I feel i'm in a world that just isn't for me.

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Hey
I don't usually post on WrongPlanet, mainly because I don't like posting personal stuff online and because it makes me feel too in with the Aspie crowd... if you get what I mean. But I thought i'd just write how i'm feeling and maybe someone can offer some advice or relate.

I'm in my late teens and have Aspergers. I stay indoors pretty much all the time except when I go out with my mum. My problem is just that i'm not interested in anything. Everything seems so dull. Sometimes I get interested in things(special interests, I guess) but that goes away after a while. I have no idea what to do in life. Myself and other people keep coming up with things I could do(part time course, musical instrument, horse-riding, going away for a bit, writing, the list goes on) but nothing inspires any excitement in me. It's like i'm incapable of that feeling, to feel interest and motivation. I almost don't understand how people can. I'm usually fine but some days I get really down. Today is one of those days. I'm just really stuck in a rut and it's hard because I know obviously only I can get myself out of it. I just feel very empty and devoid of life. I'm quite cynical I suppose and was depressed when I was younger, I get random feelings of existential dread, I guess i'm rather intelligent, I really see through all the BS, and the things usual teenagers like I despise. I can't stand TV, I don't want to go clubbing, I don't like celebrities and popular bands and i'm quite anti-everything to be honest. Sometimes I feel like I dislike everything. I just feel like i'm in a world that isn't for me, like i'm supposed to be somewhere else. It annoys me how people are so blind, how they watch TV, BS each other, and have no free thinking capabilities. I understand it's their life and I often feel theyre kind of lucky to not see and think how I do. I don't have any friends, i'm very selective about that because I just dont have the social energy and BSing abilities to spend time with people I don't care about. I also like to be alone.

I guess I sound quite fussy and pessimistic , but I really would like to find a niche that inspires some reaction and life within me. I just feel stuck in a rut right now and really want more going on. I think this kind of thing is common with people in Aspergers. I just really dont like feeling so devoid of anything so often, nothing stirs up a reaction. Sometimes I think I should do some kind of drug, just to inject some zest into me XD But i'm not going to do that Help appreciated, or even just a message saying you have or do feel similarly, and apologies for the depressive rant

Well, I don't actually think the world has much to offer. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the belief that if I do I will be sent back in an even worse condition (reincarnation.) For me it's about survival. I use to be quite moral, but this is not a moral world. People try to tell you it is, that humanity is good and worth valuing, but I think it's a lot of hokum. I am sorry not to be able to offer something more positive, but it just isn't there. This is a world of demons.

Hello.

Are you currently in school? If you aren't, then were there any subjects that fascinated you and made you want to learn more? Maybe you could delve into books and topics that interest you.

Do you like nature? Maybe you could walk around in a park/block/neighborhood or go hiking. There are a lot of outdoor activities, and sometimes you just have to be persistent and patient in order to figure out what you enjoy doing.

sometimes people stumble onto that which is rewarding. give yourself some time, you are young yet and there is bound to be something in this big world that catches your fancy.

Beau: No, i'm not currently in school. I didn't enjoy school or college(I left) but I did used to enjoy reading and writing. I sometimes read about spirituality and philosophy but i'm no longer any good at writing. I do indeed like nature! I like going walks in the woods, but unfortunately I don't live near any and don't have a car to get there.

auntblabby: Yeah I hope you're right about that and I would like it if it comes along soon! I really need something enjoyable to do.

Ann2011: Sometimes I wish I could just stop being moral and be like many others but I don't think I can. I think it'd be too painful for me to suppress how I naturally am and see myself turn into the kind of person I dislike, though I don't doubt things would be easier.

I don't yet know how to do that boxy quote thingy, hence why i've replied in this weird way Thanks for replying!

Beau: No, i'm not currently in school. I didn't enjoy school or college(I left) but I did used to enjoy reading and writing. I sometimes read about spirituality and philosophy but i'm no longer any good at writing. I do indeed like nature! I like going walks in the woods, but unfortunately I don't live near any and don't have a car to get there.

auntblabby: Yeah I hope you're right about that and I would like it if it comes along soon! I really need something enjoyable to do.

Ann2011: Sometimes I wish I could just stop being moral and be like many others but I don't think I can. I think it'd be too painful for me to suppress how I naturally am and see myself turn into the kind of person I dislike, though I don't doubt things would be easier.

I don't yet know how to do that boxy quote thingy, hence why i've replied in this weird way Thanks for replying!

Beau: No, i'm not currently in school. I didn't enjoy school or college(I left) but I did used to enjoy reading and writing. I sometimes read about spirituality and philosophy but i'm no longer any good at writing. I do indeed like nature! I like going walks in the woods, but unfortunately I don't live near any and don't have a car to get there.

auntblabby: Yeah I hope you're right about that and I would like it if it comes along soon! I really need something enjoyable to do.

Ann2011: Sometimes I wish I could just stop being moral and be like many others but I don't think I can. I think it'd be too painful for me to suppress how I naturally am and see myself turn into the kind of person I dislike, though I don't doubt things would be easier.

I don't yet know how to do that boxy quote thingy, hence why i've replied in this weird way Thanks for replying!

When I was your age I wanted to do nothing and that was what I did. Now I regret that. You should either find a career you enjoy or become more tolerent of careers you don't enjoy (what most people do) or else in five or six years you might get aquainted with a wonderful new thing called the quarter life crisis.

If you are/were depressed then maybe a shrink could help you with motivation.

If you want to find a career that's better doing nothing you should buy a book called Now What by Nicholas Lore.
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0743266307?pc_re ... ot_redir=1

I hear it's really good. I bought it though I haven't read it yet because I'm not motivated enough.

If you want to know how to insert quotes read this;
www.wrongplanet.net/forums-faq-bbcode.html

There must be something that you like to do, no? Something that you like to learn about and to put your time in it. Perhaps you think that there's nothing that you enjoy because the things that you like are not at your reach somehow (don't know if this makes too much sense), but there must be something.

Thanks to everyone who replied! I think I have a better idea of what i'd like to do, though perhaps this idea will change with time. I am taking a few steps to make my life move more, but I guess it's going to take time and for now i'll just have to fill my time with smaller things till I can start the bigger stuff.

Also, I was pretty fed up when I wrote the post, so I guess at the time stuff seemed worse.

a daunting task can be achieved with small, constant steps.

I found it very useful to plan out, week by week what I would try to achieve towards my main goal and did it.

Finding what you'd like to do isn't easy... but the journey is the experience not the destination so... get creative, get out there, enjoy the ride. When you find what you're looking for it will be worth it

If you haven't seen it, check out an old movie called "What About Bob?" It's silly, but I often think of it when I'm down.