I think that I am always wrong.

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone else feel like this? I always think that I'm probably wrong, so I don't say anything much or take the initiative very often. I feel like I will just do it wrong and get made fun of or shouted at or told I'm stupid.

I don't know if it's a lack of self-confidence or if I am just self-aware enough to know that I am often wrong. I'm not like those people you see on The Apprentice who you can see are obviously wrong, but who are so filled with their own self importance that they budoze over everyone else.

I think that as soon as I say something someone will bring up a point and prove that what I just said was wrong.

I feel like this affects my career mostly. I don't see how I will ever progress. I guess it affects friendships too because I don't feel like people will actually want to hear what I have to say. That's why I'm here. I have a captive audience and I can say whatever I like.

You're wrong.

Those thoughts are classic social anxiety disorder. There's medication for that

Medication helps, but it's not the final answer. The problem is that we've been wrong so often that feeling is ingrained as automatic. It's not an irrational fear, but learned behavior based on past results.

I felt this way for a long time, and my instincts still tell me to feel this way. For me, and likely for you, it's a mixture of poor self esteem and a skewed memory that makes you think you've always been wrong about major things and if anyone, ANYONE, thinks something different than you do about something you're better off listening to him or her than yourself. There's no simple way to get over this except to remember you're more helpful to yourself, and everyone around you, including whoever is disagreeing with you, by saying what you think when you're right about something, or just think you are.

Making a mistake is not the worst thing a person can do. It feels like it is, but it isn't.

Your description of your feelings is very much like my own.

A problem I run into at work is that I feel so inferior that I am reluctant to push my boss to give me more challenging work even though I am bored by what I am asked to do. Many people tell me I am intelligent and quite competent. It feels good while they are praising me, but the moment they stop, I go back to feeling incompetent.

I heard a theory as to why some people may have compulsive behavior; there is a failure to register that a thing has been done and while they may remember they have done something a moment ago, they do not KNOW they have done it. For example, as I leave for work, I lock my front door. I walk to my car, but despite remembering locking the door, I don't have a feeling of knowing I have locked the door. I keep going back to check the door until I have done it enough to have some certainty that the door is locked.

What if a similar thing was going on with our ability to know our own competence? We might see the positive results of our own work and yet something in the mind does not register that our actions have resulted in a positive outcome.

Maybe related and maybe not; I sometimes look at the things I have done in the past and while they might have been good then, I keep thinking "but what have I done lately?" Maybe I'm just a praise junkie. After a while the old amount of praise isn't enough and I need more and more to feed the monkey.

I'm 49 years old and you'd think I'd have grown out of this by now. If anything it may be getting worse. I find I need to always be doing something that I can feel is some kind of accomplishment in order not to sink back into the quicksand of my own self loathing. If I'm not constantly dragging myself forward, I feel like I am sinking back faster and faster.

I don't have an answer. The only thing that helps me (and it doesn't help as much as I'd like) is to keep pushing myself to be better at things that have personal significance for me. I'm a photographer and I keep pushing to be better at my craft. It doesn't matter if no one else ever sees my photographs. What matters is that I see that I am making progress toward a goal I care about. Maybe I'm the only one who cares about this goal, but if I am moving in the direction I want to move in, then some of the other issues don't bother me so much.

I often feel at my most self confident when I am alone and don't have to answer to anyone. It's when I have to interact with another person that all my confidence falls away. I guess what helps me is to challenge myself in areas where I don't have to compare myself to others. I sometimes go biking, but I have no interest in what other bikers do. I just compare myself to my previous efforts. As I improve upon myself, I gain a certain confidence in that. If I compared myself to other bikers, I'd be found wanting, so I ignore them and only compare myself to me.

I don't know that this helps you. It's certainly not a perfect solution for me because the moment I compare myslef to others, I quickly lose any sense of accomplishment. But while I keep to myself and compete only with myself, i have some modicum of self confidence. Some of that confidence bleeds over into the other parts of my life. Not as much as I'd like, but some.

i used to think i was always wrong, and when i found out that i was right that i was always wrong, it proved to me that i was wrong to think i was never right, and so even my belief that i was always wrong was wrong.

I ask myself questions these questions, where is the balance between self doubt validated by past experiences and self awareness in the moment to do the right thing? Has your perception been influenced by an imbalance of concrete experiences, or an imbalance of how you perceive these experiences, or both?
I will be certain that I am right before I make any suggestion, if others don't agree, I am open to incorporating different perspectives to enhance my idea, I'll take partial correctness happily.
If I am unsure I weigh up difficult decisions based on morals and ethics, If I make the wrong decision, I protect my self esteem by knowing that at least I tried to make an ethical decision and not cause harm to others.
I don't view being told I was wrong as a negative, I see it as an opportunity as each time it happens I will learn something new, be it miniscule or profound, both are personal progress. I hope you do not have someone in your life telling you that you are stupid.

Yes but the chemical cocktail that triggers and does the feedback loop rollercoaster of said thoughts plays a huge part in them. My sister used to be like this plus have lots of panic attacks. She could not even drive out because she would think she was making mistakes, that others would think bad of her, etc.

2 months after being on the meds she was driving on her own and all those issues were simply gone. She still felt the doubt and nervousness in the back of her mind but it wasn't overwhelming her. She could take control of her life.

It may sound silly but we celebrated her getting her driver's license more than we did when she graduated from school

For me it's not so much about me being wrong as it is knowing others likely feel differently. Arguing with people tends to be useless. They won't change their opinion. So if you're opinion is in the minority you're fighting a losing battle. And truthfully I don't like fighting regardless. If I did prove them wrong they'd resent me for it. So it's a lose-lose situation. Just wish people would try to see my perspective.

I know I am ASD and I always assume my ideas of what is socially acceptable are wrong even though it turns out I was right whenever I check with my therapist. I believe the self awareness of being ASD puts one at a disadvantage because you are willing to believe anyone who has a better social standing is right, especially by family members who keep telling you everything you do is wrong. I know several people who have some warped ideas about what is socially acceptable and their behavior is as such as well. But I have foolishly at times "taken" their word for it because of my own insecurity and self doubt about my own social compass.

I know I am ASD; as such, everything about me that is authentically and actually ME is wrong.

If I like a piece of clothing, I should not wear it. If I find a piece of clothing stuffy, uncomfortable, pretentious, excessively revealing, or otherwise distasteful, I should ask a normal person if it is appropriate for the situation.

If I have a thought, I should suppress it. If I wish to voice it, I should wait for someone else to voice it and then, privately, tell them that I agree.

If I have an interest, I should suppress it. If I wish to indulge it, I may agree with discussions others have about the topic.

If I have an emotion, I should keep it to myself.

I should display only mild happiness and general neutrality; I should wear this emotion at all times unless I am given a gift or having sexual intercourse. At these times, I should be very enthusiastic.

These are pretty much the rules for existence that I feel I need to stick to. I am ASD. I am broken, disfigured, and must be effaced as totally as possible. I am ASD. My very personality is a disease.

Yet my husband says the depression and anxiety have nothing to do with Asperger's.

^^This, basically.