Do you ever want to kill yourself...and then.

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There's people who care and would be at least would be very upset....so you can't help rethink it. But no matter how many times you rethink it you realize, its never going to get better even if you actual physical situation improves. So you still want to kill yourself but you don't because you don't want to hurt those people...but if these people where not in your life you would have much less hesitation to do it? How long can the I don't want to hurt those close to me ward off the suicidal thinking? I personally would be about ready to check out if it wasn't for that.

i hope someone replies to you who can help you feel better. i wish i could.

I know exactly how you feels.
I have gone through a phase where if it wasn't for how my death would affect those who care about me I probably would have done it.
The thing is that living without a proper motivation (or for reasons that revolves around other people more than on yourself) is always dangerous. The depression will always be there and the feeling that death would do good for you never truly leaves.
I'm really bad at advices about this so I wish I had more to say to you, but sadly I don't.
I hope you find your way to get better!

Hope you're feeling a bit better Sweetleaf, I see a lot of your posts here on WP and I rather like you. At least you do have people that care about you. I never really had severe depression as such, but suffered for several years with post traumatic stress-induced depression. This was a really bad time for me and the only thing that kept me going without losing my mind was writing. This was long before I was diagnosed, but indirectly it led to my being diagnosed, which helped me cope better.

Keep doing stuff that makes you feel better: hobbies or whatever your interests are. Ensure you get out in the sun enough and that you eat a well balanced diet, avoiding foods with too many preservatives and colourings. Do you find your current medications helpful?

Remember too we are here to support each other through the hard times!

Yeah when i was majorly depressed that's what i often thought. I wished there was a off switch or something would magically make everybody forget you.

Im not entirely sure how i ended up overcoming it, i still am depressed from time to time but nothing like i was. I had one close friend who was really helpful - she knew everything there wast one thing i didn't keep from her. She gave me some great advice and i did the odd thing in my free time like new hobbies getting back into video games etc.

I did go on some medication temporary but it didn't help, i was promised counseling that never happened and the GP i had was so cold. So i didn't go back,My Mistake i know i should have got a different gp. It was just so hard to go in the firstplace and then every-time i wanted to go again in the future everything was booked and they dont book in advance. I did get an appointment but on the way i had a car crash and then 6 months of whiplash so ive only just been thinking about going again.

But its nothing what it use to be a lot of days i feel fine. Im sorry i dont have a page or more of great advice for you man.

idk I feel that my death might be better for those around me. they'd be free of me.
I worry I'd made a mistake though. then i'd die slowly afraid and alone which scares me.


hugs

I have thought about suicide a fair amount, recently. The worst feeling is knowing that my 93-year-old mother would spend her last months -- or years -- blaming herself for being a burden on me. I would never be able to inflict that pain on her, so I keep going.

Consider those feelings you have for those who love you a positive thing. Things may seem hopeless, but you far too young to have any idea what great things lie in store for you. Keep trying to find happiness and fulfillment wherever you find it. When you least expect it, the pieces can sometimes fall together.

If the desire for death is strong, try seeking medical advice. Sometimes the problems are too much to deal with them alone.

Thank you all...and I don't even feel that terribly bad lately, so not sure why this is on my mind to such an extent. But yeah not concerned about trying anything, don't really have the motivation for that anyways. But yeah as far as I can tell I'll just have to take it day by day....get past it as usual. I will certainly seek medical advice if it gets worse and I develop any actual urge to attempt anything. I am also likely moving this month or next month which stresses me out a little even though its a good thing, sort of a step forward, so could just be feeling a little overwhelmed as well.

The main reason why I don't kill myself is the fear that I will fail but end up a vegetable or totally crippled and helpless and dependent on others to survive. I'm big into self-reliance and survivalism, so the idea of being helpless and in a wheelchair and dependent on low-IQ, minimum wage home care workers to do daily chores, all because I tried to kill myself, really terrifies me. Most methods of suicide are either a) ineffective but do major damage but not enough damage to kill you or b) result in a slow painful death over weeks. Both are unacceptable to me. With the systems that most people depend on nearing collapse, the last thing I want to do is become more dependent on those systems than I already am.

Well gee even if people care, it doesn't mean ones existence benefits them....or stop people from wanting you to magically be a somewhat different person. There are the fears mentioned in the post just before this one that help to hold me back since the 'people care' thing doesn't really help.

Here's the thing - I've been here and this is more or less my universal response to such a big ass existential question; it's not only that people who know each other well care, it's that all of us, even the despondent ones, care about what everyone knows. It's not particularly communal, but our society places tremendous value on what people can teach one another. So much so that I've made quite a lot of professional and voluntary progress despite possessing a bare minimum of formal education. A really good buddy of mine, along with me, suffers brutal depression & anxiety (we both have pretty sketchy home lives) and we formed a consensus around this; there's too much we can do for our respective fields of work and too many tough lessons we've learned in the worst ways we can pass along to upcoming generations so they can be spared some of this pressure. People depriving each other of knowledge & wisdom hurts me more than anything and I'm in a position to do lots of good work to change that.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I was there once, and thought about it, however that is as far as I ever got. I will say it is not easy to get out of it, but the feeling can go away over time.

I'm really sorry you're feeling down, right now, Sweetleaf. I don't want you to do anything to yourself, cuz I really enjoy reading your posts (I can tell you really think, before you respond) and feel you make a really good contribution, here----besides, I always get a little chuckle when you don't realize a thread's been necroed, and quote someone that posted 5 years ago! (wink)

Sending you GOOD vibes.....

Hi C Cat, Sweetleaf may be moving soon and maybe a change of environment will help her feel better:

viewtopic.php?t=284433&start=15


I do hope it works out OK for you should you go for this new shared place, Sweetleaf! Here's to your happiness ans health! (even if it's just coffee... )

We're sorry to hear that.



Sweet Pea hugs



I felt that way in my teens and 20s.