Now apparently my little brother wants to kill himself

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L_Holmes
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02 Apr 2015, 2:02 pm

He told this to my sister (the one that tried to kill herself several months ago, but she is doing better now). I guess he told her not to tell anyone, but she told my mom, and my mom told me. I knew he'd said something like "Life sucks, I would seriously want to die." once when we were talking on the phone but that was a while ago.

Now my mom is asking me to help somehow. But what the heck can I do? I want to kill myself too, so telling him not to would make me a hypocrite. I don't think any of my family knows this about me though.


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Sino
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02 Apr 2015, 6:28 pm

Steering him away from suicide with the standard platitudes would indeed be hypocritical, and you might not be able to do a convincing job of it anyway (given your own inclinations).

Would he consider moving in with you? Perhaps you could both support each other to make it through the days - not through prayer or cheerful encouragements, but simply by being there.



L_Holmes
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02 Apr 2015, 6:41 pm

Sino wrote:
Steering him away from suicide with the standard platitudes would indeed be hypocritical, and you might not be able to do a convincing job of it anyway (given your own inclinations).

Would he consider moving in with you? Perhaps you could both support each other to make it through the days - not through prayer or cheerful encouragements, but simply by being there.

I told him he could move in with me, the only problem is the distance (he'd be moving 2000 miles) and the size (I'm in a tiny studio apartment). I'm pretty sure that they'd be ok with another person, it's just a matter of having a tiny living space. So I don't know if it would work out. If I was in a one bedroom place I'd definitely tell him to live here, but unless that's possible for me to do without breaking my lease I don't know.


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Sino
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02 Apr 2015, 6:58 pm

See if you can find out. I feel the best thing for the both of you is to have the company - although my opinion, of course, and you're free to take it or leave it as you will.



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03 Apr 2015, 1:24 am

Hey L_Holmes.

That is kind of you to offer your brother a place to live, but the both of you should consider a few things before seriously diving into it. For instance, how long has it been since you two have lived together? How was that experience? Did you get along well? Did you have any communication issues? Are there any unresolved issues between you and your brother that may be bothering you? Just think about it; there's no need to actually respond back.

This could be a beneficial thing for the both of you, supporting each other and such, as Sino suggested. However, even if you have the best intentions to help him, it's possible you may end up hurting your relationship especially if you don't communicate well with each other.


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L_Holmes
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04 Apr 2015, 4:12 pm

Well, apparently he thinks I'm a loser, so whatever.


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05 Apr 2015, 11:07 am

If you live together it might be better because both wouldn't be alone and would have someone be with them.



Sino
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05 Apr 2015, 6:46 pm

L_Holmes wrote:
Well, apparently he thinks I'm a loser, so whatever.

Is that right now, or ten years ago? Did he respond to your offer with this?



L_Holmes
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05 Apr 2015, 7:06 pm

Sino wrote:
L_Holmes wrote:
Well, apparently he thinks I'm a loser, so whatever.

Is that right now, or ten years ago? Did he respond to your offer with this?

No, he literally called me a loser on the phone yesterday. Basically we were talking, and I told him I tried weed (some guy came over and gave it to me for free and so I tried it out of curiosity), and then he said I'm a loser, with a "crappy job", "crappy apartment" who is "doing drugs". And also that I have a kitten, that apparently makes me a loser.

And the dumb thing is that when he was 15 he tried chewing tobacco, which I never called him a loser about. I've never called him a loser for anything. And I also found out today from my sister that he actually smoked weed recently too (obviously before me), and he's also younger than me. So how the heck does that make sense for him to call me a loser? He started going off about how he will get a better job than me.


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L_Holmes
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05 Apr 2015, 7:09 pm

I don't see how I have a crappy job making $1300 a month. It's not a lot of course but it's a full-time job that is enough for me to live on and hopefully get ready to go back to college in the future.


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Sino
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07 Apr 2015, 4:05 am

L_Holmes wrote:
I don't see how I have a crappy job making $1300 a month. It's not a lot of course but it's a full-time job that is enough for me to live on and hopefully get ready to go back to college in the future.

His response seems reactionary, to be honest. I don't know your brother - obviously - but if I had to take a shot in the dark, I'd say that he was probably trying to make himself feel better at your expense. (At least, that's the most optimistic guess. Aside from that, he either genuinely believes you're a loser or is taking the long way around to declining a stay at your apartment - among others.)

Do your interactions with your brother frequently take this kind of turn? You can hold out that offer of letting him stay at your place regardless, but Beau has raised some good points. You'll have to raise the question of interpersonal space at some point if the both of you plan to go through with this arrangement.



Aniihya
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07 Apr 2015, 7:46 pm

A full time job at 1300 dollars. That is very little. I was working full time and got about 2100 dollars a month and I was sort of having financial problems.



L_Holmes
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07 Apr 2015, 8:17 pm

Aniihya wrote:
A full time job at 1300 dollars. That is very little. I was working full time and got about 2100 dollars a month and I was sort of having financial problems.

I'm only 19, what do you expect me to make? I have no education right now besides a high school diploma and I have no job experience worth noting on a resume specifically (besides this one, which will allow me to get better jobs in the future as I will have a good amount of experience with woodworking, specifically finishing). Up until now I've been having to apply for entry level positions. Finally I found this one which will give me useful experience.


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L_Holmes
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07 Apr 2015, 8:21 pm

And that is $1300 net income after taxes. Before taxes it's $1600-$1700.


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L_Holmes
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07 Apr 2015, 8:32 pm

Sino wrote:
L_Holmes wrote:
I don't see how I have a crappy job making $1300 a month. It's not a lot of course but it's a full-time job that is enough for me to live on and hopefully get ready to go back to college in the future.

His response seems reactionary, to be honest. I don't know your brother - obviously - but if I had to take a shot in the dark, I'd say that he was probably trying to make himself feel better at your expense. (At least, that's the most optimistic guess. Aside from that, he either genuinely believes you're a loser or is taking the long way around to declining a stay at your apartment - among others.)

Do your interactions with your brother frequently take this kind of turn? You can hold out that offer of letting him stay at your place regardless, but Beau has raised some good points. You'll have to raise the question of interpersonal space at some point if the both of you plan to go through with this arrangement.

He has been known to be a jerk for no reason before, but that was years ago. We haven't lived together since I was 12 but I figured he grew out of it by now. Guess not.

I texted him about it, and basically explained how he was being a hypocrite calling me a loser. We texted for a while and I've basically come to the conclusion that he's just bitter and feeling sorry for himself. He doesn't accept help or suggestions, is mean to people, yet acts like it's just life's fault that he doesn't have friends. He complained that he's not close with anyone, like me because I'm far away, or our sister, because "I don't feel like there's much of a relationship there." I said well do you ever hang out or talk much, and he said no. So I said, why don't you go over to her place and do stuff sometimes? Like play video games or watch a movie (which we all used to do all the time, it's not like they have an awkward relationship). He literally just said, "Nah." Well what the heck? Who the heck complains that they have no friends and nobody likes them when they just avoid others?


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Aniihya
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07 Apr 2015, 8:42 pm

I am not that much older than you. I turn 24 tomorrow.