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Edna3362
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05 Sep 2014, 11:13 am

How do you console an NT? I want answers in both terms by phone, verbal, and physical. (I'm bad with phones, I barely talked, and I don't like being touched)
If one asks how close am'I to the said NT: let's just say just closer than acquaintance, and is my own dad whom I never met personally in about 13 years because he was at abroad working and never went back home. Well, he's going back home here at my country somewhere after 1-3 months.

He used to be the breadwinner of the family, now he can't do anything about the current situation because he lost his long time job; which causes a lot of change... He's still in denial that I'm an aspie and thinks 'nothing is wrong with me' because he never seen me in real for so long. My mom and him fought more since she bought the news or bringing up the topic of my diagnosis.
I can overhear him cry over the phone and barely understand words. (my ears are THAT sensitive... but not that enough) Quite reminds me every time he calls every week I end up missing it out. It's been over 3 months since I last talked to him over the phone.
BOTH my grandparents (his parents) are hospitalized, piled with medical bills, and possibly dying.
His siblings are fighting over money. And barely trusts my mom and my sister. *I* BARELY done a thing at all. As in... almost NOTHING but sitting here, going back and forth from school. (And if one asks, I'm not getting any jobs yet until 2nd semester) And never talked about this.

Or maybe I should stay out, watch him suffer along with the rest of my family? Despite being affected at this situation because of change in household...

I do care, I just don't know how to 'support'.


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auntblabby
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05 Sep 2014, 1:50 pm

if he calls you, just be there and listen to what he has to say, and rephrase and repeat bits of it here and there to let him know he has been heard. that is the big part of it. the rest is details.



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05 Sep 2014, 2:08 pm

You don't, really.
You just sympathize with their grief/loss/disappointment and try to communicate that you care enough about them that when they're sad, you're sad for their discontent(?) too because their well-being is important to you because they are important.

Talk very little, don't analyze anything, make sympathetic noises kind of in the background as they say things important (important to them);
uh-huh
yeah
grrr
I can't believe...
oh no
good god
wow
geez
seriously!?
are you kidding me
that would drive me nutz
(or other appropriate emotion here)
etc...
Try to add some real feeling to it.
Intensifiers can help too such as putting, "oh-" in front of almost any commiseration noise/word.
Almost any "profanity" as intensifiers can easily be appropriate to show strength of co-emotion. (it is not 'swearing' when used as sentence intensifiers)


This may be crap advice but it's the best I got atm.
Good Luck


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kraftiekortie
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05 Sep 2014, 2:20 pm

If your father needs consoling, listen to what he has to say.

He might not want you to know that he has problems--don't let him know that you know he has problems, until he tells YOU that he has problems.

If he tells you he has problems, just listen. If he asks for advice, use your knowledge, and gently offer the advice. If he doesn't believe in your advice, don't get upset.

All in all, Just talk about anything he wants to talk about. Try not to get too mad at him if he irritates you. Be strong.



Evil_Chuck
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06 Sep 2014, 1:01 am

Most NT's who are going through a hard time want someone to listen to them. Which isn't so bad for us I guess. Maybe we can't relate to them like a normal person would, but at least we're good listeners.

As for how to actively support someone, I'm afraid your guess is as good as mine. I can barely support myself.


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