I want to fallin love but want to die as well!

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I want to fall in love but at the same time I am afraid and have bad flash backs and want to die I don't know what to do,my past is f****d up to hell giving me bad flash backs,i dont know what to do I am scared as hell! I want to fall in love again but no matter what I get in this mode the next person wants to destroy me i don't know what to do anymore! I am scared i don't want to die but I get these thoughts I am not sure what to do please help!

Nobody seems to care due to no reponse to this thread,I don't want to die I want to fall in love again but I am scared and my past is f*****g me up!

have you tried getting professional help in dealing with your past? that helped me.

programming....
your head's filled with programs and also turfin' others statistically ?

turfin usa ?

I was recently in the SF Bay Area. If I wasn't with my family, I could have visited you. You're not far from San Jose.

My advice: just think about the future. Use your past for constructive purposes.

There is a quote from Gandhi: "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." I would say that it is far more than just a few dirty drops, and that most Aspergers tend to grow up and stay in the more polluted area. But overall humanity is really not that bad (although certain processes can lead to a high level of anxiety within some people or a whole society and to really bad stuff).

Aspies' grounding into the interdependence of the social and their appreciation for the small kind reactions is often somewhat underdevelopped; people who have had a lot of bad experiences, tend to fixate on the bad and creepy things around them, out of a kind of self-defense, and to exaggerate their anxieties.

I would try with small relationships, if you are too scared of bigger relationships. Stay a little away from the nasty people, relate more to the nice ones, take only smaller doses of the difficult people. You can do that even in a coffee bar or park or on wrongplanet, and just mentally, by relating more to the nicer people around you and the nicer posts in a thread than to the not so nice ones (people like me who have had a good childhood are doing that in any case, too). That helps with getting more confidence in humanity as a whole, and has some kind of trust building and anxiety-reducing effect which will be very beneficial for your future relationships.

You can also try with some kind of mantra like: "the cashier has been kind", "kraftkortie has been kind", "XY has been kind".

It feels a little stupid, I know, and it is not like being brought up in a decent family, but still ...

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If I lived near you we could meet for a coffee and a chat, I'd like that - but as I'm in Europe I'd have to catch a plane to California! Still, I used to live there, so maybe I should pay it another visit.

Kraftiekortie and Evam have given you some good advice. When you're feeling so down, - and we've all been there - it often helps to concentrate on the small things in life, the everyday pleasures, the kindness of strangers that we encounter. Take it one step at a time, contemplate the many beautiful things in the world, it's a path that can lead to love.