I don't trust any humans.

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I have been lied to too many times.
I have been misjudged too many times.
I have been shitted on too many times.
and the worst part...

my upbringing. I feel I must kill, but I fear it. I fear myself.

Don't be that guy. You owe it to the rest of us. You start killing and the media starts blaming autism, not the CHOICE you made.

I had a sh***y upbringing myself, I'm constantly misunderstood, etc...but I'm not about to go start filling body bags because it won't solve anything for me or the people around me. Take heart in the fact that most people that treat you that way are pure and utter morons. The thing about morons is that they don't know better-- they're morons after all. If a 5 year old called you a poopyhead would you kill them? Probably not because you understand they don't know what they're doing-- it's the same with a lot of NTs, they don't know what they're doing most of the time when it comes to the way they treat people. You should feel sorry for them, not angry. If anything, what I take pride in is the fact that the people that say nasty things to me, treat me as an outcast, etc.-- they would crumble under the weight of what I, and all other autistics, have to deal with each and every day. NTs have it easy, the world is designed for them, we have it hard, but that just makes us mentally stronger than they are. They may not see it, but it's true-- I see it in the stories on this very forum everyday I'm here. Don't be weak like them and take your frustration out them just because they're "different", be one of the strong.

GIVEN:

Consider this to the fullest extent: what happened to you is not who you are. As long as you confuse the two, it is hard if not impossible to reach clarity on who you really are and to access a wider perspective that gives you more choices.

One thing you might consider doing is saying the above italicised phrase in your mind repetitively for half an hour, letting no other thoughts intrude, everyday for week. Do it for an hour if you like. This can help set new neural pathways of thought in place.

Could you channel that feeling into something better?
Killing will not be worth it.
But if you can use that energy for something different and that makes you more able to cope and feel in control of your emotions then that's worth it. For sure!

You say you don't trust humans, yet you are here.

Yeah all humans are scum. I only trust Vulcans nowadays. At least they're honest and logical.

Don't be killing nobody. You don't want to be giving autism a bad name. People are already starting to think we're all a bunch of killers. Don't reinforce that stereotype.

as someone who was beaten and raped by her fiance, I can authoritatively say that the best revenge is living well.