In the middle of the night I called my boyfriend at about 1:30 because he is up at night. I knew I could get a hold of him then because he is just at work at that time getitng ready for the papers to come so people can come in and put them together and bag them and deliver them. I called about the LNBF because Dish Network wants that back and the TIVO and the controller in ten days. It was supposed to be done a long time again when I got the box from them (they wanted it returned in 10 days or they're gonna charge me lot of money every month) but I couldn't take it to a local UPS and ship it to them because I didn't have the last part. He told me twice he bring it to me but he never did. So I called him again and told him I'm not trying to be impatiant but I need the part so I can mail it to them ASAP and bam he started cursing at me by saying he will f*****g bring it to me today and won't f*****g forget and hung up. How can I trust him now, how do I know he isn't gonna come again today. He has done this twice now that he never came to give it bakc to me. He didn't give me a chance to tell him to make it convient for him, my aunt and I can meet him somewhere and get it from him so he wouldn't have to come all the way here and I was going to tell him my aunt is off for two weeks so he can just bring it here while she is here. I'm gone five times a week applying for jobs so i can't waste my time sitting at my aunt and uncle's house expecting him to be here adn then he doesn't show up and bam my day was wasted for no reason. I want to tell my boyfriend all of this because that's how I feel but I can't because then he might take it the wrong way. I can't even be open anymore so I have to keep things bottled up in me. Now I don't care anymore what I say now because screw it, he can dump me. Then I know that's out of the way and I didn't have to do it without hurting him and I can move on.
I can't even talk to him anymore about my feelings and what is bothering me because he takes it all wrong and blows up and starts cursing at me I feel like dumping him now. I feel he has been avoiding me because he is hard to get hold of, he won't call me and he never calls me back when he said he would, if he doesn't want me anymore, why doesn't he just tell me so i know and I'm not going crazy over if we're still together or not. I wanted to tell him that but I'm afraid of him taking that all wrong. I have to walk on eggshells when I talk to him and it's real frustrating and I feel nervous everytime I call him because I don't know what to talk about so I try to say random stuff like about my day and I asked what he did that day just to make it simple. I'm about to put my profile back up again on the site we met and meet other people again and this time I'd be going for women too since I'm bi curious. I'm about to assume he doesn't want me. After all we have agreed last month we aren't compatable together, someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with. I'm about to move on again but this time look for friendships instead of relationships since they are too complicated, if I meet the right perosn and things are going well, then I might reconsider. I'm just too self centered for a relationship and I am like those aspies guys on AS partners who sound like a**holes from their NTs. They make them sound like uncaring people and all they care about is themselves and they don't give a s**t about their wives or girlfriends and make them sound like they are lazy men like my ex. Now I know why aspie men say they are unable to have a relationship. Because their AS affects them in that area, they have troubles finding the right woman and they decide to give up because they know meeting a woman who is accepting is very slim. Maybe I'm one of them too in that area but I don't want to be one of them, I want to meet someone and get married and have kids.
26 Mar 2007, 12:40 pm
