Complex family matter issues

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I can't seem to get my head around this issue, hence this topic. ( Hope it is not TL;DR )

Since the age of 8 or 9 I basically know I'm different. I was, and sometimes still am, clumsy. I absolutely hate social interactions in larger groups and I hate things I am supposed to do because they are "normal". There are more then a dozen times where I got remarks I was being an egiost and such. Now that I know I've got Asperger syndrome things have dropped into place more or less.

My whole family, both from my dads side and mom side ( my parents, brother, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, the whole 9 yards ) have a very strong tradition when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries and christmass. Up until the age of 22 when I left the house I was forced to go. When I got my own place I was still pretty much forced to come, I did that pretty much until the age when my son was born. An interesting note is that I can predict how all of these events will go in the future as everything is done always and exactly the same.

On almost all of these occasions, and I can remember almost all of them ( hence my nickname )!, it was the same story over and over again. I was there because I was supposed to be there but I had no real interaction with anyone there. I mostly ended up reading books and had to enjoy myself. Even as an adult things never really changed. Also the conversations they had with me was like I was a little kid / nephew and not on an adult level.

I had a good talk about this matter with my parents. And I told them that I would not go to these christmass "parties" anymore and rather would stay home or do something with a less "mandatory" nature. My dad took that pretty well but my mother was well lets say, not amused. I tried to explain this that I have never felt a real deep connection with almost all of my family members. I bond I do feel with both my parents, brother, my wife, son and the few friends I have.

Once or twice every year I'dd see all of my family on the birthday of my parents or on another loose occassion. And up until the last time I saw them I pretty much had the feeling that nothing was wrong and we would treat each other as acquaintances.

Recently my parents had their 40th celebration of their marriage and almost all of my family were invited. When they came in I was standing next to my parents. Some of my family members congratulated my parents, then went right past me ( ignoring me and my wife) and went to the other side of the room to congratulate my brother on one side of the room, then walk past by me again to the other side of the room congratulating the girlfriend of my brother and only then come back to the middle of the room ( still next to my parents ) to congratulate me and my wife.

Also that same evening the same family members would interfere in a conversation I and my wife had with someone else and ignoring us completely. And to put it bluntly, just would turn their backs right at us and continue the conversation without us two.

I know I have a limited set of social skills but I know this is rude to say the least.

This bothers me a lot and I have no idea what changed nor do I have an idea how to resolve this. I am very afraid that talking to my parents ( especially my mother ) will be of no use as she has a hard time separating the subject from the people involved. So pretty much what probably is going to happen is that she is going to feel offended while I only want to talk about the subject and how they feel about this.

And I have also to be honest. My writing skills and explaining things on paper is a lot easier then trying to talk about it to someone.

Does this makes any sense? Does it sound familiar in some way and/or does anyone has any idea how to solve this?

Talking and reasoning with them won't work. They won't magically start behaving properly with you once you put across your point.
Therefore, if you have to attend these get-togethers and if there are no ways you are able to prevent this, then I would suggest that you too avoid them just like they avoid you. For example, rather than talking to them or starting a conversation with them, you and your wife can start a conversation with each other ( as soon as you reach there ) and ignore other people like as if you are not even aware that there are people other than you two in the room. Keep talking with your spouse throughout the party just as you do at home when you two are alone,together.
During dinner time or meal time , just smile at the other people if they smile at you and things like that- but stick to talking with your wife /kids from the beginning of the party/get-together and don't ever leave them alone till the party ends.
People who are not much interested in interacting with you and those who ignore you do it for a reason. They may not find you or your conversation interesting or you might have poor social skills. But they also do not expect you to talk to them. So, do not try talking with them just be there and enjoy the company of your spouse/kids.
But If you are not interested in talking with your spouse continuously, then just sit back and "observe" those people like we observe animals in a zoo without interacting with them.

Good tip! Thanks.

I just thought of it. This ignoring routine might have been on going for years but maybe I didn't notice. Over the years I think my social skills have improved and that I'm now able to detect more of these subtle clues. The main problem still is that I feel lost in larger groups.

One thing I do really suck at is small talk. Interesting thing is that I can detect small talk from a mile away and the fake and insincere pleasantries that go with it. And these social gatherings never get past the exact same thing. Its small talk all over the place all the time .

I can understand this small talk thing. It is a major component of the NT world. NTs judge you and befriend you based on your ability of small talk. But I have also noticed that NTs do not expect much small talk from you as they expect you to LISTEN to their own small talk. So, even if you cannot perform small talk or do not feel like participating in small talk yet, you can "pretend" to listen to their small talk ( although everything is bound to go over your head), and that would be enough. NTs are great talkers and they need good listeners to boost their self esteem.
Like watching animals in the zoo, observe them and pretend to listen to their small talks. Who knows, you might learn a thing or two about their personalities if you adopt this method.

I perform socially to the best if my ability then find a job to do, like something food-related. Then the conversations with me are short and about the job I'm doing. As in, "What do you want in your omelet?"

If I can't do that, I hide somewhere, then come out for a 15-minute social burst, then disappear again.

If that's not an option, like at a dinner party or something, a glass of wine helps. If everyone is is drinking more than I am, it helps even more.

For small talk, it helps if you make a game out of it. There are many ways to do that, but at the most basic level, it's just looking for patterns and then testing those patterns. Sometimes I play a little mental bingo game, where I anticipate what people are going to say and get points if I'm right.

But the social anxiety is so tough to get over. If I don't take breaks I will lose my ability to communicate appropriately and I could even have a meltdown.