Letting Go of Anger

Post Reply New Topic

So, I had a group session where we learned about forgiveness. The central quote for the session was, "I will no longer allow you to rent space for free in my brain." Forgiveness I was told, was about letting go of the anger I hold towards another person, not reconciling with them, and not forgetting what has happened. I think I still have a lot of spare anger towards a girl I used to be friends with, and I use it as an excuse to keep harassing her, but I am not sure I am quite ready to let it go yet.

What I mean is that I am not sure I am ready to be friends with people again. I just called a friend, and had a pleasant conversation with her, and invited her to a couple upcoming concerts. I also share what I have been going though in terms of my hospitalization and issues. I am making progress with being a friend. I am just unsure about being able to take the full emotional consequences of a romantic relationship or a close friendship.

Back to the girl I am contacting despite warnings to the contrary. I fear that if I stop contacting her she might get back to me eventually, and I am not sure if I am prepared for that. The idea makes me feel emotionally vulnerable. Even if its a million-to-one chance she does get back to me. I still hold onto all the anger and resentment because of it. I use it as an excuse to protect myself. I might never feel ready to let it go, but I have to. I have to learn from my mistakes and avoid the consequences of my actions. An analogy my therapist gave me is its like drinking from a cup of poison each day.

My psychiatrist might give me an extra stimulant to help me get through the day without having the normal evening breakdown's I have been having, but I don't have it yet because the insurance wouldn't approve the first drug she prescribed, so we'll see how extra ADHD meds helps me focus on other things. Its been a bit of a roller coaster, Vyvanse lifts me out of my downs and gives me the ability to cope and distract myself if I so choose. It doesn't exactly solve my inner issues, but it buys me more time to think and fix things.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice? Can anyone relate to what I am going through? Are ADHD meds really the right solution to this problem?

Anger and anxiety are relationship killers. No matter if she calls you back or not. Having either or of those two elements will make the conversation dull. Let go of being vulnerable and invest yourself once you have regained the control you need to look at your anger logically.

I am not on ADHD medication. It was recommended to me for I have a bad short working memory. Women, AS or NT do not like it when you seem like you are not listening to them. They will ....WILL get upset at you no matter what your condition is.

Yes I can relate to your situation. I forgive my Ex but I will not forget. Letting go is very difficult. After letting go of my own anxiety I see that I was acting irrational and there were better alternatives to the problem besides breaking up. I could have handled allot of things differently if I knew I had AS from the beginning.

Do not fear the consequences, because fear leads to anger. (yes just like Yoda said) You have feelings for this girl, if you show her fear of her saying no to you. She will never say yes again.

Yes, get the ADHD meds, be positive when she gets back to you, and let go of any expectations and show her the guy that is vulnerable and willing to make the investment.

Here is a quote I liked, "To bring anything into your life, imagine that it's already there." So in stead of moping about not having a girlfriend, even though it does hurt being alone, I should act like I think I should act as if I were happy. That way when an opportunity for someone to pop into my life arises, I am not using them as a reason to better myself.

Though that means putting a lot of my anxiety to the wayside, but not really fighting it. I think that is what ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, is about. Learning to live with anxiety and other things. Need to buy a book on it.

Never pretend to be something you are not. If you are angry, be angry. But don't harass people, that's a jerk move.

What is this anger a response to? Is it fear? Is it violation? If you trace your feelings down, removing the girl and focusing on your reaction, you might find it easier to resolve.

I was pretty angry, and she was angry at me, and she behaved in a rather close to harassing manner on wrongplanet to me. It was hard for me not to be harassing of her. The point is, that holding onto anger for too long is counterproductive.



I feel abandoned a bit, and then controlled in my abandonment. Like she left things for me to read on this forum, and then didn't think twice about how I missed her, and how she was going about what remained of our friendship in a destructive manner. She stopped directly referring to me, but also made me more confused about what I meant to her when talking about another guy. She has quit posting all together though. There were times when we were both at the same group in person where it seemed like she forgave me, but that doesn't mean that she would directly talk to me, mostly just making me more upset. Its difficult to explain though. Past a point she stopped directly talking to me, and that is mostly what I wanted, and she did all these things that made me feel ignored. She was practically the only person I wanted to look to for support, and she twisted that. I can talk to other people about my issues now, so it is not so bad.

My reaction, in regards to what my friendship with this girl actually was, was pretty out of bounds. I have been trouble keeping my feelings of the situation under control, which is why I have needed serious therapeutic and psychiatric help. It has been two years, though some events up to even six or so months ago have made it difficult to let go. Thats what I need to do, understand how my feelings are not helping the situation and pull myself back up. Even if it is a little bit at a time. I need to quit letting my past control my life, and quit focusing on what I do not have, and what I can actually do.

Just giving lexapro some time to work is helping me out greatly too. Also I am increasing lexapro from 10mg to 20mg with taking 15mg in between. Psychiatrically I feel like I am getting somewhere this time.