Abusive parents and getting a diagnosis

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Hi,

I was wondering if anyone out there could help me/give me advice. I've known for about five years that I have autism but I've always been afraid to get a diagnosis because I thought it would have a really negative effect on my future. Now that I'm older (early twenties) I feel ready to get one and I can use it to help me get the help that I need. However everywhere I've looked it says the most common method of diagnosis in my country is to get a parent to come with you and tell them about my childhood development. The problem is both my parents are emotionally abusive and they also refuse to accept that I'm anything other than NT and would skew what they say towards me not getting the diagnosis I need.

The frustrating part is that I'm not very functional and just a quick q&a with me would probably tell the person doing the diagnosis that I'm autistic. Does anyone know whether parents have to be involved or are there times when they will allow you to not have your parents involved? I don't have any siblings and I struggled to maintain friendships when I was a kid (and still do) so there's no-one else they can ask for that kind of information

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it!! !

I was diagnosed as an adult and my parents were not in any way, shape or form involved in the process... not when I met with the psychologists, psych docs, or the people at the university. My mother is an addict and my father was not really around when I was little. My mother is also abusive. I explained the situation (I think I ended up writing it... being verbal is not always my strong suit) to all of them and they worked around that. For the psychologists and psych docs, they only went off information that I had. The university people also spoke with me and my spouse. So yeah, it can be done. It does complicate things though. The university people were not sure how to dx me because there was no outside information about me. I am not sure if you have contact with family members (an aunt or grandfather or whatever) who could provide that kind of information in place of your parents... maybe get info from a neighbor who knew you or an old teacher? I think they appreciate that, but sometimes it simply is not possible. It was not possible for me. I cannot remember if they gave me the PDD NOD dx or switched me back to Aspergers. My dx has bounced around a bit, I think in part because there is no reliable information outside of me in regards to how I was as a child.

Meh. I talked a lot. I hope that made sense.

I think I will try to talk to them and see if they can work around my situation, I do have contact with my other family members but most of them either weren't around in my childhood or they're extremely ableistic and would refuse to give accurate information. As for teachers I've moved to the opposite side of the country from my home town so I doubt that would be practical...With neighbours I moved around a lot as a kid until I went to university so I never really knew any of them. Thank you though, your reply gives me hope that I can work around my situation! I might be able to get my parents to talk to the psychologists but the moment I get special help they'll take it out on me and start telling me I'm a failure all over again. Plus they won't want anyone to know about it and will force me to keep quiet :/

I'll see how it goes though, like I said thank you for your reply, it was really helpful!

I was DXd at 49 and my parents were not involved in my diagnosis, either. It was a couple days of testing of all sorts and extended interview with the psychologist. Nobody ever asked about my parents. Of course, I had already being seeing a therapist for several months, so they also had her notes and recommendations to work from.

If they had insisted on talking to my parents, it would only have helped. My Mom was kind of skeptical and puzzled when I told her I was going to be tested for a form of autism, but after the diagnosis was done, she told me all sorts of stories about my behavior as a child and how she and my Dad worried over my obvious inability to socialize with other children normally and the things they had done to try to "fix" me (most of which I remember very clearly).

I don't have a good memory of my childhood unfortunately but I've always asked my mother about what I was like growing up and she always tells me about things that fit almost perfectly into the diagnosis of autism. I think if there was a way of getting her to talk to a psychologist without her knowing it's for autism it would probably help but unfortunately she has always hated the idea of therapy generally and thinks it is something to be ashamed of so I'm not sure how that would work. My father on the other hand has always wanted me to go to therapy and hangs it over my head all the time that other family members think the same way and that I should be ashamed because I so 'desperately' need it. However he left when I was six so he's not an accurate source to ask and once again the moment I mention autism he'll either go with it and severely emotionally black-mail me, or inform everyone without my permission to try and get me shunned from my family, or he will call me a liar and refuse to help.

Basically if I can make sure they're not involved then that would be amazing but if it means a diagnosis then I'm starting to get so bad at coping because of stress that I might have to just tell them and cope with the disastrous aftermath

I would proceed without family input, were I in your situation. My two cents. The problem I ran into was that one of the university guys who spoke with me was thinking I was on the mild end of kannners type autism and another one disagreed. The one guy did not want to put kanners type in my chart without adequate info about me as a child.Not a big deal for me either way. I am what I am regardless of where I fall on the spectrum. Besides, they all agreed I was without a doubt spectrum-y. So yeah, I see no reason why you could not proceed without them. I wish you the best in this.

Thank you for your input and advice it was super helpful and put a lot of my worries to rest! Hopefully it will go ok and I won't need to have my parents involved in the slightest, I suppose all I can do for now is just go for it and hope for the best.

Hmm maybe speak to your GP? It's possible you're autistic but I think some traits could be an adaption to the emotional abuse; there have been cases where people had traits that looked like autism but turned out not to be but because of circumstances. I don't know you though and I'm not a doctor.

I had my Asperger diagnosis in 2011. Both my parents had to fill out an extensive form about my childhood, how I was as a baby, at school etc. Interesting thing is that from my parents point of view nothing is or was ever wrong with me.

In the interviews I had with the psychologist I brought this up that I had a completely different view of the things both my parents answered. In short: It did not change anything about my diagnosis or the path leading up to it. The interviews with me and my wife and all the tests I had were very clear.

Up to this day I still have the feeling that both my parents have not fully accepted the fact that I've got Aspergers and my kid also has an official diagnosis of PDD-NOS.

The functionality part bugs me a bit. Low functionality generally indicates intellectual disabilities. If you say low social functionality, then it is a different story and indicates social ineptness.

Hey, just wanted to say thank you for all of your replys!

Also starfox, I've heard of that before though I have most if not all of the symptoms of Autism hence why I think I'm autistic though I'll bear what you said in mind!

Brain_ My parents feel similarly in that they think absolutely nothing is wrong with me though I guess they just didn't try to connect the dots for any of my (as they would put them) "quirks". I'm glad though that despite this you got a diagnosis!

Aniihya Sorry I probably should have worded this better, when I said "low functioning" I meant that whilst yes my main problem is that I have very poor functionality in social situations I do also find it very hard to function in other non-social situations (such as problems with being overly sensitive when it comes to light, noise, heat and touch and also problems with spacial awareness etc).

Once again thank you all for commenting, I'm away from home at the moment but when I get back I'm off to my GP to see about getting a diagnosis, finally!

The questions for the parents are usually like did your child do this behavior or that behavior or not do this or that, not so much do you think your child is normal. Some of the questions, it is not easy to tell which anwer is scored as the normal behavior unless the parent has read up on normal vs. autistic behaviors. Unless you are completely alienated from your parents, it is better to have them be part of the diagnostic process in my opinion. The reason is that a diagnosis with childhood history indicating autism is more solid, and you are less likely to obsess over whether you got the right diagnosis or not afterwards, as people often do.