I would just like to die

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My entire life has been harsh as I have always seemed to be different but couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t make friends and why I was treated so badly by classmates. It just seemed that I was wired completely different and unable to relate and become friends with others. This made me depressed and my high school years weren’t my golden years like most students. To this day, I think I should have committed suicide back in high school since I’m now in a situation where it would cause serious problems for others. In high school, it wouldn’t be as traumatic for those who supposedly loved me.

I don't understand the direction of my life. I'm supposed to be an extremely intelligent individual with Aspergers, yet I have this laziness complex and my grades do not reflect that. I don't know what I am, what I'm good at, what I really even am to be honest. This whole Asperger thing is such a f*****g curse. I can't get along well with people, I don't have a girlfriend or any other friends, I suck at college, and I just pretty much suck at life. This accursed Aspergers is just simply killing me.

My life is a living hell as a result of Aspergers and I feel like I should just simply die rather than move on and continue fighting because I don't have the resources to cope up with any more pain like this anymore. Life f*****g sucks, and I would rather die than move on.

I doubt that high school is the golden years for the vast majority of people.

The only people I can think of for which it is typically their golden years is for bullies who don't grow up. For most people, I think that life gets better after high school.

There are plenty of us underachievers. Don't let your grades get you down.

FYI, I'm a college student.

Very few of us know who we are and what we should or should not be doing at 20 years old. How bad are your grades? Are you failing college? Underachievers down here in Australia have a saying, 'P's make degrees.' A P is a Pass, sort of like a D in the USA. If you are passing, you are moving towards some goal (graduation).

Plenty of us don't know what we want to do until after college, or even change course midlife. I was a qualified horticulturist for a long while, but got sick and can't be in the sun anymore, so am back at uni at 46. If I had offed myself when I was terribly depressed at 20, I sure would have missed out on a lot of positive things in life.

Are you depressed clinically? Have you considered meds? SSRI meds changed my life when I was 21. It's a hard age to be, for anybody. There is a lot of pressure to 'do something' but did you know our brains aren't even fully developed until we are 25? Can you give yourself a few more years on the planet before throwing in the towel? How can we help?

When I was your age, I was flunking out of college. I didn't know I had asperger's back then. I just thought I was lazy. To this day, even though I have a college degree, I have never successfully taken a full courseload (4 or 5 classes at a time). I cannot multi-task. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Once I learned about my AS and started working with it, I started to get better at college. It took me 11 years, but I graduated. I offer my story as hope. Do they have a student counseling center at your school, somebody they can hook you up with to help you with your school work? If school isn't going well, you could probably get a job. I know a lot of people who dropped out of college, started working, then went back later. I know other people who have never completed college but found success with the world of work anyway. I know how you feel. I have been there myself, but I hope you don't give up. It isn't the end of the world because you are doing poorly in school right now.