Why do I bother?

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I am not sure what motivates me anymore. I am so tired. I am still obsessed over someone who I ruined things with. Even thinking about the tiniest memories of her can be extremely draining. I would judge the last positive interaction with her as earlier this year, so I still need time to cool down. There is tremendous pressure for me to find a job, while it takes constant reminders for me to take care of myself. I do not feel right at all, and medication is only taking me so far. Spiritually I feel dead. I think about the grand scheme of everything g and just feel like a burden. I can not keep myself happy in my current situation.

I guess it comes down to interests. I had a friend once who I could take an interest in, I would give anything to feel that way on that level again. I play Magic: The Gathering with other people and that helps me take my mind off things a little. Besides that I do not feel I even have much to talk about. I have become much more quiet. There was a time when I was in school, I had a few friends, I could say I was not depressed. Now I miss going to class, having that structure and activities. I made a mistake with someone though, and I am still trying to control the fallout of that.

I wish I lived in an alternate universe sometimes, where I still had her, where things worked out. Here I have nothing but a degree, and barely any willpower to do something with it. I can not say I am happy withy he position I made for myself. I sometimes want to kill myself. I wonder how much my former friend is still watching too.

This is exactly how I felt after leaving college.

Its one of the toughest times of your life and no-one can really help you out of it unfortunately.

When I feel similar, I try to erase expectation. Don't have much to share? Then you don't...end of discussion. I guess I would question what truly eats at you. Could it be an internalized expectation of what others want?

I know it's hard missing a good friend, because I'm there myself. All we can do is try to respect their needs too- to be a good friend.

I think that spark of interest/intrigue revives naturally after we have found adequate stillness. Maybe seek out what you find restful, and the rest will follow.

Take care, and feel free to pm if you want to talk about it.

My current main problem is I have no money, and that requires a job. And if I can't even accomplish that I guess I will go back to school for a Master's Degree. I wonder even if I get a job I would like it very much. I had one professor comment that I would be bored out of my mind getting a job with just a Bachelor's Degree.

Well, I just got a job in my field! So nevermind.

I'm in exactly the same situation. I came so close to having the best girlfriend I could have ever hoped for. We had similar interests and beliefs, and I just felt so happy and fulfilled when I was with her. Eventually it got to the point where she lost interest in me and moved on, and here I am 4 months and 9 days later with the same feelings I had then. I feel like I'm rotting from the inside. I feel like life is just drudging on and I have no reason to keep moving forward. I wish I had some advice but I don't know what to do either.

P.S. Don't kill yourself, that won't fix anything and you'll miss out on potentially good things in the future.

I'm in exactly the same situation. I came so close to having the best girlfriend I could have ever hoped for. We had similar interests and beliefs, and I just felt so happy and fulfilled when I was with her. Eventually it got to the point where she lost interest in me and moved on, and here I am 4 months and 9 days later with the same feelings I had then. I feel like I'm rotting from the inside. I feel like life is just drudging on and I have no reason to keep moving forward. I wish I had some advice but I don't know what to do either.

P.S. Don't kill yourself, that won't fix anything and you'll miss out on potentially good things in the future.