My husband joined Tinder

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We've been together for 4 years. 2 days into our relationship he got drunk and made out with someone. He didn't tell me for weeks, but he decided to.

I visited him for the first time 5 months later. I lost my virginity. A few months after, I got a bad feeling. He wanted to break up with me because he wanted to play computer games instead of 5 along to me. He insisted I was paranoid and crazy for thinking he was cheating. I visited him again in December. Thus one female fb friend of his called him crying in the middle of the night because we were engaged. He insisted nothing was wrong and wasn't cheating.

I moved to California from PA 6 months later. I was using his phone and made a draft. I went into the drafts to send it and I found out he asked this girl who he insisted he wasn't cheating with to have sex with him. He lied and let me move there knowing I couldn't leave and go back to my abuser once I left. He yelled at ME for being mad and never let me scold him. He claims they never had sex.

A year later, he had a message from a number with no contact information. It said how are you. He didn't have friends that weren't in his phone. He claimed he didn't know who it was.

3 years later, we got new phones (June). He put a PW on his phone, but I don't mind. He let me use his phone to play a game. He fell asleep. I thought I would be funny and have a 5 extra conversation with myself with both of our phones. Saw in plain sight he had a Tinder account. We talked about it, and he claimed he was just bored and his coworker told him about it.

That was last week. I had to sign into his e-mail because of covered ca. It's a long story, but I needed it because our account is locked. Anyways, saw in plain sight he had a FB account. He claimed he was forced to make one for Tinder. Someone tagged a photo of him. It was shirtless. I demanded I see his FB account. He proceeds to log in and doesn't let me look at it. He has me view it while he's holding his phone and doesn't let me look at messages. He claims there are none. Calls me crazy because I'm yelling.

I can't leave him because I depend on his income. I married him and he received a green card. It wasn't a shame marriage though. We were in a real relationship. He says he hates me recently and he no longer feels and love. He gets mad when I don't have sex with him and withdraws affection. His family hates me and thinks I'm lazy and controlling even though they are very abusive. My own family is abusive. I'm just starting college soon. I wanted to better myself. Ive been having meltdowns because of my whole life and certain problems.

Now I just want to die. I don't know what to say. I want to hit my husband over and over. Everyone acts like I'm the problem, yet all I've endured is abuse and pain. People say I'm annoying. I feel worthless now. I feel like I deserve this.

no one deserves this.

Intellectually I know this, yet my mind keeps stringing together my whole crappy life and concluding I just suck and deserve it. I'm trying so hard to remind myself that it's not my fault, but it's not working. I think I'm broken. I don't know how to fix broken...

Bleh, i don?t have any sound advice, I?m in a different yet similar situation. I think your plan for college is a good one; it could build towards long term independence.
No, you don?t deserve this, his actions lack depth, yours were genuine. Someone else?s crappy actions/words should not be a measure/reflection of your worth either, but coming from your husband it cant but effect your self esteem, I understand that.

We have separated tonight. We had a talk. I did cry, but I think I'm just numb. We have decided to support each other, if possible, while I go to school. He will mainly be the one supporting since he has the income.

I have realized I do have friends who care and also my dog loves me and I love him. My self esteem is shot, though. I feel as if I will be alone even though I know there are people who care. Depression does this, I suppose.

I just hope I don't have meltdowns. I have prepared for college for over a year mentally. Some things have gone wrong already (like my accommodation), and now my financial aid might be messed up. It was kind of just like a shocker, because I was not prepared for this. I think I'm just in literal shock. I told him he should have told me he wanted to separate months ago so I would have time to adjust. Too late now, I suppose.

I'm sorry you're in a similar situation. It truly can feel hopeless, especially if you cannot escape. I thank you for your words and I hope you are able to receive support. If I ever become wealthy, I would like to help others in similar situations. There is just so much suffering, and some of us are stuck. I just want to be loved and happy. I just want stability and routine. I plan on going to a psychologist when I finally get my insurance on August 1st. I hope you are able to see someone, too. I know what it's like to not be able to see one.

Wow, that is tough. Natural numbness is good, especially now. I am glad that you have friends in your life and a little companion too.
You do have a lot to deal with and that will make the thoughts of college harder, but I hope you can overcome the accommodation and funding challenges, because it really could be worth it, not just to help you with the process of separation, but long term. I think education can change a persons situation in life and it might be a welcome distraction.
Your wants are very reasonable, I think they are regular needs and obtainable in different ways, when your grief eases you can focus on making them a priority. Its good that getting insurance means you can access help, that is progress and something positive.
Take care of yourself

Hey 12345,

Maybe it's for the best that you separated. It does seem as if he can't keep a commitment. What's happened with your financial aid?

I certainly hope that you continue to strive for higher things. I hope you start college in the fall.

I don't think it's a good idea for you to continue living with him or receive support from him. It is possible for you to be independent. I understand the situation you're in, but don't forget that you can ask your financial aid office to increase your loan amount, such that it covers your rent accommodations and other needs. Also, you may even qualify for federal and state grants depending on your adjusted income. You made a great decision to further your education, and remember, your ability to attend college isn't dependent on him or his income. Hope that makes sense.

I never want to become financially dependent on a man.