I may as well paint a target on my forehead.

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People have been taking advantage of me for as long as I can remember.

I try to set some very clear boundaries for myself. People violate those boundaries time and time again. If I try to enforce those boundaries, I get labeled as being unempathetic and selfish because I do not want people to continue taking advantage of me. The people who take advantage of me are "very unhappy", so apparently that gives them the right to be total c***s when they talk to me.

And when I do let people take advantage of me, it's my fault that they do these things because I am "such an easy target". I just cannot win at this.

I am so codependent that I do not want to hurt anybody, and I admit that I let people treat me like s**t because it often is a better alternative than risking a confrontation where I would only end up being knocked down horribly by everybody I know in my real-world situation.

But I feel like anybody can do whatever they want with me, and it would only make the situation worse if I tried to stand up for myself in the face of that.

I had to learn how to stand up for myself in my teens. I had to actually be forced to do it by a friend before I would even try. It's hard, and it takes time to feel comfortable with it, but nothing will ever change until you do.

Pick something small and then make yourself stand up to someone else. Realize that it may not work the first time, but don't let that stop you. Keep standing up for yourself and eventually it starts working. Once you start doing it, you will wonder how you ever got by before.

Good luck.

I read somewhere a long time ago: "It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees"

If you do tell them no and they reject you, the rejection is real and they were probably going to reject you just the same, though if you give in they can still reject and have the added benefit of getting what they wanted from you.

Keep in mind, when you chose to get healing for yourself everyone was used to having the dumb fat king around and didn't like that you upset the status quo. Consciously or not, they're trying to get back the chaos that went away with the Old You. They're stuck in the drama until they choose recovery for themselves.

Maybe you can evoke a less strict set of boundaries that don't give them cause to project yet can demonstrate that you're going to stay on your own side of the street and mean it.

A properly constructed set of boundaries are good for them too

I somewhat have similar issues to that...however its not so much people necessarily taking advantage on purpose. I just end up feeling responsible for people so I obligate myself to things I am really not up for and then try not to get grumpy when I go and do whatever it is that I didn't want to in the first place. Though there have been people who have purposely taken advantage and I always feel stupid about not really realising it till after the fact.

Thanks for the responses.

I think what I need to learn how to do is to show myself some respect. There are people in my life who respect me and enjoy my companionship, and I feel the same way about them. But I need to learn how to respect myself and how to enjoy my own companionship. Otherwise, this will never end.

Emiliano Zapata. Google him. That quote was what I put under my photo in my high school yearbook. Len needs to get used to telling people no, and sticking to it, despite what crap they throw at you.

The problem is more the people you meet. Real friends will lift you up and try to help you be a better person, the people who manipulate you and take advantage of your anxiety are a huge waste of your time.

I have learned that people will take advantage of me, even the ones who seem shy & nice. It's not really fair to just blame myself, but I absolutely have learned I need to learn from these experiences. I need to learn when a "no" is warranted and when to say no to someone, and I also need to be sure to recognize the signs of someone taking advantage of me. It's amazing how many people there are out there who will take advantage of someone with anxiety, just hang in there, there are good people out there in the world. The more it's happened to you the more you can learn to recognize it.

I am aware that there are many great people out in the world. I have made massive strides thanks to the support circle I have built for myself, and I am thankful that I get to be there for the people who have helped to build me up, as well.

However.....

I still have a blood family that is hammering into me that they believe that I am a ridiculously selfish and unempathetic individual because I decided to sever ties with a woman who was outright stalking me for several years. This included peeking in my window and spying on me, calling me ten times in fifteen minutes when I didn't answer the phone, and always it was because she was begging me for money that I could not afford to give to her. Some people are telling me that it is "very sad" that I cut her out of my life. I fail to see what is so sad about that. I now can open my blinds during the day, because this woman knows if she tries to contact me again, I will not hesitate to contact the police.

Seriously, whenever I was in public with this woman and I tried making small talk with somebody at the bus stop or on the street, she would jump down my neck telling me that nobody wanted to talk to me, then she would apologize to those people, telling them that I "have an intellectual disability". She was just pissed off that I was paying some attention to people other than her, frankly. I know that many people like talking with me. I know I do not have an intellectual disability. I think I can tell when people do not want to talk with me pretty well. It is a skill I had to learn, but if I can learn it, anybody can.

Meanwhile, people in my family are telling me that it is a sign of maturity to always say "yes" when I want to say "no". That putting the desires of others before my own needs is a sign of being a responsible adult, and that all responsible adults are devoid of boundaries. Frankly, I do not see that working out all that well for everybody else in my family currently.

Sounds like their personalities are flawed, not yours. I've been in situations like this many times. And do you know what? I'll not be fighting them any longer. It is futile. You cannot make others like you, for whatever reason they apparently don't like you. It ain't that you necessarily did anything to warrant that attitude from others. Some people are just sh***y and we just got to find people that relate more to ourselves.

Honestly, there is not one person on the planet that does not have a flawed personality. That's what keeps things interesting.

I was once a child who was stripped of all his defenses. But things are different now, and I can choose not to remain in the same headspace of that child anymore.

Of course, I can't switch this off like it were a lamp.

But, like all things that are worthwhile in life, it is an uphill march that I think I want to keep pushing through. Remaining in the victim mentality is comfortable, but all it has to offer is familiar misery. Building confidence is uncomfortable, but it also offers such exciting prospects the further I get up that hill that it seems to be a smarter move in my case.

It helps in my case that I have an excellent therapist, as well as an excellent support circle in my real-life 12-step circles. In the world of recovery, very few people give a damn about my Asperger traits (in the sense that I am just another recovering addict worthy of being one of their peers), and I am grateful for that.