My sister just tried to kill herself

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Joined: 18 Jul 2014
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13 Dec 2014, 6:16 pm

She is 24, I haven't seen her in a while, but she is the one I was planning on moving in with in a few months. She texted me a while ago today to tell me she loves and misses me, but I was driving and couldn't respond. She doesn't normally say things like that ever. It crossed my mind that there might be a reason she sent that, but I didn't really know what to do about it if that really was why and I figured she was probably just being nice anyway.

I guess she took a ton of pills and alcohol, and now she's in the emergency room. They say she's stable but they don't know anything for sure yet. Now I don't know how to react. I don't feel much different from before my mom told me. And I think a normal person would feel bad, possibly even awful about not calling the person or at least doing something when they send a message like that. I do care in a way, but I also feel like I don't at the same time. It's confusing.

Wouldn't a normal person be calling their parents to find out the details on the situation or something? Or maybe be crying or feeling sad or guilty? And I don't feel particularly horrible about not doing or feeling these things either, it is more just confusing to me. And I don't think I'm in shock.

Situations like these make me wonder if I'm even capable of having any sort of meaningful relationship with anyone. If I'm even able to be considered human. I seriously believe this would still be my reaction if my whole family died.

And the fact that I'm making this situation about myself just proves my point.

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Humanaut
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13 Dec 2014, 7:05 pm

I don't think it is uncommon to experience a delayed reaction to difficult events like the one described.

AspieUtah
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13 Dec 2014, 7:09 pm

L_Holmes wrote:

What you wrote seems to be the perfect place to start talking with your parents. They would understand your attempt to understand your sister's actions. They are probably feeling the same emotions as you.

Talk to them and give it a try?

Meanwhile, I am sorry about your sister's actions and how they affected you. But, it seems that the worst part is over, and she apparently wants you to know about her love for you. Don't feel like you have to change suddenly for her or your parents. Sometimes, just being there is enough. Good luck with your own understanding of all this.

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slenkar
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13 Dec 2014, 8:15 pm

Are you on anti-depressants or eating gluten?
Thats what they do to me, make me feel more detached from everything.

L_Holmes
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13 Dec 2014, 8:33 pm

slenkar wrote:

Are you on anti-depressants or eating gluten?
Thats what they do to me, make me feel more detached from everything.

I actually stopped taking anti-depressants a while back for this exact reason. I do eat gluten, but I've eaten gluten all my life, and as far as I know it doesn't affect me in any noticeable way. To be totally honest though, I don't eat a lot to begin with. There are days that I go without eating almost all day, and then I only eat because I realize I haven't eaten, not that I'm terribly hungry. I'm fairly active at my job, and I'm a 19-year-old male, so I'm not sure why I can eat so little.

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cberg
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13 Dec 2014, 9:12 pm

Humanaut wrote:

I don't think it is uncommon to experience a delayed reaction to difficult events like the one described.

Not only that, having faced deaths & suicides among friends and family rather more directly this is the first thing I would expect of anyone. It's not a coherently defined form of shock. In my view events like these don't seem real because they concern people facing existence beyond what we know as reality. Everyone has their own perspectives of course, but anyone is subject to the same perceptual limitations.

Also, anything concerning your family is about you. You didn't center the situation around yourself at all, this only means you aren't afforded the luxury of understanding it from a more involved perspective.

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13 Dec 2014, 10:29 pm

cberg wrote:

Humanaut wrote:

I don't think it is uncommon to experience a delayed reaction to difficult events like the one described.

Thank you, this helped me understand it a bit better. I asked my brother and he told me, "I don't know how to react", so I guess I'm not the only one in the family feeling like this.

Also, I found out that she is ok, but she is still suicidal so they are admitting her to a psychiatric hospital. Now I'm wondering, when I was talking to her about getting a 3-bedroom apartment for her, me and my brother to share the rent, she asked me if I was ok with us having a gun in the house, a little pistol. This was a few weeks ago, and it seemed a bit random. She was saying it would be good for self-defense. Now I'm wondering if she actually had this in mind; and to be totally honest, when I told her it was fine, if that's what she was thinking I was actually thinking of doing that exact thing as well. I don't want to end up getting sent to a psychiatric hospital, so I feel kind of bad for her that they are sending her to one.

I'm also wondering what this means as far as our plans to get an apartment together

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QuiversWhiskers
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13 Dec 2014, 11:10 pm

I am sorry to hear that. I am glad she didn't succeed.

I'd be wondering about the apartment thing too. She's not going to be okay for a long time.

Does she know you are being checked for AS? Do you think she has a shadow of it? Why would she do this?

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13 Dec 2014, 11:49 pm

I'm sorry to hear that.

You seem to have been having some hard time recently...

I hope things get better.

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14 Dec 2014, 3:23 am

i don't think it's because you don't care. if you didn't care, you wouldn't even be thinking about it. you sound like you have a lot weighing you down and a lot of other things on your mind as well. you're definitely not narcissistic.

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15 Dec 2014, 5:57 am

Gosh you are having a rough time, your reaction is normal for you, and with serious incidents each person will have their own unique response to a crisis. Try to not compare your reaction to other peoples.

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15 Dec 2014, 11:44 am

You could visit her at the hospital,

if you dont she might not forgive you for a long time

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15 Dec 2014, 6:24 pm

L_Holmes, I don't think it's a good idea for you to move in with your sister while you are both dealing with issues of suicidal thoughts. Especially not if there's a gun in the house.
As for your absence of an appropriate reaction, I am not sure that it is. Often, I have found that my feelings take some time to manifest. In some instances, it has been weeks before I reacted to a traumatic event. I think it's an autistic thing. Doesn't meant you're a psychopath.

kraftiekortie
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15 Dec 2014, 7:03 pm

Have you spoken to your sister yet? I think she needs your voice; I think it would soothe her. Just talk about nonsense--unless she brings something up. "Small talk" is something which is useful under these conditions.

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17 Dec 2014, 3:46 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Unfortunately I can't see her as she lives in Ohio, and for some reason my mom still has her phone. I haven't had any communication with her since her text a couple days ago. My grandparents don't know that this happened. And I still don't really know how to react. It feels weird, like I have to just keep going on with my life like nothing happened because there's nothing I can do

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20 Dec 2014, 1:12 pm

If you know what hospital she is in just call the hospital and you can have the nurse let you speak to her over the phone. You can also send her flowers or a letter. You can upload a youtube message to her talking to her with privacy settings so only you and her can see it ...and the nurse can probably play it for her on a laptop or on the nurse's phone or what not.

Not talking to her at all or communicating with her is worse than being silent (From her perspective).

Does she have AS? Do you know why she tried to do this?

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