deep depression right now

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i think i am about to break up with my boyfriend bc i am not happy. i don't think i will be happy without him either bc the one person who makes me happy never wants to date anybody period. i am miserable tonight. and just getting the more miserable as the night goes on. i can't study even though i have an exam tomorrow. i feel sick to my stomach. i'm just sitting here waiting for my boyfriend to get back from class so that we can talk. i told him earlier today that i am not happy and i told him y (bc he doesn't understand me, nor does he like what i like or share my excitement, we don't communicate well, and seems like we talk in different languages). he said he wanted to think about everything before saying anything. but now i can't do anything at all until i know what he is going to say. i'm heartbroken and sad

Oh, honey, I feel so bad for you!! ! My advice would be to have a cup of tea, go to bed early, take the phone off the hook, and try to get some sleep. Things might seem better (or you might be better able to tolerate them) in the morning. You're too upset to be trying to deal with that at present

I have been there....and it is truly a miserable place to be.It is one of the many draw backs to relationships.There really is no easy way to get through this.I have read your related threads,so I have some idea about what you are going through.I can imagine the miserable circular thoughts that are preventing you from concintrating on your exam.Is it possible that you can put the test off for one day?You really dont need the added pressure of this,while dealing with the relationship issues.I was so lucky in school to have understanding teachers(mostly psych,women studies and english,so they tend to be more empathetic).
I think trying to deal with both things is causing some of your over-load?

How did you originally get involved with your current boyfriend?Was it a situation that you just seemed to "fall into" because he was interested and you were lonely....or,some one you thought you liked but got to know better and eventually realized you had nothing in common?Have you tried writing your thoughts down?Sometimes that helps me organize my feelings/thoughts.

I know for me,once I have stopped having that "loving feeling",nothing can fix it.I may miss the person and try and get back together,but my original issues always come back to haunt us....it never works.

I wish you luck....no easy fixs....but I do try and remember that......"This to shall pass"....it always does.

>>Oh, honey, I feel so bad for you!! ! My advice would be to have a cup of tea, go to bed early, take the phone off the hook, and try to get some sleep<<

She has an exam tomorrow, bad idea.

Excuse, me, I'm a little confused here. You have only known this guy since when? Last fall? If so, I have to say something that's going to sound very harsh. Sorry, but I'm worried about you from what I'm hearing.

You cannot truly know a person well in only six months, unless you are both under some really extreme circumstances (like stuck together on a desert island alone with them). Even if you've grown up with them in the same neighborhood, sometimes they're not who you think they are, but you've a better chance with things if you have done so.

Given that all, I really REALLY ~REALLY~ have to say to you that I firmly believe that someone can't truly love someone else after knowing them for only six months. You can be infatuated with them. You can be in serious lust with them. You may like them a whole bunch. You may think they are the best thing that's ever happened to you. But you are not being truthful if you tell yourself you "love" them if you've only known them a short time, because you can't really know who they are in that short of a time. You "love" the person you think you see in them. You haven't had the time to see how they react, to observe them under stress, to interact in a wide variety of situations with them.

What happens, from what I've observed over the years, is that people rush into marriage because they "click" in a short-term way. They enjoy each other's company. The sex is great. Everything just seems sparkly when they're together. They have "so much in common."

And in about 2.5 to 3 years it wears off and they end up looking at each other like "who the hell are you and why the hell are we married." Sometimes it's all the way to "I hate you. You lied to me. You've ruined my life." Granted, once in a blue moon it'll work. But my observations are that it's rare.

Sometimes the people will stay married because there are then children involved (they have a way of popping out whether you plan them or not). That is a miserable environment for all concerned. There's also an awful lot of single parents out there these days who didn't plan to be single parents. That's a rough life to live, for both the single parent and the kid (s).

By all means explore your relationship with your boyfriend. But if it's love, it'll be love in three years. Wait. At least wait a full year. If it's not really what you think it is, you could be in for a lot of misery if you jump into things too quickly. Do not take any steps that do not feel 100% right and comfortable.

If he won't wait, you have an instant answer to what he really feels.

Good luck, hon.

No problem. Tangents are good.

But the girl isn't talking about marriage to Mother Theresa, is she.

I think part of the semantics problem here IS semantics. Unfortunately, English seems to have only one generic term - "Love" in current use. All we have is, on the seemingly more rare occasions when people bother to make the effort at clarity, another word thrown in front of it to try to narrow things down a bit. (Brotherly love, courtly love, neighborly love, romantic love, instinctive love, Godly love, patriotic love, familial love, etc.) You might hear "love your country" in the same conversation as "love Chinese food" and "loved all night long" and "love my dog" and "love my child".... "Love" can mean anything from a vague positive feeling to obsessive, blind acceptance to downright blinding lust (and all sorts of variations in between).


Given all that, the poor girl is feeling strung out and doesn't know what she feels. She appears to have significant doubts about the relationship, which, to me, is one of those nuclear whoop-whoop-whoop-redalertredalertredalert signs that no major action (i.e., marriage) should be undertaken until it's all sorted out and she has no qualms about it at all.

Sometimes, I think that a relationship is destined to crumble the minute marriage comes into the equation, lol. I don't think I would ever want to marry, personally... it seems to instantly mean, loss of independence...it is as if, once that piece of paper is there and the girl is gotten, or the man is gotten, there is a license to stop working on it.