Girl, Interrupted

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Joined: 19 Aug 2006
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26 Jan 2007, 4:13 pm

I watched Girl, Interrupted on my computer just now. It made me feel rather depressed at the end. It reminded me of how I felt when I left hospital after staying there for four months.

Bad thing is, is that I feel like going back.

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Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 4:20 pm

I feel I can relate to what you're feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to harm myself, and that I need to go back to the hospital.

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 4:24 pm

Starbuline wrote:

I feel I can relate to what you're feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to harm myself, and that I need to go back to the hospital.

But what I meant was that I want to go back because I miss the hospital. Yes, I miss being treated like sh*t, being restrained.

I miss the LACK of control.

I feel like a masochist.

Oh dear.

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Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 4:27 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:

Starbuline wrote:

I feel I can relate to what you're feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to harm myself, and that I need to go back to the hospital.

But what I meant was that I want to go back because I miss the hospital. Yes, I miss being treated like sh*t, being restrained.

I miss the LACK of control.

I feel like a masochist.

Oh dear.

I sometimes miss it. I liked the attention, even when it was negative (suicide watch).

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 4:38 pm

Starbuline wrote:

I sometimes miss it. I liked the attention, even when it was negative (suicide watch).

That is what I'm feeling - you understand me.

Every day that stupid memory of being transported to the PICU in an ambulance and attempting to escape, winding the guy in the back of the ambulance in the process. Didn't get out, but spent the rest of the journey wanting to sleep with the guy. Warning - my mind is not right.

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Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 4:41 pm

I developed a 'crush' on one of the guy nurses there. I'm sick, he was 38.

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 4:46 pm

Starbuline wrote:

I developed a 'crush' on one of the guy nurses there. I'm sick, he was 38.

We're both like that, aren't we? I wrote about wanting to seduce one of the nurses in my diary. Only problem that diary was online and public. And there's worse stuff too.

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Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 4:50 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:

Starbuline wrote:

I developed a 'crush' on one of the guy nurses there. I'm sick, he was 38.

We're both like that, aren't we? I wrote about wanting to seduce one of the nurses in my diary. Only problem that diary was online and public. And there's worse stuff too.

When I was there I tried cutting my wrists with a piece of plastic because this girl there was threatening to beat me up.

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 4:55 pm

Starbuline wrote:

When I was there I tried cutting my wrists with a piece of plastic because this girl there was threatening to beat me up.

That girl had a problem. She was the one who should have been beaten up. I was found with torture fiction in my room. Ehehe it was cool stuff, but I was caught, which was the bad thing. A nurse found it, confiscated it, and told me that she would give it to my doctor. My doctor saw me the next day (I was under 1:1 obs then) and I well, went for her. Then I got put on 2:1 for the rest of the day (after being "treated"). Then I was carted off to the PICU.

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Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 5:05 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:

Starbuline wrote:

When I was there I tried cutting my wrists with a piece of plastic because this girl there was threatening to beat me up.

I never got restrained, but I witnessed them.

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 5:10 pm

Starbuline wrote:

I never got restrained, but I witnessed them.

What did you feel?

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Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 5:17 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:

Starbuline wrote:

I never got restrained, but I witnessed them.

What did you feel?

It was frightening. The girls were screaming and trying to get away and all that. A buddy I made there got out of the restraints twice.

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 5:28 pm

Starbuline wrote:

It was frightening. The girls were screaming and trying to get away and all that. A buddy I made there got out of the restraints twice.

There was a boy at cub scouts (I volunteer there) and he was hurt by another boy. He started freaking out and screaming his head off and the adults there had to physically hold him back. Brought back all the memories, so I left. I hope they won't be too pissed off with me next week.

Now you had mechanical (i.e. straps) restraints didn't you. I had brute force. Humans seem to be easier to get out of. I managed to get as far as the corridor, but that's it. There was a restraint room with an alarm and a matress, but there was no such thing as mechanical straps. Usually only two or three nurses were needed. After the time I attempted to strangle a doctor, there was one on each limb, one on my mid-body and the sixth nurse was doing all the medication. And the doctor was there. So basically seven to one. Whoohoo. Normally I could just slip my arms out of the nurse's hold very quickly and push myself up violently (I have quick reflexes), but I tried it then and it simply resulted in my blood supply being cut off. 6 hours it was. I think I was wavering on the conscious-unconscious border by the end.

Still somehow I want to feel that again.

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Warren
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26 Jan 2007, 5:29 pm

Niether of you are sick.

You both need attention at times. We all do.

I wish i was back in hospital too.

And i have to admit i liked some of the nurses too (well female ones anyway).

I still see one of them as she comes to the support group once a week to see how Navy therapy works

Starbuline
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26 Jan 2007, 5:35 pm

I feel safe at the hospital.
SteelMaiden-Yeah they were straps, and handcuffs. Sometimes someone needed to be tranquilized.

SteelMaiden
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26 Jan 2007, 5:38 pm

Thanks Warren dude. I'm currently replying to your letter, but I've been extremely busy recently.

I shall PM you right now Warren. I feel paranoid that I will be "found out" again.

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I am a partially verbal classic autistic. I am a pharmacology student with full time support.

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