Should I even bother anymore?

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I dont know why, incresingly almost feel like its because im just an idiot, but i always try make friends with people and it never works out. Ive lived mostly alone for most of my life - i have my siblings and othre family members but unles its a holiday or they have time to visit me they mostlly leave me to myself. i want to think Im used to being alone but while i usualy can stand it sometimes i cant and i try to socialise with other people to maybe make more friends.

i dont have a good personality so usualy people dont want to be near me but sometimes people like me nough to get close for awhile, but it almost always happens that they get fed up and leave. I always hear the same complaints; that i overreact to things, that Im childish, that Im obnoxious, that im rude and condescending and selfish, and then they leave, and i dont know how to fix it. i try to bring up my diagnosis o high-functioning autism and on top of that leopard syndrome and psychosis disorder nos, not to totally excuse my behaviour but just to ask them to be little more patient, but they just say im using it as a crutch or an excuse. i dont think i am because this reallly hurts when i have someone who i think is my friend say these things to me and leave me, i always contemplate suicide when it happens, and i would do anything to completely stop doing the things that they dont like, but i know sometimes i cant help it, i really cant, sometimes i just meltdown and when i react to things, its always that - a reaction, no time to stop and think. ive gone to jail before becaus of this sort of stuff, i obviusly idnt want that to rationally happpen at all

i would rather not bring up those diagnoses at all, just would rather say i am different from most peoplle and just need little more patience, but they accept that even less than labels apparently. i try to explain why i did things way i did but it always seemms like we are completely different species or something becuse they dont understand my logic at all. my father always called me an animal and ive been caled an animal by people ive tried being friends with so maybe their right in a way. i want to think im a good person because i have familly that knows me better than anyone else and they love me for it - they get fed up with me at times beccuse i know im more than anyone could ever take but they never abandon me, always come back - but rest of worlld doesnt seem to think so and its very upsetting. should i even try to make friends or socialise anymore with other people or should i just accept the fact that i am supposed to not be with much any humans and dont try again and just live mostly alone?

I think you should keep trying. After a rejection, take some time off from socializing to recharge.

Previous poster is right about rest. Socialising is absolutely exhausting so you need down time afterwards. I only schedule one social occassion per week because I dont know how wiped i'll be after the first one. If im fine afterwards i'll arrange another and so on.

However I think you might need to explain in detail how autism affects your communication. Its very difficult to explain however so you need to rehearse that beforehand. It may just be that your friends dont understand the communication deficits autism places on us all.

Get a dog. If you're not a dog person, get a puppy.

If you have a dog already, spend more time with your dog.

A cat is not a dog. I said DOG.

People suck. They don't understand you, anyway. You only need family.

And a dog.

Or a parrot. Parrots cost more and are a huge commitment because your parrot will probably out live you, but you can get the same level of companionship from a parrot as from a dog.

Also, parrots are at least as smart as dogs AND able to speak meaningful sentences.

i generaly do take time out before going back out to try to make any friends since i feel bad after lose another relationship and cant stomach trying again for awhile. last time was two years, basically didnt do much in that time other than sociallise with family at times, didnt try anyone i didnt already know. this keeps happening though and so wonder if i just keep messing up is it even really worth for me to keep trying.

i have always had cats. iv been attacked by dogs a couple time in my life so ive never felt fond of them.

The reason cats are fundamentally different is that cats don't really bond the way dogs do. Dogs, like humans, are pack animals. Parrots and other birds form deep pair bonds as well. Cats kind of... Form allegiances. It's different.

Forget people. Get a puppy. A well cared for dog will never attack a family member. Unless it gets rabies.