needing a "push"

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sighhhhh... I've come at a standstill with my career, social life, and love life. I am surviving, but not improving.

Does anyone else wish they had some sort of guidance? Somebody who's there every day to encourage you.... to push you... no, not a psychologist or career adviser... I mean somebody who knows you and actually cares.

I feel this would be very helpful in my life... yet it's the one thing i haven't been able to find as of yet.

I know there are possible solutions... *force* myself to interact with people more... join special interests or other groups.... but doing that on my own seems hopeless

any thoughts?

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. As far as 'guidance'? While I sometimes wish there was someone I could really trust for supportive know-how, I've learned there is no such person/thing. That's a hard lesson, but true. Instead, you are that person!! Trust yourself. After all, no one knows you better than you.

For anything (even a lab experiment, for example), just imagine the outcome. It's motivating to identify what you want. Then just take 1 step in that direction, even write it down on a to-do note. Maybe you could telephone one person you know, asking if they want to meet for lunch or something? Or pick just one career goal.

Oftentimes I'm waaay too hard on myself - having a sense of humour helps too. Just as an observation, Aspies filter this world through dark and grim glasses - I know I do. So just try to keep your perspective too. Having a happier attitude helps your motivation overall - be good to yourself. All the best, JacobV, and consider yourself *kicked* You'll do OK.

I wonder if this is an aspect of aspieism for some aspies. I keep reading about some parents of children with Asperger's having problems getting their children to do homework and chores. If the children continue to need a push, what becomes of them as adults?

Not necessarily (maybe for some) - I am, and have always been, highly motivated. I have the ability to hyper-focus and can work intensely for hours without any stopping. Plus, as adults, Aspies often do change, understanding the value of getting their tasks done. Instead, I think the issue is of social motivation and/or morale, which is a different category.

...I guess my situation is what is to be expected as an adult... I work hard, live on my own, but have very little to show for all that work and I feel directionless. Since I lost my support network I don't know what the point of life is.... so far it seems to be 'work until you die'... there is no chance on earth i will ever have anything saved up for retirement on my salary so I took up smoking... with the little i have to look forward to in life it makes perfect sense to me.

sometimes i wonder how different things would be if I had a good support network... a parent i could talk to... a genuine friend... a GF or wife... would this return me back my balance?

I often read posts on WP reading about aspies still living with and relying on their parents... I envy them, but at the same time I also feel horrible for their future... the impending doom when their support goes away... how their lives will significantly lose quality..

I mourn for them as I have mourned for my own losses. I'm also annoyed... even angry at the complete lack of decent support from the government that rules above us... they couldn't care less about our fate.

As I said on my previous posts we need to unite... urgently... problem is that those aspies with resources tend to have resources through family/parents and feel no urgency to change the system... and for those of us who have lost those things... well... we're too busy attempting to survive to do anything else.

I am sorry that you have no one in your personal life who can help you with this. I am blessed in that I have a small but wonderful group of people who care. what I do not have is an accountability partner. Someone to be accountable to and give that push. expect me to lose that weight, change my diet, do my writing, socialize, sell my Avon, make jewelry, push me to push my kid,work out, etc.that I could also be friends with.

If you would do the same for me, I guess that I am applying for the position.

Dear JacobV,

the Idea of an aspie-uprising makes me smile, but I don't believe in it. Financial support and all aside, the one fundamental thing that drove my personal social behaviour always was to not be part of anything. And from that I'm extrapolating.
Sadly, life -the way human brains are structured- was designed as a team sport. Aspie failure to even want to take part is a critical design flaw.
Maybe less so when man was still roaming the planes in small groups, but definitely in today's world, where even non-aspies have trouble not ending up lonely and bitter.

Personnally, I have a family that never proved understanding, and am in the process of alienating myself from the few friends I managed to stay in contact with as I was growing older.
I very much understand the feeling of being able to pay your bills, book a holiday and do all those 'high-functioning' things and still wonder: what for?
A friend the other day told me to not ask that question, because there would be no answer. As if I hadn't figured that out myself.
After that we went home to our respective places, he to his girlfriend, me to my empty bed, to a new day of boring, underchallenging, underpaid 'work-till-you-die'-work

Due to the ongoing Soccer/football world championship, which everyone I know is following, but of course not me, I'll use this phrase: At best, Aspies are the goalkeepers in a team.

But I once had a girlfriend for many many years, before I went abroad for postgraduate studies, fell into depression and destroyed my relationship and (in parts) my career (what irony), and I can tell you: yes. The one person you can share your thoughts with does make a huge difference. If it is the right one. The wrong one can burn you out like a 6-month family-gathering.

So I wish you and myself good luck in the dating game. Thank god, -as hard as that one still is,- it is not a team sport.

I can relate a whole lot to what you said. My natural instinct not to be a part of anything is quite strong too.. and I think it has cost me a lot of lost opportunities and good careers. What does that mean in the long run? Quality of life.. ability to travel more and spend time doing things I personally want to do more.. also perhaps the chance to have children... I feel that has been the price paid for my social avoidance in general.

I agree with you that in earlier tribal times life was easier for aspies.. more comfort and acceptance.. but in modern times much of it is gone. I don't foresee my personality changing much... nor do I see many other aspies personalities changing much anytime soon.. and I certainly don't see the social fabric of society changing in our favor either.... the only thing left is either acceptance and isolation or... back an aspie uprising of sorts... if we cannot find happyness.. or even satisfaction in current societies.. perhaps the answer is to create an environment tailored for us... what does that mean? I'm not sure... but there are others out there who have thought about it.. there's a wiki page surrounding the concept of "Aspergia".. a fictional/prospective island-state. There is something very reassuring about an island setting.

more realistically speaking the solution will probably be found in drugs. Sooner or later one of the large pharmaceutical companies will develop a perfect drug that will makes us more sociable.. like a super-high dose of lexapro without the current side effects that come with it... something that will quiet down our differences and make us more palpable to the rest of the population... possibly more productive and convenient for them as well. It's a cold utilitarian solution with capitalist flavors... so i'm expecting this to be the outcome

....but then again you never know... no one could have predicted 30 years ago that the world would be as it is today.. we don't have hovering cars and we haven't cured cancer... but we have all of the world's information inside our homes at our fingertips or on our cell phones in our pockets.... not a whole lot of useful updated educational information... we still have to pay thousands of dollars for an accredited education but there are millions of irrelevant youtube and adult videos available for free... go figure.

there is always room for innovations... the greatest obstacle being actually getting aspies to work together on anything at all :T

hmm.

I'm wondering, what you're expecting.
Half of the world's population is female and has always been, they put their power together, but they're still not paid equally, and in large parts of the world they don't have qual rights.

Due to the aspie's neuronal abnormalities, I think medication can only help up to a certain point. We don't have the neuronal substrate to be ourselves and deal with other people at the same time.

What really needs to be done is the establishing of courses in individual stress management. That's also where medication can help the most.
And that actually is something the government could provide. Or at least pay for.
Maybe transcendental meditation would help better. Or a hug-machine.