why do they do this?

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Why do some people approach you and talk to you and say nice things to you in person, but if you send them a message in writing for whatever reason, they ignore you? And these same people would never ignore you in person, but seem to have no qualms about ignoring you in writing? I need to get it through my head that the things that are important to me, actually have no meaning for others. And I need to not reach out to people that way because I always choose the wrong ones. I seem to trust the wrong people. Do I read that people are interested in me when they really aren't? Why do people insist on talking to you just to be nice but not really mean it? Ignoring someone in person can be accidental or not intended to be rude. But ignoring a written correspondence and not answering can be only intentional, barring loss of the message before it was delivered. And this rudeness and rejection is considered okay as evidenced by the frequency with which this occurs.

Maybe it is just me this happens to. I expect it anymore from peers who knew me as a kid, teenager and college student. But it's worse when it comes from someone who is older and should be mature enough not to do something so selfish or mean. I shouldn't let it hurt me or make me feel "less than" I am, but it does. It burns every time because I like to think I am choosing a good person, and I think about it for months before I do so that I can do it the way I want, the way they might prefer, and when I am ready. I don't do this easily. I don't do it flippantly. Why do some people who act all friendly and warm to you in person, want nothing to do with you in writing? To me, if a person doesn't respond or can't handle me in writing or writing to them, it makes their in-person friendliness and warmth obsolete. It means they aren't interested at all. Does it make their social overtures fake or does it just mean that they can't handle communications in writing? That they don't know how to or don't get anything out of written communication themselves so they don't engage in it? Does it make them that uncomfortable? Do they think it doesn't hurt the person to ignore them in writing? These same people would never ignore you in person. I don't understand this kind of neglect of others. I don't understand this lack of thought or understanding. It disgusts me. It hurts me. Does no one get this?

I did this three times within the last year or so and was ignored all times. Maybe the last one just hasn't gotten it yet or can't think what to say yet. The first was an apology, the second was asking someone for an address for a certain location that was not her address but an organization we were both associated with since she still has contact with them, and the third was asking for personal information about myself. I can understand why someone would not want to respond to an apology, though I don't know why they would not respond to it. I guess I don't understand that sort of childish behavior and then to block me on FB. What is that? You have to resort to blocking? People are bat-crazy. And then, for the other person, just totally ignore a simple request for an address so I can return something that doesn't belong to me? There were other things that were annoying me about this person (constant postings of selfies, etc) and after her ignoring the address request, I just unfriended her. I was done. Maybe that was petty of me, but I was just tired of the attitude, arrogance, and conceitedness. And how hard is it to simply answer and give the address or say she doesn't know. This is common courtesy. The last one... I just don't know. This was someone old enough to be my mother. I just don't get the two-sidedness of it. I would ignore my father's emails if he had my address because I am not interested in end-of-the-world conspiracies and prophecies and that's what he writes about, pages and pages of it. But I think my things are different than that. Maybe I creep people out. I used to think that and feel horrible about myself. But maybe the reality is that some people are just rude and/or careless or selfish or just mean.

I am normally courteous and polite to people I meet in the course of attending this and that. Some of them follow this up by requesting me to "friend" them on Facebook and I don't mind them asking though usually I decline.

My private life is very private now, I have firm boundaries around it, and I alone want to choose who comes into that inner circle of my life.

If someone I barely knew emailed me out of the blue, it would depend - if they were seeking a specific answer to some question they had - as happened recently when someone who is disabled was looking for an agency who could help him connect with suitable employment - I am happy to reply and offer what assistance I can; however if it's someone looking to socialise, whom I barely know, I reply saying politely that I wish them well though I don't want to add new friends to my life right now as I barely keep up with the ones I have. I rarely completely ignore someone unless they are total strangers who contact me for trivial reasons.

I still have a hard time with this. I deactivated FB because of it, too. I always feel as though I am being rude or insensitive when I don't accept friend requests there, especially when the request is one another friend suggested. My last awful experience on FB was with a friend another friend suggested. I kept her on there only because of that, and in the end she was incredibly ableist and told me my autism was 'a crock'. I'm still working on my boundary issues, because putting up boundaries still makes me feel like I'm being rude and insensitive to other people. So much for 'no empathy' I guess.

You guys are way ahead of me. I've barely ever even looked at FB, much less gotten an account.

Not too long ago my friend was trying to show me a pic somebody posted on her (wall?) and she had to scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll (make that scroll to the 25th power). It literally made me dizzy and stressed out to think of having to deal with all of that. Oik. I'm a sissy!

So QuiversWhiskers (great name!) maybe that's what the deal is with the people you are contacting. I think that just because somebody gets on FB, doesn't really mean that they want to or are obligated to have large social circles. That doesn't mean you are wrong to ask though, it never hurts to try.

It's become a lot worse now that it's all marketing and algorithm-based. I had an account from 2009, and prior to that was on Myspace for a couple of years. FB has gotten so bad now one barely sees what friends are posting in the 'news feed' anymore, and there's way too much input from 'friends of friends' there, no matter what settings you choose. You know, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your friends friends. That's where it all goes pear shaped for me.

I much prefer my life without FB. I get enough 'social' through here and appreciate it a whole lot more. Plus I like that I'm not used as a marketing ploy to make more money here, and that I'm not going to see advertisements based on the things I purchase online. It's quite bizarre, that FB.

I didn't send friend requests to the two I messaged without being friends already on FB. I felt weird sending them a friend request thinking that might be presumptuous of me or be too forward or maybe they wouldn't want to be friends and didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. Kind of like, "Hey, I want to say these things or ask about these things but we don't have to go so far as being FB friends whew I can see all your stuff.

I quit FB for about a year or more. Realized how much I was on it and how truly petty so much of it was and was tired of some of the depression it gave me, looking at people's pictures. Got back on it recently and regularly because I was so out of the loop with friends' events since people use FB for so much communication.