered that if they came to me with a sob story about not having money for the bus home (we all took normal city buses, not a schoolbus) and did I have any change to spare? -- I would just give it to them.

I never cottoned onto the fact that they were just taking advantage of me. I freely gave away any change I had, believing I was being kind to someone who needed it. I was naive and trusting even though I had a high IQ and was intelligent -- yet in this I just didn't cotton-on to the fact that I was being kind of victimized and taken advantage of.

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I find it hard to say no if someone takes me by surprise. I seem to have gotten better at it, though, by learning to step back from a situation, and by getting angry at people who don't want to let me step back. It's good to practice saying no in the mirror while imagining situations or remembering situations.

NT people can have trouble with this too. Wilhelm Reich used to poke people as part of therapy. He would poke them with his finger until they told him to stop. That often released all kinds of repressed emotion and helped people recover from neuroses. It often took quite a while for their irritation to overcome their resistance to speaking for themselves.

Also, I am not an idiot, mostly, so neither are you, mostly.

Well if you actually want to hear what they have to say, I would suggest trying to get in contact and suggest meeting somewhere else besides your home...they'd probably understand if you said your parent's weren't ok with it and you live with them. Or if you aren't really interested at all, while it might be hard maybe just cancel the whole thing if you can. You're not an idiot though sometimes I have a hard time with stuff like that because I don't want to be mean or rude, but then it just ends up causing an even more annoying situation.

You know? You're incredibly smart just for recognizing this behavior. You can learn to correct it as life goes on. It could be aspie, but it's also human - we're all very passive at times. Just practice sticking up for yourself, you'll find saying no is a lot easier over time.

I say no to mormons on a weekly basis, I live in Salt lake city