To hell with it!

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I am so sick of dealing with the stupid mental heath center place I go for therapy and crap. I've tried the CBT many times and of course that is what they have there to, never had luck with it and they've kept mismanaging crap and what not so I keep getting therapists switched on me last one I've been seeing is entirely useless its like they want me to come up with a therapy plan....well I thought they are the professional so why don't they help me figure something out I don't know what is supposed to work or not, if I knew exactly what would help me why would I go to therapy in the first place....So yeah this therapist didn't really know what to do with me, but where referring me to a therapist to do EMDR for my PTSD(skeptical it would help but whatever, supposed to be for PTSD) but yeah agreed to meet with that therapist who is also through this same mental health center for an initial meeting to see if they thought it would even be a good therapy for me to attempt....so whole time thought the appointment was today, because last week the therapist I've had of late called to tell me when my appointment with this new one is....they initially said it was on last monday, then called back said they where mixed up and it was actually on this monday. Well turns out it really was last monday I wanted to just yell at the desk clerk or whatever on the phone and say 'To hell with this mental health center, you guys suck at providing services, suck at providing any consistent mental health ect.' especially when I tried to just simply rescedule but apparently I gotta call the main office, try and set up an appointment with the therapist and bla bla bla and it's going to be a big hassle.

Just frustrated about this, so frustrated in fact I don't even want to bother rescheduling or dealing with them anymore, but if I am not 'in treatment' like going to therapy, seeing a psychiatrist to prescribe me meds(which none of the ones for the 'depression' have helped) but the valium and trazodone are rather useful but yeah I can't just quit or then SSI can say....oh you're not still disabled cause you're not in treatment so must mean you're better but no just fed up.......and maybe this is stupid and pathetic but it hit me kind of hard i was already nervous about this appointment and stressing about it and then when i find out 'oh you missed it because we misinformed you of when it was' so its just stressing me out more now and honestly its not so in my face now but earlier I really just wanted a gun to shoot myself with...thought about jumping in traffic or in front of lightrail train, essentially to hell with it is only thing I could think. Sucks to because I forgot the time I thought I had the appointment so called on my way home from visiting my dad to find out this crap so I was in public trying to get home....and when all the suicidal thinking wouldn't leave me alone not to mention I really wanted to break something I started getting very worried about getting in trouble with cops or something if I wasn't able to get home with no more hassle and freaked out or had some mental breakdown or something and buses where being sort of slow and weird so was trying to keep calm till getting home and that has exhausted me. Can't kill myself before wednesday anyways since I am helping my dad about meeting someone for a ride since he has to go out of state then after that I got a couple concerts early this next month....hopefully i can maybe find something after those concerts to have to wait for....

The "Therapy Games" ... What joy. But you said it yourself. You have to see who they tell you to see to stay in the system. CBT is such a joke. I once had a therapist take me to the bus transfer station to ask people for directions. You never know though. Sometimes you stumble on someone who knows what they're doing.

Technically speaking i could probably try and go through somewhere else, but not sure if there is anywhere else that takes medicaid in my area, will have to start looking around...but of course that is more stress and headaches, but the 'treatment' I am getting now is not doing sh*t to help me if anything just adds to my problems by frustrating me due to all the bureaucratic BS or whatever it is that causes this place to be ran so inconsistently.

But yeah hopefully I will find a good therapist or something eventually...that actually knows what their doing and might get me, but thus far haven't had that. But pretty sure trying to keep up on therapy isn't supposed to trigger intense suicidal ideation because they mix up the day, tell you the wrong day and then act like you're the one who just didn't show up for some reason. And they are supposed to call a couple days in advance to remind me of my appointments(since I was having trouble remembering so they started doing that for me) well didn't get the bloody call for this appointment....if I did then maybe I wouldn't have missed it thinking it was today. Of course if I tell them that frusterates me to the point of strong suicidal feelings then before I know it I'll be in a psych ward and really don't want to deal with that currently.

Have you tried the therapist finder on Psychology Today's website. It's not much, but it's a start...

Not yet, have been taking it easy the rest of the day avoiding stress like the plauge don't want to stress myself out anymore, I've had enough suicidal thoughts for one day and don't want to trigger anything more. But tomorrow I'll probably try and address that mess somewhat...I just totally wasn't prepared for more freaking hassle and already fed up about having similar issues with this place before.