I really wish I didn't exist

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I don't know what to say. I wrote a whole lot but I deleted it. It was just stupid complaining anyway, nobody wants to hear that. The point is, there isn't a point. There is no reason for me to be here. So why should I stay?

Create your own meaning and live life as much as you can. I know it is hard and their is somedays I too wish not to exist; however, their is always a future one can create for yourself not others. Reject society and find meaning in the abyss of meaningless.

But that's what I've always done. Even as a kid I wondered what meaning, if any, my life had. I faked it all my life. I faked believing there was a purpose hoping that I'd find one eventually like everyone else does. And I still haven't, after all this time. I don't want to live anymore, not if my life is going to be like that.

You need to go deeper since you seem to have hope in yourself as you made this thread. This is not about want society wants from you, it is about yourself. What burns passion in your soul? What make you yourself? What ideals do you want to believe in? Look truly in the deepest part of yourself and let that you escape. Remember you are the only person that can create meaning for yourself. I know how you feel since I am currently searching for meaning myself. But, you need to slowly rebuild yourself up from the ground up to make the true and better you.

it is your birthright to be able to complain, you should do so until the life situation you want is obtained. to not complain is just to bottle up those feelings which only eats you up inside. so go ahead and complain.

Would you feel better if you accepted the fact that life has no meaning as one of the fundamental premises of life? That helps me a lot. I still get depressed about lots of other things but not whether or not life has a meaning.

Or is the meaninglessness of life not the real thing you're depressed about anyway? Perhaps it's all the stuff you deleted from your opening post. Whether or not you share that is your repetitive but figure it would be either you're depressed about the conditions or your life or you're depressed due to regretting past decisions. That is to say people get depressed either because they hate the world or they hate themselves. If it's the former type, consider yourself lucky. The world is an easy thing to hate, yourself not so much.

Sometimes life is a dose of muck, or the banal hum drum with no end in sight wears people out to the point they stop questioning, accept their fate and live within boundaries. Someone once told me that you have to find a reason, something realistic to motivate you. Material gain undoubtedly motivates many, but it can be transient, blinding and empty. Personal development as a motivation is something you can define and adapt, small achievements build momentum towards personally defined success.

My only suggestion is to remember that YOU are the key. How you respond to external stimuli originates in your own head.

It's not that I think life has no meaning. But mine doesn't. I'm sick of going through the motions and pretending that some day I'll find a reason.

I read some stories about people who tried to kill themselves, and they all said they were glad they failed because they just needed to talk, or because there they had family and friends cared about them. But nobody wants to talk to me, in the past I've tried talking and I get shut down because people don't believe me. People ask, "How are you?", but they don't actually care how I'm doing. They don't care about me at all.

The meaning of life stuff.

There isn't one I don't think.

If there is one, I want to hear about it.

The reason to be.

Same answer. No reason.

Why? Because of why not.

Feed on stuff, make yourself alive. It's easy. If it was actually as difficult as people make you believe, you would not exist. Unfortunately people make things difficult, and it can really screw your head up.

Sorry if I'm wrong.

Hey Buddy:

You're 19 years old. You haven't had 1/6 of the experiences which you will experience throughout life.

Don't give up just yet.

This is what I do when I find I have no faith in people:
Glory in the Power of Nature. You're fortunate you live in a scenic area, near the Rocky Mountains.

You're still a young man with a whole life ahead of you. Don't put yourself down, there are people who will understand you but finding them can be a bit hard but they are out there.

That's pretty good, I like that. Like for me my meaning of life has become using personal development to chase the next ego boost. It's like chasing the dragon of success.

But no matter how much I improve there's always someone who does it better than me. Like my annoying cousin who's good at the same stuff I'm good at except more-so. That means he's more like me than I am!
Well you got a step further than I did. I've tried to talk to people about my problems but I just couldn't. I can type about them but I can't explain them very well in meatspace because it's too hard to break my habit of pretending to be happy. It's sort of like a mental defense mechanism I can't deactivate when I'm in meatspace.

And yet maybe you will. Who knows what the future holds for you. Sometimes depression can lessen overtime as the conditions that caused it abate. It can lessen but it's hard to for it to go away completely once you've gotten into the habit of thinking negative thoughts. Still an improvement though.

Are you sure? Depression can play tricks on your mind. It can make you think things that aren't true. It can make you think everyone hates you when they don't.

Exactly! L_Holmes is only a 1/6 of the way through his 114 year life expectancy. Don't believe me? Remember when the current crop of 90 year olds were born, the life expectancy was much less than 90. Life expectancy increases as you age.

That's pretty good, I like that. Like for me my meaning of life has become using personal development to chase the next ego boost. It's like chasing the dragon of success.

But no matter how much I improve there's always someone who does it better than me. Like my annoying cousin who's good at the same stuff I'm good at except more-so. That means he's more like me than I am!
Well you got a step further than I did. I've tried to talk to people about my problems but I just couldn't. I can type about them but I can't explain them very well in meatspace because it's too hard to break my habit of pretending to be happy. It's sort of like a mental defense mechanism I can't deactivate when I'm in meatspace.

And yet maybe you will. Who knows what the future holds for you. Sometimes depression can lessen overtime as the conditions that caused it abate. It can lessen but it's hard to for it to go away completely once you've gotten into the habit of thinking negative thoughts. Still an improvement though.

Are you sure? Depression can play tricks on your mind. It can make you think things that aren't true. It can make you think everyone hates you when they don't.

Exactly! L_Holmes is only a 1/6 of the way through his 114 year life expectancy. Don't believe me? Remember when the current crop of 90 year olds were born, the life expectancy was much less than 90. Life expectancy increases as you age.

Life is what you make of it. It may be hard to understand, and it is quite unfair, but, you can have a happier state in life. I'm 19 like you my friend, this is the time of our lives where we are still finding ourselves. Don't try to look too far into the future though. You may miss out on whats happening right now. If its people that had got you down in life. Don't listen to them because all they'll do to you is make you upset. Be happy to be you.

I can honestly say finding yourself may take quite a lot of years