how to rid self of emotions and love?

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..... I'm not sure how to. trying to come to peace with fact I won't ever be loved by a woman. just too much wrong about me. I don't expect to ever be happy, but maybe if I could find a way to be numb or neutral. perhaps I'll just eventually die in side?

I think if I had wishes that could be granted, I'd make changes to myself. looks, change my personality so i could be less kind, not playful, funny, trusting, giving etc. not weird. then of course better skilled and smart so I could find a good job. though I wouldn't be me anymore, so maybe I'd better off just wishing to be someone else.

current dream is just to win money so i can go crawl off and hide in a house in the mountains and never go near people again. such far different than my past dreams and goals. hopefully i get a job, then i'll find a cheap apartment and just hid there away from anyone except to go out to work. and if i get the right security job i may not even see people at work. eventually just kill myself and no one will know for weeks because not seeing me is normal.

I'm just too wrong to live really. no place on this planet, never had, never will.

don't see a point in doing anything as it all leading to no where. just going lie here til I pass out with some sad music.

You should pass out via good old time rock n roll instead.

You'll find somebody. Try the gaming forums.

Listen to Kraftiekortie and believe, that some day you´ll meet someone, who like those good qualities, you know you have and who likes a little charming weirdness. They are out there somewhere.

doubtful.

my own sister gets mad at me all the time, shows I just can't be with a gf. like other day she said "she was going drop something cause she couldn't answer her phone and hold it." this did not register to me as " please hold this for me" so she got mad at me.

I sometimes make noises. like when something scares me or almost hits me. I've actually become more fox like in not being around people. I'm skidish and freak out a bit from noises.

my room is bit mess from lack of space to store stuff and combined with well just me in here and i'm depressed so why clean.

then there's the lack of job, car, place i live alone just me, I'm ugly, fat(though not really but anything over a twig is considered fat by a lot of women) then like above I don't get no straight forward communication. no hints for me. I'm too touchy feely, I give gifts, I want to cuddle and yes sex(though I won't give in to those wants cause I have a bad penis) I'm not smart enough either it seems. and I'm dependent not independent(why someone who is would want a gf I don't get, Gf=/= independence. i mean being in a relationship means depending on someone o.O) they also don't want anyone with drama. which confuses me I've never met a drama free person. how does one predict and prevent unknown events from happening.

I like my little pony friendship is magic, and other cartoons, I find them cute, good writing and makes me happy, though I'm away such things are just seen as wierd and childish, there for unattactrive and if i did obtain a gf I'd have to hid and through away a lot of my belongings.

I play video games which is also seen as childish, I own guns which is seen as evil by most the left leaning women in my area, those who don't only want a country boy(drives big truck, hunts, fishes, wears boots, not a sissy) I'm a non violent city boy who doesn't kill spiders unless its a last resort(catch and release them outside is prefered.)

really over all, theres a part of me that is off putting to all women. if i just had one thing wrong I'm sure I could maybe find someone but all of it combined upsets each group of women.

most are off put about the lack of success(job, car, house)
left hates that I own guns
right women hate that I'm a city boy and support welfare,
gamers don't tend to like guns and women gamers tend to be pc gamers who dislike consoles which I play on
really most gamer/animie/cartoon show loving women tend to be left leaning.
the girly girls, want a atractive atheltic guy(though to be fair the gamers, and fat women say the same here)


I'm just too middle ground for anyone it seems. If I'm not unattractive for one thing its something else I like or do or am to another woman. haven't meet or seen any woman who is pro gun, loves cartoons, play console gaming, doesn't care about status, or about a guy being athletic.

my mom always said let him buy all the guns he wants' when he gets a gf she'll just make him sell them all. impliing most women don't like guns. but I won't. if it comes to guns(who I am) vs keeping a woman I chose who I am and what I like. I won't change my core to be with some girl who will likely be gone in less then a year. besides they clearly don't love me if they demanding i sell my guns, video games, and cartoon stuff. I mean asking me to sell everything I enjoy in life and be an empty shell. says a lot.

my expectations for a woman though are super low. as long as we get along, and share interests I don't care as long as they aren't super big, I don't care if they don't have a job and live with their parents. Im open to a lot of stuff and more interested in personality and brain then superficial stuff.

realise that most men are into superficial stuff too, its more society in general I only talk about women cause I want to date women not men. though for the record I would have easy time finding a pro gun, middle ground cartoon loving guy then a girl. but I'm not into dudes.

also I don't see it improving with a job. even if it does I won't accept it. i mean so they into me if I I have a job but not now. so its all about job and not me. or i'm not good enough but if i get a job I magically am? just says they don't' really care about me. should have killed myself 3 days ago

gaming forums here? they all tend to be anti what I'm pro. my life story I suppose.
otherwise there aren't much gaming forums unless you're into xbox vx ps, or pc master race. just a bunch of bashing.
I'm not into all that I just enjoy some video games. this is really the only forum i'm active on and my only people input since all my friends have started ignoring me. not sure when its ok to defriend. cause bet as soon as I do they message me being like why you defriending me. my people contact has been quicking decreasing. and nothing I can do can help. as trying to contact them more just makes me seem clingy. :'(

spend my day on here and then watching porn I guess. just isn't anything else to do. watched all my tv shows, finished all my games and non coming out til december. no friends, car is broken, I got call about an interview but can't get to it so haven't called them back. not sure what's going on with voc rehab, they were suppose to call me back wednesday but didn't. about getting me a new job developer, mean while old one is still nagging me. starting to worry about me laying in bed all the time in. bed padding is gone so feel the springs. but i've got a tiny room, with no where to sit but the bed.

gym doesn't' seem like its ever going open, and to be honest I doubt i have the moral to push myself to go to it regularly
ideal is to go there daily to walk but its half a mile a way and car is dead, and I afraid to go places alone. and honestly whats the point. i mean i go get in shape but I'm still jobless, carless, houseless. plus I don't want to be one those guys with a six pack and muscles. I just want to get down to 240 pound and still there.

*hugs sly*
Try to hang on to the spark while you've still got it. Once it goes out it's a b***h to relight..

I have to ask: Do you sincerely feel bad for not being loved by a woman because...

A) You sincerely want to be loved by one and love her back, or...

B) Because our stupid society, which unbelievably REEKS of stupidity, wants to stupidly make you believe you're not a "real man" unless you have a female partner, which is stupid. Did I mention it was stupid?

Either way you shouldn't feel like you're a hopeless failure because you're not.

why would I want to relight it?



A. I want to love a woman. I am heavly romantic, I desire to hold and be held. I have a lot of loving ideas in my head I desire to express. always felt the only good thing I can be good at would be loving and caring for a woman. I'm good at being kind and loving with no outlet.

kinda suck at everything else but cashiering. honestly I never cared about being a real man til I'll got rejected over and over for not being a real man by women. Never even heard the term til women said it. so for me anyways its been women who say I'm not a real man and make me feel bad, never men. my male friends mostly just accepted me as being me. and that being a man is just doing whatever it is you do. sure some called me p**** or weird. cause I'm afraid of getting hurt and germaphobic most my life. I never liked getting dirty don't think i've seen any want a " real woman" posts. think men are hit harder on this, as to be a woman are you have to do is be born, but men have this standard that is unfairly placed by women and apparently some men, so society at large to be a real man
which means good job, car, home, being tough, fit, drive a truck, work a real mans job(labor intensive) wear boots, etc

I've always just been me. I was raised by women, i like being inside more then outside, though I do like camping and hikes but afraid of getting ticks and bugs. I do wear boots, but not cause its expected, i just find them comfortable. I found a truck non practical. gass sucker, big, hard to park, vs a car that gets great mpg and is easy to park and small. I'm not strong like I'm suppose to be so I don't like labor jobs, not to mention the noise and yelling hurts me.

would have liked to have some kind of office job where I wear a suit. or military where wear a uniform. I just want to be me and wish that I could be loveable.

guess I'm not depressing enough.

Who cares? All I ever wanted was a job and a place to live alone. Buddha said it best, we are slaves to our desires. Stop hoping, stop desiring, stop worrying, and end all your problems. It doesn't matter if you get a women. You could get one and still be unhappy. Even happiness doesn't matter. Sometimes we are happy and sometimes not. Sometimes it rains and sometimes not. Look, modern life breeds loneliness. Go somewhere else. I know a hippy farm in Costa Rica where they do permaculture and yoga. Just for example. This world is alive with possibility. Don't limit yourself to a boring dream of domestic bliss. Those assholess are unhappy too.

It depends on the person. I was always aloof and I enjoy isolation, so emotions were never a problem for me. However, I fell in love with a friend when I was 21 and I spent nearly 1 year trying to decide if I should talk to her or forget the whole thing. Eventually, I tried to ask her out, but she told me she was trying to get back with her ex (to this day I am not sure she was telling the truth). Then, I asked her if I ever had a chance with her: she said "probably not." Afterwards, I got over her and never had any problem with emotions and love ever again. I am 24 years old and, while I still find women attractive, I enjoy isolation too much to even bother with a romantic relationship.

The problem with being a loner like me is that modern society requires social interaction on a daily basis. I plan on abandoning civilization to live as a hermit, but first I need to take care of some unfinished business that will take years to solve. All in all, if I could choose, I would rather not be anti-social. You can only be a happy anti-social person if you have no responsibilities towards other people (like family, for example) or if you are cold-hearted enough to just forfeit those responsibilities (which I am not, ergo the unfinished businesses I mentioned).

Denial denial denial with the end goal of dehumanizing yourself to yourself. It's not pretty when it happens, you become everyone's lapdog. Don't do it, I lived in that hell hole for about 7 years and the pain of loneliness is far more bearable than that ever was. Being comfortably numb is not as pleasant as it sounds.

huh?

You're not the only one like that. I know that no matter what I do, it's extremely unlikely that I will ever be in a relationship. It means that I can focus on myself and do things I like and buy things I want. This may sound selfish, like I can't make any compromises, but I can and I would make them. I'm just trying to make the best out of my situation. If I'm not good enough for anyone then at least I can be the best person for me.

Don't give up on things you like. Be yourself. Then, even if you won't find a nice girl, you'll be happy with yourself.