done just done could really use a hug.

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I can't take it. I don't want to find a job i don't want to get out, but I can't stand still. so stresfull and feels like its all pilling on me. I see no future with getting a job and no future without one. tired of being told i should feel bad about my body. Yes my muscles are out of shape, but my in shape friend has a belly too and hes very much in shape, goes to gym's works out, lifts eights. I've already been told that i won't lose my belly entirely for a while i had lost eight, lost pants size and still had my belly. I really don't care myself but everyone s saying i should make sme feel like s**t. Not even half the size of a real obese person. I'm just a little above average, o few extra pounds whatever dating sites call it. the not thin. I have a natural pear shaped body <.< not everyone's body was made to be thin. some like some people are tal and some short, some have bigger rib cages, some have smaller. I can't take all this pressure from job and love. I wanna quit voc rehab, they already spent money on me, and I know i need to continue, but I don't see the point. Wish I could just take some pill that kills all emotions. no love, hate, empathy, kindness, compassion. just nothing. :'(

I'm such a horrible crappy s**t worthless person.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNcfn6HmNqg#t=166[/youtube]
don't even know what they are singing but the backround music.
relate more to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk&feature=kp
wish I could win some money and go hide in the mountains.

I am with you there. My only happy times were as a child at home. But sadly you don't have much choice. I'm 45 and spent most of my life in minimum wage jobs. I have a marketing degree and am a qualified teacher, but both of those jobs require social skills - I wasn't diagnosed til recently. I could nt do the jobs I was trained for, and my biggest regret is that I did not find a job suited to my skills. (Well actually I did, but that went nowhere - long story). So the horrible truth is you have to find a job because without it life is even worse.


I agree. Love is nice but is very hard work, does not last, and usually leads to being trapped for years. Hate leads to misery. Empathy is misleading and leads to great unhappiness when things inevitably go wrong. Kindness is problematic for complex reasons (self deception, manipulation, and soothes the conscience so people do not fix underlying problems).

Compassion is the worst, for me: it's what makes me miserable. I care deeply but the world does not. That is, everyone SAYS they care, but look how they spend their time and money, it's really about self and short term pleasure. I spent most of my life finding solutions to world problems (due to my over-active compassion) only to find that people simply will not put in the time needed to even try to understand. I am not talking about my web sites in particular: people simply d not put in the hour a day needed to understand the topics that matter, so their compassion is shallow.


I disagree. It sounds like you are a rational person in a horrible crappy sh** worthless society.

<hugs> Hope you find what makes you happy.

I think you should just take a break from everything, and distract yourself for a bit until you feel better. Things may not be so bad, but its depressing if you keep thinking about it and worrying.

I like being social, I crave it. I tend to be more happy around others. Working as a cashier has got me more confident and less shy.
I get SSI until it goes broke. I don't have to work. All the ssi goes to bills so no doing stuff, I enjoy the social aspect of work even if it comes with anxiety. I got a degree in automotive but the work isn't for me.

love and empathy is good I think I just can't be loved it seems. life is full of hyproctic, those who say on dating sites that they are "open minded" seem to often be the most close minded. How you can say i'm "open minded", open to anything, open to any guys. then list a list of requirements i don't understand. If one was open minded there would be no list. I don't have such list.



hugs, thanks MjrMajorMajor, sadly what i need is a real hug, haven't had one in over a year.

Vomelche, I can't take a break. I been on a break since June 2013. Sitting in my room doing nothing is too depressioning, so I just started voc rehab to find work. I don't see it or anything fixing it though. Even if i get a job, it won't be good enough for the women here, i won't really make money. So i am super sad and frustrated. I want a job for money and to be worthy for women, yet i don't feel any job I get will be good enough.

I owe 20k, have a seasonal little above min wage job, ok car, rent a house with my family, a degree in a field i can't work. and one friend. I don't see anything good.

all the people from voc rehab are like look at all the good things he has going for him. I don't get it, they don't get it. Its like they live in this make believe world

I've been told by too many women about how crappy I am to believe anything else or to see anything I accomplish as good enough.

*hugs*

I think that you are a much better person than you realize or give yourself credit for, so you have to stop beating yourself up over your self-image. Based on the content of many of your posts, I think that you are much more intelligent and capable than you let on. I understand full well your frustration over your employment/dating situation because as I mentioned previously, I was in very much the same place 4 years ago. You will eventually find something, as long as you keep trying and working towards what you want. Remaining optimistic can help, although I know how hard that can be after a while. Failure is only truly defined when you stop trying completely.

I'd be more than happy to try and help more with job ideas for you if you want. I don't know how much I can help, but I've played the job search game quite a lot so I know a lot of the tricks of the trade.

If it sucks not to have a job, and it sucks to have a job, I'd go for the job. At least, with a job, one could get out of whatever sucks.

I'm not a huggy guy--but a supportive High Five to you.

One has to get out of one's mire on one's own (for the most part).

I think the same way about dating. But this is why I don't bother with traditional dating services, this is the reason why all those people that dominate those places are single (they are actually closed minded, but use the term because its cliché).

I guess you should get a job then and that will be your break from not having a job, and distract you from worries. I think that many women just prefer a guy who has a job, and is not lazy, it doesn't matter how much money he makes. I don't like people that favor money over people anyways. Ambition is ok with me, greediness is not.

[[[HUGS]]]

((((((((hugs))))))))

hugs and fake smile to both of you.
thanks.

Fake smile? OMG, I hope I didn't break your ribs when I hugged you! [it was a big one]

over the course of serveral years, I trained my self not to show happiness ie not to smile. as a result doing fake smiles isn't that hard either. I don't let myself smile or feel happy. If i become happy then the resulting sadness that must come will only be worst. not to mention I'm not deserving of being happy.

Still there are some moments when I am overcome with such happiness I will do a true smile for a few seconds until I tell myself to stop.

theres 3 women messaging me now. and atleast one broke through my wall and i got happy

anyone want to IM?
could really be nice to have someone to talk to.

having bad thoughts bad thoughts :s