You're a f**k up and your going to suffer in old age

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I've felt a very strong desire to end my life and take others with me over the past couple of months. I've went almost half a year constantly doing nothing. Just getting up, not following my workout routine, and feeling genuinely s**t. 19 was my worst year of life on record. The latter part of 20 isn't turning out to be that much better. I dropped out of school, again. Sabotaged about 4 friendships. Willingly, albeit I was a jackass. Obsessing over death daily. I realized that there's no way out of my predicament. The worst part of this is having to deal with failing health in later years.

I don't think I WANT to live past 30. Why would I? With my condition and then the decline of the body. I don't even know if putting in any effort is worth it at this point if my condition will MAKE ME f**k up either way. What's the point?

I'm umemployed, have nothing to my name, live with my parents, have no money, etc.

I don't think doing the normal thing and getting a job would make my life any better though.

I blame my parents. I will always have resentment for them, solely for having me at not 100% function. Sometimes I make it my goal to inflict as much emotional pain as possible.

I can't wait for death.

...Geez...........

sounds like me.. i've literally done nothing for like 4 yrs though.. on top of life being a joke for me my balls are infected and are constantly in pain and has gone on to spread and f up my legs etc. as well.. not going into too much of a rant but things aren't looking good right now.. not at all

Spread your infection to others via sex. Make it fun at least.

maybe if it would be enjoyable for me.. right now it wouldn't and i'm no masochist.

Heres what I learned in life. You never know what's going to happen in the future. Who knows 3-4 years from now, you could be living a very happy life. You just have to wait it out. You can't predict your own future.

Also never kill yourself. Because killing yourself is selfish, imagine how your parents and people who know you would feel? You would give them terrible agony. Do you really want to do this to your parents? Life ain't ever easy but you still gotta try to find a way to keep going on.

You better not kill anyone either. Do you really want to end the life of others? You can't take it back, and someone will be hurt from someones death. People will only remember you as a killer and most will dehumanise you just like they do to most killers. Finally we dont need anyone else ruining the aspies reputation. All it takes is one more killer with Aspergers and we'll all be branded as killers. I dont think you want that to happen.

1. I DO know what's going to happen in my future, thanks to my condition.

2. Killing yourself isn't selfish. It's my life and I should be able to choose to end it if I please. People are selfish FOR having children and then expecting them to conform to a world that doesn't treat you nicely if you are different in appearance or ideal. I shouldn't have to work to pay taxes for a society that I;

a) Couldn't give two f***s about
b) Don't really want to be apart of

Why would I want to keep an oppressive system going? That's why I steal whenever I can.

Are you asking for help or not?

listen to this

It's probably worth taking a step back before writing on a public forum that you have the desire to kill others. You could land yourself in all sorts of trouble with such a statement.

If it wasn't for your parents you wouldn't be here. See how you feel about them when they're dead.

Also - the world owes you nothing. What steps have you taken to improve your own situation? You should stop blaming others for the 'mess' you have - many people would be thankful for such a situation.

Darkphantomx1 was trying to help you - show some thankfulness.

are you getting treatment?

if not, why not?

The future is very hard to predict. You can sorta see the trend but not the details. That's me speaking as a hobby fortune teller. When I think about my life 30 years back, or 20 years back, I would have never envisioned my life right now. Some good stuff happened, some bad stuff happened, some very weird stuff happened. Still it's mostly an interesting experience. I've known quite a few people who had horrible health in their 20s and 30s and later got over the hump and recovered just fine. I have a great uncle who was so sick in his 20s they already booked a coffin and funeral service for him. He recovered, married a wonderful women, had 6 children and taught school all his life (later became principle of the school). He is 91 now and still fine. Nearly all the old people have had illnesses, bad injury and really depressing situations during their life. If they gave up then they wouldn't have enjoyed all the goodness that came later. My grandma lost 6 of her children in her 20s, was dirt poor, had poor health, and a horrible relationship with her husband. It was also the WWII and the Japanese were raiding and bombing their village at times. At the time there was absolutely nothing positive in her outlook. But that passed, the war ended. Her husband separated from her and she joined workforce herself. Eventually the remaining children grew up and one of them exceled in school and became a scientist (my dad). He took her to live with him in big cities, and eventually came to Canada. She thought heaven couldn't have been nicer than living here. By now she has outlived her husband by 54 years.

I know it's hard to think positively sometimes. I'm actually in a very bad mood tonight because my arm was injured, I quarreled with my parents (on Chinese New Year's day) and also feel a cold coming. With practice you can change your view and attitude. Right now you should get help. There are many options out there and help available when you feel this bad. I was astounded about the amount of help my brother got after he got into mental hospital. Life's got many ups and downs and I hope you're just suffering from the low point. If you wish to you can PM me and I can calculate your birth chart, and see the general trend.

Moved from General Autism Discussion.

Well if you're going to go down, you don't go down a quitter. You fight if you have to and if you go down, you go down valiantly. With suicide you don't go down valiantly, and it will be devastating to the people who know you. Contribute to the world by being nice and helpful to others. The world needs more people who are friendly to others. Life is rough and some people have it more difficult than others but thats no excuse to simply give up. Did Michael Jordan ever give up? No he pushed himself to be the best person he could be. Be the best person you can be with the cards you've been dealt, then you will be better.

The guilt tripping thing never works for feeling suicidal....usually if someone is contemplating suicide it is because they are in terrible agony, its something done to ones-self to end the misery. So calling it selfish makes no real sense...is it being selfish if say you break your leg and are cringing in pain too much to move out of the walk way you're in so you're not in other peoples way who are trying to walk through that spot? I just never get why when it comes to feeling suicidal...it's always about everyone else and how horrible it would be for them if you do it, while entirely ignoring the possibility that the suicidal person could very well be in worse pain than their loved ones or whatever would feel in their passing(maybe not to, but hey).

That said I don't 'condone' suicide....nor taking others with if one does attempt, so I agree with you there...though I certainly have had thoughts like that in the past, because of frustration of getting bullied so I cannot judge to harsh for having rageful thoughts like that when you're fed up....but acting on it is another thing, best to try and get some help first same with suicide. Also I blame idiocy for people deciding one person of a specific type doing something violent...means everyone who shares a similarity with that individual will do the same.

To the OP, I recommend getting help....go to the ER if you gotta, at least it gives you time to re-evaluate and be somewhere you can't harm yourself/others. I cannot say 'it get's better' but you never know if you might find something worth existing for, or if maybe some areas will improve...I have attempted suicide and have since thought of it but thus far I've managed to find ways to continue existing and in some ways there have been improvments, though my over-all life has not significantly gotten better really.

Well if you are in fact 'disabled' by your condition you can get SSI...then you don't have to work, and you can 'steal' from society that screwed you over, though obviously this does not exclude you from sales tax however. Not that I think looking at it spitefully is the best way to go but if it helps....and I don't actually think getting disability income is stealing.