I feel so many things all at once that it merges into one great nothing. Sobbing, shouting, laughing, wrecking things, saying things I shouldn't be saying, all while feeling nothing, like I don't care at all, like I've turned into a psychopath and no longer have any sense of right and wrong, I just want to destroy everything in my path, I don't think there's anything good in this world and I just want to destroy it all, and most of all I want to destroy myself. I feel the need to get out of the house, just leave and go further and further and further and never come back at all. I can't concentrate this on anything "good" or "productive" I just want, need to wreck everything, to break everything around me because all of it's overwhelming.
But maybe it's not even a meltdown anymore, maybe it's just me, maybe there's no way to end this. One thing too many become f****d up in my life. I've already physically broken some things and said more than a few idiotic things - I haven't harmed myself yet but will unless I calm down. If anyone has any tips to do so, please share
18 Feb 2015, 12:22 pm
