Update: feeling better

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I have depression with a seasonal pattern. I ALWAYS have an episode of major depression during the winter no matter what I do. The days are getting longer. I am no longer struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts everyday. It makes me curious when this switch over from depressed to not-depressed takes place each year, "How can my personality change so much? and how come I can't see how crazy I am getting? All the negative thoughts seems so rational when I am depressed? How can all of this just vanish so suddenly?" It is strange how an emotional state can change how you view reality so much.

Glad you're feeling better. It is true that you're frame of mind can completely alter your experiences. I try to keep a "beginner's mind" about me, but I'm not usually successful.

It's all chemistry. Not enough light - that brain slows down. Eventually they'll make sun in a pill and we'll all be happy little snow campers.
But this last winter really effected me.

OP likely suffers from SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. People with SAD get depressed in winter due to lack of sunlight. While they don't have sun in a pill (yet), they DO have lamps that mimic the amount of light that we get from the sun. I've seen them for sale. OP should look for them, I don't know what they're called, but I've seen them. OP's SAD seems really bad if he/she is thinking about suicide, he/she should definitely consider a sun lamp.