mental hospital

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I am strongly considering checking myself into a hospital for a psychiatric eval. I am not suicidal this second, but that can flip in a millisecond. Since finding out how angry family was when I was still in remission in November, and at the same time discovering that the person who spread lies and said I was faking breast cancer, was not the family member I suspected, but one that I love, it has been so hard. Their words, "If you just effing die LJ and Bobby and everyoe else would be so much better off," come crashig into my mind and I start believing them. Then I catch my reason but I am afraid I will not catch myself in time at some point. BTW, AutHaven went well.

You could always just participate in an outpatient program. Unless you really believe you are a danger to yourself, or others, or could do for a leave of absence from your current environment. I know the feeling of always being on the edge of suicidal thoughts, but how dangerous are they really to you? You have made it this far, what makes the next moment any different from the previous.

I knew your family was evil. Any people who would pay a teen girl a large sum of money to stay mum about being raped, then turn around and spread ugly lies about that girl because "she doesn't deserve that money, and she wanted it anyway" (paraphrasing), are evil. But to tell somebody who is suicidal that the suicidal person's family would be a lot better off without them is a whole other level of evil. In fact, it might be criminally evil. Recently a 17 year old girl was arrested because she'd been talking with a suicidal guy, and she persuaded him to actually go through with it to the point of telling him to stay in his carbon monoxide filled truck when he wanted to leave, which then killed him. She was charged with voluntary manslaughter. If you killed yourself, they could be charged similarly.

Glad to hear authaven went well.. anyways, yeah, mental hospitals are generally a last resort. Unless you feel you're truly a danger to yourself, seeing a therapist is a lot better. mental hospitals usually just shove pills down your throat then send you on your way with a HUGE bill.

If what pezar is saying is true, that's really fed up.

Mental hospitals are sort of like a mini-vacation. They aren't so bad. It sounds better than your family anyways.

Mental hospitals really suck but the upside is you meet a lot of people like yourself so you might be able to relate to some of the patients. The staff generally suck but that goes without saying.

It's great to see you're at least physically doing better. Wish I could've made it to AutHaven, I've been working and studying technology for a year + lately so healthy enlightening things such as your work have taken a back burner for me. In some ways I think I know how you feel, now even more than years past my parents have prioritized my professional life and 'marketability' over my health and sanity. It rarely gets quite as ugly as you described here but the elusiveness of any kind of resolution is the norm for a lot of us. One thing that's saved me a lot of trouble is leaving conflicts alone and pointing out when others are using me as a go-between for their disputes. I do my best to stay away from BS like this and to avoid making decisions with bad starting points in my reasoning - such as your family's unhinged insults. Take the time you need to yourself so you can diverge from their madness and get some fresh air.

Seems to me like you should be trying to send some of your family to mental hospitals instead of yourself.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Mental hospitals are evil. At least in Europe due to low success rates and that people are more likely to commit suicide there than outside.

I would strongly recommend asking the hospital what kind of programs and counseling is available for inpatients. In some of them there is no counseling and no programs provided of any kind. Then they become lock-ups where you are only given pills and watched while you suffer by yourself. Also once they admit you, you generally can't leave until they decide they want to release you. The hospital which is in my local area is so bad that it's worse than useless and I decided it was probably better to suffer at home if I was going to suffer anyhow.

Yes, make sure the mental hospital you go to is good to its patients!! Ask about the code of ethics and obtain a copy, etc. and ask if there is a phone number posted on the unit to call if the code of ethics is violated. Also, check the laws for mental inpatients where you are.