totally bummed

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I posted this on another thread, but I got a call today that the Mental Health Employment Service course that I was supposed to start today has been postponed indefinitely.

I'm out of ideas.

I've got a bottle of red, a pack of smokes and a bit of weed, but still I am not consoled.

I just honestly do not know what to do with myself. I fear that I have nothing to offer society but my dependence and receipt of charity. I suppose there are worse things, but I had always held out hope that I would make something of myself.

I guess I'm a bum.
I am toying with the idea of accepting it.

What happened?

Why has it been postponed?

It's probably not your fault.

You're still not a bum!

Three people dropped out, which, as it's a small group, made the group too small to proceed.

And my submission to the magazine, about Henry, was rejected.

So, I'm feeling at a bit of a loss right now. All out of ideas.

It seems I have no value other than to be taken care of.

My "boyfriend" talked to the owner of a local gas bar and he is willing to interview me. But ntbf does not understand that I can't work as a clerk.

So what are you supposed to do when, while still having your wits about you, you are told the only place for you is dependence. And you still have half your life to go. I can't stand it.

I could shoot up the mall, but it's been done to death.

Submit your story to other publishers.

The Beatles were rejected quite a few times before they were accepted.

I have to rush at work now.

I'll "speak" with you later, though.

She was joking. She has a macabre sense of humor.

I thought you were joking.

I'm sorry your plan fell through. I hate it when that happens. I wish I had some decent advice.

My life has been such a battle. But I thought there would be some kind of reward for my efforts. Turns out I'm some decrepit wizard in my own bizarre oz.

I am just so frustrated.
How am I supposed to function when all I've done is try and society cannot find any value to place on me.
If I truly am valueless, I'm not sure what action to take.

You make plans and other stuff happens, I get that. I've lowered my hopes to getting the mix of bitter and sweet right in tomorrows smoothie, lol.
You have value, there will be more opportunities.

Yeah, I love waking up to a new morning's smoothie. Mine are usually blended with s**t and vomit.
I looked up the firearms rules for Ontario. All I have to do is pass a test to get a license. This is my new goal. I want to own a legal firearm because I think my time is coming to an end.

I don't want you to go, Ann!

Sometimes we get stuck in places we don't want to be, both in our heads and in our lives. Things do change, though, and can change. Just because this one thing fell through doesn't mean you aren't useful and valued. It's plausible that you are catastrophising because this one thing fell through and you were really working yourself up to be ready and engaged in it?

Can we help you find some other options? You're quite useful here, and I appreciate your posts every single time I read them. I'm not just blowing smoke up your skirt, either.