Family tie my stomach in knots

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Living at home this summer and its just horrible. My mum was obsessing a while back about people contaminating her beauty products and this paranoia somehow afflicted me so now I keep all my items in a bag which I carry around with me. I have to keep track of everything I own and that alone is exhausting.

Then there's the fact that my parents are rare;y satisfied with anything I do or if they are anything negative I do or have done consumes that goodwill completely. Its a struggle to function and cope with an ASD and so something as simple as going to the shops and buying things for the house can be a massive thing. Every time I achieve a milestone my parents just class it as "well you should have been doing that anyway". Im expected to be normal and even though they acknowledge I have an ASD they insist that Bill Gates has Asperger's and HE'S fine, you have no excuse!

Im not perfect i'll admit. I find it really difficult to be civil with my parents. I tend to become incredibly tense and ready for fight or flight in their presence which manifests as "oh no" or "no go away". I can also be pushy as in I desperately wanted to cook for my family and I couldnt offer nicely so I went about it in an insistent but gentle way which caused issues.

The worst thing is that my younger brother can generally do no wrong.I dont resent him for this, since its just an accident of birth really. He's the more functional of the two of us so they pretty much idolise him and let him get away with anything and everything.

The other unpleasant thing is the constant threats to send me down to the homeless shelter or my obsessive dad complaining about infinitesimally small bits on the carpet. My mum was pretty physically brutal when I was a kid. She was a single parent and worked like a slave with an undiagnosed wild aspie kid so I do understand, but I grew up flinching when she raised her hand since she was quite free with blows. My mum never hits my brother mainly because his functionality has never really given her cause to

My only option is to move up to Birmingham to live with my uncle in the city or to stay with the local saint and all round industrious angel of the crimea. She's lovely but she'd keep insisting on praying with me forcing me to go to church etc. Not sure how i'd cope with that and trying to conceal all my rituals PLUS having to be consistently social. Birmingham would be difficult due to the city environment and the massive change.

No idea what to do. Help!

I've heard some good things about Birmingham- despite not having been in the UK that looks like a cool city to me. Architecturally very intriguing... You're right that urban life takes time to learn but I think you have a handle on at least most of the basics - living anywhere urban means a greater selection of food, more libraries, faster bandwidth, and more jobs. Even with HFA, cities can be a blast if you pack the right gadgets and destinations.

Perhaps you could spend time with your uncle whilst finding a nice flat?

Cheers cberg. I had a think and the best thing to do is to move in with the local angel . Best thing is she literally lives down the road so the change will be minimal. The prayer and the ever present spectre of social calls will be tough but leagues easier than the hell that is home.

I havent been very good at keeping in touch with this woman who is a family friend. How should I go about iexplaining the situation and asking her to move in? She has already offered I think but im not sure how to broach the topic.

I empathize. Good luck to you...

If I were you, I'd move in with your uncle, but I am not you, and I've kind of become more accustomed to change, so it may not be the best option. Moving in with the "angel" may not be a bad idea, and though you may have to put up a bit of a front and go through the motions of practicing a religion you don't really believe in, it's not as bad as you may think. I'm an atheist, but I've attended church services with members of my family just to be polite about it.

He is also Christian and he might insist that I work in his factory. I dont do well around heavy machinery either.I also might be able to have a cat or something. If im really lucky she might be an animal lover and so might not mind me looking after dogs in the house or something. I dream of having a dog or even a cat for that matter. It would be just beautiful to be able to be given odd jobs around the house to do and to be able to tend to dogs all day. Kind of idyllic actually heh