Ok there seems to be a miss communication. My company sells software and require very specific "in house knowledge" that can't be found on Google. The point is I have forgotten those details time and again, making quite a few gaffs aong the way. THe point is: i feel despressed and fearful for my livelyhood because I have made such mistakes. I have always been living with this onstant sense of dread. They haven't fired me yet because they promised me a year and then they would decide to keep me on. The only reason I have been making such mistakes is because it has been so busy I have been getting bombarded with details which has been stressful even on my boss, who is very competent.
THe irony is someone who started maybe 1 to 2 months later than me is getting canned. I know because they have talked about it openly when I was in the office.
As usual I fear for my job and my ability to live indepedntly. I really don't want to lose this job because the pay is very good, the work is relatively less stressful,they pay for my health insurance and they contribut to my 401K! 